Question about parents with 'sporty' kids.
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Anonymous
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I was in the unique experience to get a do over. Our first 2 children were heavily involved in sports teams growing up. We travelled many weekends, our summer vacations were centered around tournaments and we spents lots of evenings at practice or lessons. My kids loved it. Yes, lots of dinners on the go, or homework at the field, but we spent tons of family time together. Both went to college on full ride scholarships (DII for the first, all 4 years, and JuCo then DI for the second). One has their master's degree the other a bachelors, neither have any student loans. Sure we probably spent college tuition on the sports costs, but our family was together. We have great friends all around the country - other sports parents. The kids also had an instant social group when we moved (military family).
Our 3rd child was born when the first two were graduating hs and college. He wants nothing to do with sports. We still spend time together, of course, but miss the camaraderie of hanging out with other families. We notice "regular" parents have more divorce in their families, so friends aren't available every weekend. We have so far not created any really special relationships with any of his friends' families, other than scouts. The camping has allowed for some bonding, so hopefully that will continue. |
Anonymous
+1. This is true for my dog (many behavioral problems like chewing, etc. can be attributed to lack of exercise) and my 7yo. 
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Anonymous
I agree. The parents following, stoking middle schoolers lacrosse drama, for example, seem unhinged. |
Anonymous
Yes. This was asked on another thread about math tutoring and I never personally answered there, but yeah. It’s all the same to me. Travel soccer, kumon, Suzuki violin. |
Anonymous
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I know families where it is 100% driven by the child and I have know families where it is 100% driven by the parents.
I have known kids who lost privileges because they were not willing to do extra practice at home for a given sport even though they participated fully in practices and games. Their parents decided that the child should be motivated to work on skills at home. They didn't see that the child would have been fine in a rec league playing with fewer practices and that going out and practicing was not of interest. And there are examples of excellent pro athletes that wanted nothing to do with the sport but were forced into it by a parent, Andrea Agassi comes to mind. You could almost see when the switch was flicked in his own head that he wanted to play tennis and his professional career, already very good, became amazing. But he was playing tennis because his Dad made him play tennis not because he loved tennis. I would argue that Michael Phelps is another example. He swam because he was good at it and because he struggled in school and other areas. But there is a bench at his home pool that he was regularly sent to because he was misbehaving at practice. Obviously Agassi and Pheleps had amazing careers and are seen as successes but all you have to do is look at their stories and some of the fall out from their careers and you can see that their talent was massive but their drive might not have been all that we thought it was. I have a friend whose kid is a great swimmer, he loves it. He has made it to Junior Olympics and swam well there. He is unfortunately very sick and cannot swim and it kills him. He actively misses the pool. And I know kids who feel the same about soccer, baseball, tennis and other sports. I have a friend whose daughter is loving Tae Kwon Do and willing to do the extra work to be on the demonstration team and compete. She also loves her swim team and dance. So I know that there are the self driven kids and that is great. But I also know that there are other kids whose parents make them play when they don't want to but they succeed because they have the talent and they get the positive attention then want from Mom and Dad when they do well in their sport. And I have no clue how to tell which is which from a distance without knowing the individual kid. I do know that when offering up sports, my child will choose baseball and soccer but baseball games always win out in a conflict. This season we old him he had to choose baseball or soccer, because there were too many game conflicts and it wasn't fair to his teammates to keep missing games. He choose baseball. But he is 6 so we are not worried about travel ball. And he is not interested in playing catch or practicing hitting in the back yard so we leave it be. |
Anonymous
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I have 2 sports obsessed kids. My son has been enthralled with baseball since he was 4. He's now 12 and plays on 2 baseball teams for a total of 6 days per week. He would play baseball 12 hours a day if he could.
