Getting affluent parents to spend their money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

WTF? Many many people live well into their 90s., or at least late eighties to early 90s. This group exercises and watches their diet. Check out Riderwood or Leisureworld. Very active group. We have first world health care and something called statins which helps to avoid all those late 50s heart attacks. The largest rise in colon and breast cancer is the under 40 crowd, not the 60s crowd. And yes, an Alzheimer's dx at 65 is early onset. It happens, but it is rare. The 60s are filled with peoole still in the work force, and very active in politics and technology. There's no slipping mentally in this age group, in fact, it is quite unusual before the late 70s. You are way out of touch or very immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

WTF? Many many people live well into their 90s., or at least late eighties to early 90s. This group exercises and watches their diet. Check out Riderwood or Leisureworld. Very active group. We have first world health care and something called statins which helps to avoid all those late 50s heart attacks. The largest rise in colon and breast cancer is the under 40 crowd, not the 60s crowd. And yes, an Alzheimer's dx at 65 is early onset. It happens, but it is rare. The 60s are filled with peoole still in the work force, and very active in politics and technology. There's no slipping mentally in this age group, in fact, it is quite unusual before the late 70s. You are way out of touch or very immature.

You sound angry and unable to regulate your emotions. Better watch yourself for dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer that my parents spend their money on their own care, rather than having any left for me to inherit.

This is the real issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

WTF? Many many people live well into their 90s., or at least late eighties to early 90s. This group exercises and watches their diet. Check out Riderwood or Leisureworld. Very active group. We have first world health care and something called statins which helps to avoid all those late 50s heart attacks. The largest rise in colon and breast cancer is the under 40 crowd, not the 60s crowd. And yes, an Alzheimer's dx at 65 is early onset. It happens, but it is rare. The 60s are filled with peoole still in the work force, and very active in politics and technology. There's no slipping mentally in this age group, in fact, it is quite unusual before the late 70s. You are way out of touch or very immature.

+1. My parents and coworkers in their 60s would laugh at you. I can’t say I know anyone I work with or know who is in their 60s is in extremely poor health, besides one of my mom’s friends who is sick with cancer. They still seem a pretty hardy bunch to me in my mid-30s. My grandfather is chugging along nicely at 89. It’s not rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are watching this same scenario play out on both sides of our family. In our situation, help was only accepted after months and months of badgering AND a nasty fall. But when they wanted help, we were ready and it happened quickly and easily.

The nasty fall was the actual catalyst. Been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

WTF? Many many people live well into their 90s., or at least late eighties to early 90s. This group exercises and watches their diet. Check out Riderwood or Leisureworld. Very active group. We have first world health care and something called statins which helps to avoid all those late 50s heart attacks. The largest rise in colon and breast cancer is the under 40 crowd, not the 60s crowd. And yes, an Alzheimer's dx at 65 is early onset. It happens, but it is rare. The 60s are filled with peoole still in the work force, and very active in politics and technology. There's no slipping mentally in this age group, in fact, it is quite unusual before the late 70s. You are way out of touch or very immature.

You sound angry and unable to regulate your emotions. Better watch yourself for dementia.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

According to the SSA actuarial tables, the average woman in her mid 60s can expect to live until about 87. That’s average—people with higher education and wealth on average best those national averages. So lots and lots of 60-somethings can expect to live to their 90s. Not all of them will be in great health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for typos ^

On my phone

More likely, dementia.

[Anonymous]

op: They made me their health care proxy and assigned POA to my brother. I think they expect me to take care of them while he takes care of their money. He is frugal like they are, whereas I have hired child care (I work FT, but they still think it's extravagant).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: They made me their health care proxy and assigned POA to my brother. I think they expect me to take care of them while he takes care of their money. He is frugal like they are, whereas I have hired child care (I work FT, but they still think it's extravagant).

So, basically, you're expected to take care of them while you have no decision making power over the money you might need to hire needed help? I'd simply tell them that I would not be involved in their care on any level unless I were given the same financial power as your brother. Then, let them fight about it themselves.

But, take that for what it is all worth...my family is crazy. So maybe I'm not the best person to give advice. lol

Oh, and side note... they're approaching this in a very sexist manner, albeit a common one for people their age. Yeah. They think the childcare you have is considered an extravagant luxury (EVEN THOUGH IT IS A NECESSITY TO WORK), and they're probably pointing to that "excess" as good reason you shouldn't be in charge of the money. Crazy!

[Anonymous]

How do you find a good elder cRe consultant? Recommendations from doctor, friends , social worker, insurance? Is there an association?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ideas. My dad hurt his back trying to lift my mom who had fallen. She’s in a wheelchair. I hinted about in-home care now being necessary. I was told that would be too expensive. Meanwhile, they are planning a 35-day cruise.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that they are competent adults, free to make their own (bad) decisions. (They are in their 60s, no cognitive issues, just some combination of denial and cheapness.) It just stresses me out to no end trying to do anything else and getting no where.

Wow, 60s is still relatively young. They could live for 30+ years, so they might need their money to last for a long time. Maybe they’re not being cheap, just smart in terms of making sure they’ll be able to support themselves for possibly a very long time.

60s is not relatively young for many people at all. Virtually no person in their 60s lives 30+ years.

Everyone thinks they’re going to be that 90 year old who is just the toast of their assisted living facility, but the reality is that if you were diagnosed with dementia at 65 and it would not be considered early onset. And most people start slipping mentally for many years leading up to a dementia diagnosis.

WTF? Many many people live well into their 90s., or at least late eighties to early 90s. This group exercises and watches their diet. Check out Riderwood or Leisureworld. Very active group. We have first world health care and something called statins which helps to avoid all those late 50s heart attacks. The largest rise in colon and breast cancer is the under 40 crowd, not the 60s crowd. And yes, an Alzheimer's dx at 65 is early onset. It happens, but it is rare. The 60s are filled with peoole still in the work force, and very active in politics and technology. There's no slipping mentally in this age group, in fact, it is quite unusual before the late 70s. You are way out of touch or very immature.

You sound angry and unable to regulate your emotions.

You sound uneducated and a little like a troll with nothing to offer. Read the stats. 16% compared to 45%.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/452911/share-of-alzheimers-disease-patients-by-age-group-in-the-us/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: They made me their health care proxy and assigned POA to my brother. I think they expect me to take care of them while he takes care of their money. He is frugal like they are, whereas I have hired child care (I work FT, but they still think it's extravagant).

You can always decline when the time comes and let your brother handle the health care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op: They made me their health care proxy and assigned POA to my brother. I think they expect me to take care of them while he takes care of their money. He is frugal like they are, whereas I have hired child care (I work FT, but they still think it's extravagant).

You can always decline when the time comes and let your brother handle the health care.

Just be their health care proxy. You aren’t agreeing to provide 24/7 care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you find a good elder cRe consultant? Recommendations from doctor, friends , social worker, insurance? Is there an association?

https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know.aspx