Does anyone on DCUM have rebellious teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have one of those teens who is rebellious and wants to have a good time ("chill with my friends"). I've been on this board in DCUM only sporadicly. My son is graduating HS next week and the last 3 years with him have been very challenging. Sad to say, I am looking forward to him leaving my home yet I still don't know when & how that will be.

Is he going to college? I have a rebellious teen to a degree. It’s not so much rebellion as I don’t think he does what he does to “rebel” against me. Rather, he’s super strong willed, battles anxiety and depression, is insecure so friend group really matters to him, and he’s always been sensory or stimulus seeking. He has ADHD, learning disabilities, a health issue, and a mental health related diagnosis. He is extremely impulsive.


We are not perfect parents, but we are very aware, loving, and have been very involved in his up bringing. He sees a therapist, as do we. He has two sisters who are extremely well adjusted and not “rebellious” by nature. One in college doing great and did nothing beyond the usual in high school. The other is also a teen who is very easy to get along with and is dedicated to her sport. No out of the ordinary issues there.

So what does he do? He, oddly, doesn’t like to drink, but likes marijuana a lot. We did do The Who check room, test, consequences thing and it just does not work. At this point, everyone knows it’s self medicating to a degree, but his therapists and doctors have advised that we take the approach of continually educating him about health impact, ambition impact, memory, legal,

[Anonymous]

Got cut off sorry.

It has to be his choice to stop or use less. We don’t make it easy for him but we no longer punish, or really get mad. It’s a strange place for us to be but that’s where we are.


He’s 17 and a social, good looking kid who definitely participates in the hook up culture.

He has times when he refuses school, he has very volatile and angry episodes, but in all honesty , less so since marijuana entered his life. He has depressed times when he can barely function.

He does ok in school but puts minimum effort in. Has a 3.3. School does not come easily to him, but he’s smart and has an entrepreneurial mind.

My hope is that he gets into a decent small college, with mental health support. That he takes care of his physical health as best he can and that he always knows how much we love him and are there for him. It’s likely going to continue to be rocky, but having a child like this changes you. We try to guide but we know we can’t really control.

So that’s my “rebellious teen”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have one of those teens who is rebellious and wants to have a good time ("chill with my friends"). I've been on this board in DCUM only sporadicly. My son is graduating HS next week and the last 3 years with him have been very challenging. Sad to say, I am looking forward to him leaving my home yet I still don't know when & how that will be.

Is he going to college? I have a rebellious teen to a degree. It’s not so much rebellion as I don’t think he does what he does to “rebel” against me. Rather, he’s super strong willed, battles anxiety and depression, is insecure so friend group really matters to him, and he’s always been sensory or stimulus seeking. He has ADHD, learning disabilities, a health issue, and a mental health related diagnosis. He is extremely impulsive.


We are not perfect parents, but we are very aware, loving, and have been very involved in his up bringing. He sees a therapist, as do we. He has two sisters who are extremely well adjusted and not “rebellious” by nature. One in college doing great and did nothing beyond the usual in high school. The other is also a teen who is very easy to get along with and is dedicated to her sport. No out of the ordinary issues there.

So what does he do? He, oddly, doesn’t like to drink, but likes marijuana a lot. We did do The Who check room, test, consequences thing and it just does not work. At this point, everyone knows it’s self medicating to a degree, but his therapists and doctors have advised that we take the approach of continually educating him about health impact, ambition impact, memory, legal,

I'm the PP with "chill with my friends" son. He is also rebellious, very strong-willed and his friend group is all that matters to him. He was lucky enough to be admitted to JMU, with our pushing he accepted, but its been clear he wasn't too excited about it. 2 weeks ago he told us he doesn't want to go to college and wants to enlist in the Army. This is something he has talked about on and off for a few years, but my husband & I have tried to dissuade him. Now we have come full circle are supporting it. He has not done anything about it yet and turns 18 end of summer, so nothing is set yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have one of those teens who is rebellious and wants to have a good time ("chill with my friends"). I've been on this board in DCUM only sporadicly. My son is graduating HS next week and the last 3 years with him have been very challenging. Sad to say, I am looking forward to him leaving my home yet I still don't know when & how that will be.

