How do you handle spouse who is always on phone by toddler?

[Anonymous]

We made a family rule of no phones unless absolutely necessary (work call or critical email) or to call family members once everyone is home for the day. I was getting sick of my own phone use too, so I framed it as "we need to commit to this together because it's just not necessary to always be staring at devices." There are a ton of articles out there about how great it is to free yourself of your phone, you could say something like "I keep reading these articles about unplugging and I'd really like to try it myself bc I'm worried I'm missing out on other things, would you do it with me so we can hold each other accountable?" That way it's a joint commitment rather than a critique of just his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't be on his phone when he's supposed to be spending time with his child. You shouldn't have to tell him that. Also, make it a house rule.

Really? That how things work in your house? One parent unilaterally makes a rule, and the other . . . just follows it?

NP here. This is one of those common sense things. The reference to making it a "house rule" sounds more like a formality to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't be on his phone when he's supposed to be spending time with his child. You shouldn't have to tell him that. Also, make it a house rule.

Really? That how things work in your house? One parent unilaterally makes a rule, and the other . . . just follows it?

NP here. This is one of those common sense things. The reference to making it a "house rule" sounds more like a formality to me.

Apparently not, as OP's husband does it frequently.

[Anonymous]

I said the phone stays in his nightstand until DS goes to bed, and then he can spend the rest of his night on it for all I care. I used a real example of something he missed out on because of the phone earlier that day. Point was made, no further fighting happened on the topic.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes sit in the playroom and just read a book while the kids play around me. Does that make me terrible?

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. I don’t do anything. It’s his life, he’s apparently living it how he wants.

[Anonymous]

The child will make their feelings about the phone clear soon enough. Around 2 my son learned to say “no no phone. Put it down” and he also would steal my husband or my mom’s phones and throw them in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. I don’t do anything. It’s his life, he’s apparently living it how he wants.

This is DW too. Not toddlers though so maybe it's less "bad."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him to put the phone away?

yes. this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We made a family rule of no phones unless absolutely necessary (work call or critical email) or to call family members once everyone is home for the day. I was getting sick of my own phone use too, so I framed it as "we need to commit to this together because it's just not necessary to always be staring at devices." There are a ton of articles out there about how great it is to free yourself of your phone, you could say something like "I keep reading these articles about unplugging and I'd really like to try it myself bc I'm worried I'm missing out on other things, would you do it with me so we can hold each other accountable?" That way it's a joint commitment rather than a critique of just his behavior.

This is a form of abandonment by proxy. He is there but he isn't.

Just say that this job is such that requires full attention and there is a no phone rules. If he need to access it he should plan ahead and follow some system. A child need a human contact, stimulation and interaction. The phone is in the way of all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The child will make their feelings about the phone clear soon enough. Around 2 my son learned to say “no no phone. Put it down” and he also would steal my husband or my mom’s phones and throw them in the trash.

Not every kid is like that. You can not let the kid do the adult's job. It is an adult job to stay away from the screen w hen they are taking care of a kid. Wouldn't you fire a nanny who would sit on the phone instead of taking care of your baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes sit in the playroom and just read a book while the kids play around me. Does that make me terrible?

No, because it's not the dreaded "screen time" that dcum posters love to blame for everything they can think of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The child will make their feelings about the phone clear soon enough. Around 2 my son learned to say “no no phone. Put it down” and he also would steal my husband or my mom’s phones and throw them in the trash.

How interesting. In what other ways does the 2 year old run the household? This is entirely inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is always sitting there on his phone. He says he has to sit in a chair for his back instead of playing on the fooor, ok. But he often just sits there staring at his phone and I hear DS trying to talk to him and is ignored. DH says he is looking up house or work problems, and also says he isn’t on his phone all night, which is somewhat true- he plugs his phone in after DS’s bedtime and is off his phone for several hours in the late evening.


So without nagging, what do I do? I hate to think he and DS are missing out on quality time. DH has quality time with him but mostly when they leave the house to go shopping or to the pool. At the playground or at home, he just lets DS play (often while trying to engage his dad) while he stares at the phone.

You don't do anything. It's not your job to manage their interactions.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it's important that the toddler doesn't always come to *you* to get needs met, because the other parent is ignoring. So if little Jimmy wants a snack and Daddy is ignoring him, you have NOT give in to the temptation to just fix the snack. You need to keep asking Jimmy to go ask Daddy.

Sorry. It's exhausting.