my daughter being mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's mocking them at home to family, no big deal.

If she's doing it to be mean and in front of the people who speak this way, I'd personally critique her. "Don't imitate someone if you can't get their accent right. Go practice - that could be Poland, could be Hungary - you're all over the map."

She was doing it to her friends at a soccer tournament.

If she's making fun of her friends, I'd look at whether or not they're getting upset. My daughter and her friends tease each other all the time, and they have no drama. Nobody takes it personally, and nobody pushes it too far. If her friends ARE getting upset, I'd point out to her that they will drop her if she continues making them feel badly. And then step back and let her make the decision.

oh sorry I wasn't clear. She's not making fun of her friends. She was doing the mocking of the teacher and other kids at school in front of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's mocking them at home to family, no big deal.

If she's doing it to be mean and in front of the people who speak this way, I'd personally critique her. "Don't imitate someone if you can't get their accent right. Go practice - that could be Poland, could be Hungary - you're all over the map."

She was doing it to her friends at a soccer tournament.

If she's making fun of her friends, I'd look at whether or not they're getting upset. My daughter and her friends tease each other all the time, and they have no drama. Nobody takes it personally, and nobody pushes it too far. If her friends ARE getting upset, I'd point out to her that they will drop her if she continues making them feel badly. And then step back and let her make the decision.

oh sorry I wasn't clear. She's not making fun of her friends. She was doing the mocking of the teacher and other kids at school in front of her friends.

Did you shut it down? Did you go remove your daughter from the situation? Did you scold her later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's mocking them at home to family, no big deal.

If she's doing it to be mean and in front of the people who speak this way, I'd personally critique her. "Don't imitate someone if you can't get their accent right. Go practice - that could be Poland, could be Hungary - you're all over the map."

Wow, nice parenting. No wonder we have so many mean people in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d make her participate in volunteer work with younger special needs children.
Is your daughter generally pretty spoiled?

What? So SN kids suffer because her daughter is a B? Make her plant flowers. Working with SN kids should be for people who want to do it.

My thought was that the kid would soften her heart, and change her tune instantly. But who knows? Maybe she would be a B. What say you, OP?

There is no way in the world some bitchy teen is coming around my special needs kid. What the hell are you thinking? Would you want her around YOUR kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d make her participate in volunteer work with younger special needs children.
Is your daughter generally pretty spoiled?

What? So SN kids suffer because her daughter is a B? Make her plant flowers. Working with SN kids should be for people who want to do it.

My thought was that the kid would soften her heart, and change her tune instantly. But who knows? Maybe she would be a B. What say you, OP?

SN kids aren’t props for OP’s daughter to learn kindness, they’re human beings.

+1

This is not a Very Special Episode in which a bitchy teen girl is redeemed by a child with a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's mocking them at home to family, no big deal.

If she's doing it to be mean and in front of the people who speak this way, I'd personally critique her. "Don't imitate someone if you can't get their accent right. Go practice - that could be Poland, could be Hungary - you're all over the map."

She was doing it to her friends at a soccer tournament.

If she's making fun of her friends, I'd look at whether or not they're getting upset. My daughter and her friends tease each other all the time, and they have no drama. Nobody takes it personally, and nobody pushes it too far. If her friends ARE getting upset, I'd point out to her that they will drop her if she continues making them feel badly. And then step back and let her make the decision.

oh sorry I wasn't clear. She's not making fun of her friends. She was doing the mocking of the teacher and other kids at school in front of her friends.

Be a parent. Bring the crushing weight of your authority down on her. Take the phone. Grounded for a month. No contact with friends at all. Shut it down now.

[Anonymous]

I think shaming and heavy-handed authoritarian disciplining is one reason why children bully. They are learning it with that approach to disciplining. I think it is a conversation. Ask why? Are other kids doing this and she is copying them without realizing the harm she could cause? Introducing empathy about others. How would she feel if she was traveling and people did that to her? Agree that finding circumstances for volunteering where she could develop her empathy may be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think shaming and heavy-handed authoritarian disciplining is one reason why children bully. They are learning it with that approach to disciplining. I think it is a conversation. Ask why? Are other kids doing this and she is copying them without realizing the harm she could cause? Introducing empathy about others. How would she feel if she was traveling and people did that to her? Agree that finding circumstances for volunteering where she could develop her empathy may be helpful.

Empathy should have been taught already, from a very early age, through conversations and behavior modeling. Obviously either OP dropped the ball or that didn't work on this kid. So, now it's time to drop some consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think shaming and heavy-handed authoritarian disciplining is one reason why children bully. They are learning it with that approach to disciplining. I think it is a conversation. Ask why? Are other kids doing this and she is copying them without realizing the harm she could cause? Introducing empathy about others. How would she feel if she was traveling and people did that to her? Agree that finding circumstances for volunteering where she could develop her empathy may be helpful.

Or, hands off parenting.. they think its ok as parents don't say anything. In this case, heavy handed is needed.