Is he going to college? I have a rebellious teen to a degree. It’s not so much rebellion as I don’t think he does what he does to “rebel” against me. Rather, he’s super strong willed, battles anxiety and depression, is insecure so friend group really matters to him, and he’s always been sensory or stimulus seeking. He has ADHD, learning disabilities, a health issue, and a mental health related diagnosis. He is extremely impulsive.


We are not perfect parents, but we are very aware, loving, and have been very involved in his up bringing. He sees a therapist, as do we. He has two sisters who are extremely well adjusted and not “rebellious” by nature. One in college doing great and did nothing beyond the usual in high school. The other is also a teen who is very easy to get along with and is dedicated to her sport. No out of the ordinary issues there.

So what does he do? He, oddly, doesn’t like to drink, but likes marijuana a lot. We did do The Who check room, test, consequences thing and it just does not work. At this point, everyone knows it’s self medicating to a degree, but his therapists and doctors have advised that we take the approach of continually educating him about health impact, ambition impact, memory, legal,

Looking back, was he always like this as a young child compared to your other children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have one of those teens who is rebellious and wants to have a good time ("chill with my friends"). I've been on this board in DCUM only sporadicly. My son is graduating HS next week and the last 3 years with him have been very challenging. Sad to say, I am looking forward to him leaving my home yet I still don't know when & how that will be.

Is he going to college? I have a rebellious teen to a degree. It’s not so much rebellion as I don’t think he does what he does to “rebel” against me. Rather, he’s super strong willed, battles anxiety and depression, is insecure so friend group really matters to him, and he’s always been sensory or stimulus seeking. He has ADHD, learning disabilities, a health issue, and a mental health related diagnosis. He is extremely impulsive.


We are not perfect parents, but we are very aware, loving, and have been very involved in his up bringing. He sees a therapist, as do we. He has two sisters who are extremely well adjusted and not “rebellious” by nature. One in college doing great and did nothing beyond the usual in high school. The other is also a teen who is very easy to get along with and is dedicated to her sport. No out of the ordinary issues there.

So what does he do? He, oddly, doesn’t like to drink, but likes marijuana a lot. We did do The Who check room, test, consequences thing and it just does not work. At this point, everyone knows it’s self medicating to a degree, but his therapists and doctors have advised that we take the approach of continually educating him about health impact, ambition impact, memory, legal,

Looking back, was he always like this as a young child compared to your other children?

Yes absolutely.

[Anonymous]

If you've raised them right, you will definitely have rebellious teens. Those are the kids who go on to become Winners. They are not afraid to go their own way. I have raised six of them. I now have three men who do not drink, are good husbands and fathers, are hard workers, good money managers, successful in their careers, and are happy, two teenage girls (one just moved to another state to live with her brother and attend a better school), the other made State in her flute trio and is the drum major, and my last is teaching himself to free-dive this summer in preparation for the NAVY. All six of them were/are rebellious. They have/will make me proud. I raise winners.
(They are 27, 26, 24, 17, 15, and 13. It's been a hell of a ride!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you've raised them right, you will definitely have rebellious teens. Those are the kids who go on to become Winners. They are not afraid to go their own way. I have raised six of them. I now have three men who do not drink, are good husbands and fathers, are hard workers, good money managers, successful in their careers, and are happy, two teenage girls (one just moved to another state to live with her brother and attend a better school), the other made State in her flute trio and is the drum major, and my last is teaching himself to free-dive this summer in preparation for the NAVY. All six of them were/are rebellious. They have/will make me proud. I raise winners.
(They are 27, 26, 24, 17, 15, and 13. It's been a hell of a ride!)

Please share some rebellious stories and how you and your husband handle those situations with the kids. Didn’t one influence the others too? Who was the disciplinarian? Were you a SAHM? Curious, what job does your husband do/did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this area is full of helicopter type parents who don't allow much if any free time. When teens are busy 24/7 with school, tutoring, sports, music lessons, after school clubs, etc, they don't have the time to get in trouble.

OP here. I think this is true. My own teen daughters are very busy and show no signs of becoming rebellious like their parents were. People put down the helicopter style of parenting, but it does seem like it keeps kids out of trouble.

Until you are no longer in charge of them. I'm sure lots of these kids will head off to college and go wild. I'd rather have them do that now.

Agree. One of our friend's child who has been helicoptered all life, dropped out of college after the first semester (top state school). Another one got into drugs and OD last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this area is full of helicopter type parents who don't allow much if any free time. When teens are busy 24/7 with school, tutoring, sports, music lessons, after school clubs, etc, they don't have the time to get in trouble.

Yes, and these are the ones with suicide ideation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have one of those teens who is rebellious and wants to have a good time ("chill with my friends"). I've been on this board in DCUM only sporadicly. My son is graduating HS next week and the last 3 years with him have been very challenging. Sad to say, I am looking forward to him leaving my home yet I still don't know when & how that will be.

Is he going to college? I have a rebellious teen to a degree. It’s not so much rebellion as I don’t think he does what he does to “rebel” against me. Rather, he’s super strong willed, battles anxiety and depression, is insecure so friend group really matters to him, and he’s always been sensory or stimulus seeking. He has ADHD, learning disabilities, a health issue, and a mental health related diagnosis. He is extremely impulsive.


We are not perfect parents, but we are very aware, loving, and have been very involved in his up bringing. He sees a therapist, as do we. He has two sisters who are extremely well adjusted and not “rebellious” by nature. One in college doing great and did nothing beyond the usual in high school. The other is also a teen who is very easy to get along with and is dedicated to her sport. No out of the ordinary issues there.

So what does he do? He, oddly, doesn’t like to drink, but likes marijuana a lot. We did do The Who check room, test, consequences thing and it just does not work. At this point, everyone knows it’s self medicating to a degree, but his therapists and doctors have advised that we take the approach of continually educating him about health impact, ambition impact, memory, legal,

I'm the PP with "chill with my friends" son. He is also rebellious, very strong-willed and his friend group is all that matters to him. He was lucky enough to be admitted to JMU, with our pushing he accepted, but its been clear he wasn't too excited about it. 2 weeks ago he told us he doesn't want to go to college and wants to enlist in the Army. This is something he has talked about on and off for a few years, but my husband & I have tried to dissuade him. Now we have come full circle are supporting it. He has not done anything about it yet and turns 18 end of summer, so nothing is set yet.

Good thing, because at first you were wayyy off track with the bolded garbage.

Why in Gods name a parent thinks it's a good idea to push an unwilling child off to college is beyond me.

My oldest son, not terribly rebellious, but not excited about the prospect of college, instead did a gap year working in Germany and France as a seasonal worker. He is now off to school in this fall. He returned much more mature and serious and ready to settle back into school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this area is full of helicopter type parents who don't allow much if any free time. When teens are busy 24/7 with school, tutoring, sports, music lessons, after school clubs, etc, they don't have the time to get in trouble.

OP here. I think this is true. My own teen daughters are very busy and show no signs of becoming rebellious like their parents were. People put down the helicopter style of parenting, but it does seem like it keeps kids out of trouble.

Until you are no longer in charge of them. I'm sure lots of these kids will head off to college and go wild. I'd rather have them do that now.

Agree. One of our friend's child who has been helicoptered all life, dropped out of college after the first semester (top state school). Another one got into drugs and OD last year.

Being a helicopter is a fast track to having a kid with no confidence who cant make their way out of a paper bag.

I wouldn't be proud of being a helicopter. At all. Like "hey, I'm raising a fu&ked up kid who lacks confidence and maturity!"