My daughter fell in love with soccer and when she learned about travel tryouts age age 8 she begged to try out and she's now 13. We re-evaluate her interest every year when it's time to try out for the next season. My rule is that if we pay for the year of a travel team, the kid completes the year. They can quit prior to the next year (100% their choice). With 2 kids playing high level sports, our weekends are not our own and we spend almost every minute at games. However, we're not the sports parents who think our kids are the greatest or are headed to division 1 in college. We feel like fish out of water most of the time because neither of us were like this as kids (or as adults). It's 100% driven by our kids. |
Anonymous
| Is everything in this area club or travel teams for the tween set? Whatever happened to middle school teams? All I hear about are club and travel sports. I know high school sports teams exist, but do middle schools in this area not offer interscholastic sports? |
Anonymous
This is similar to our experience, except the elite part. My DS has been so driven since a very young age. We were never the parents who yelled and made demands. We told our DS that whenever he was done that was ok with us, he just had to finish any season that he started. He plays baseball in college now and has to give up quite a bit to be able to play, but this is his passion. He just told me the other day he has no regrets and I am very proud of his hard work, determination and drive. |
Anonymous
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Do you think it is all worth it in the end for these parents?
Worth it for the parent? No. Worth it for the kid? Probably. At such an early age, could the kid REALLY want this? Yes. The kids would never be successful and would not be permitted to continue on if they didn't practice all the time and show up for every event regardless of what else is going on. There are so many missed birthday parties, missed activities, missed playdates, etc. And the practice is grueling. Kids who don't want it just don't make it through what it takes to be on these teams. Very few make it to an elite athletic professional level and even then, is it so wonderful? It is for the kids. Again, it's not so great for parents. It's expensive. It cuts into family time and "me" time. Your vacation times and often locations are dictated by the demands of the sport. What is it all REALLY for? If your kid wants it and is talented at it and is willing to put in the work and if you can afford the time and money, it teaches so many things. FWIW, I have been wishing for years that I was not one of these parents. |
Anonymous
My kids participate in the same all-consuming sport I did as a child. My parents say it was worth every penny and every minute, not because I did well (although I did), but because of what it taught me and because it kept me out of trouble since it took up all my time (although I wasn't a trouble-prone kid anyway). My parents can see the long game. I can only see the short game since we're still in it (my kids are not out of college), but I would say the same up to this point. So yes, I imagine it will be worth it in the end to us parents. I think the things you all list are not the same. Early morning alarms to get up for the sport? Yes. Obsessing over which kid is better? Nope. Fighting with coaches, etc.? Also nope. Perhaps in other sports, not in ours. Or maybe I should say perhaps for other people, not for us. Either way, there is a lot of effort involved on the parents' part, for sure, but the drama you described is not something we buy into. Yes, my kids have wanted this since they were very little. And they have been totally obsessed since that time. This is driven by them - we started them out in multiple sports and this is what they want to do, although they are good at multiple other sports and could have been very competitive at some of them. It's something they think about, talk about, and dream about all the time. I was a professional in this sport for a few years and it was wonderful. Not compatible for me long-term based on how I wanted to live my life, but I am friends with people who are still pros and thy are very happy. Obviously there's no way to tell whether or not that would happen for my kids and whether or not their experience would be the same as mine, and the goal of all of this is not to go pro but to enjoy every step of the way. If they choose to do something else at some point I will not feel like this has all been a waste because we are not playing to some sort of end game. So what's it all for? In our case, it gives our girls a sense of strength, both physically and mentally. They have been tough kids since they are little and they are able to prize their bodies as not just something to look at but as something strong and useful. It also gives them a huge sense of responsibility and a sense of satisfaction with their accomplishments. They see how hard work pays off and they get used to losing and winning gracefully. I don't know how I'd feel with boys or with girls who did another sport, but for us, it's more rewarding on a regular basis than I think you give it credit for and it's not nearly as stressful and you are imagining. Again, this is our situation, so others' experiences may vary. |
Anonymous
| I have an elementary school swim kid who swims 5 days a week and yes, its worth it even if they don't continue as they enjoy it and its good exercise and a survival skill. Not everyone cares if their kid is the best or fastest, we don't and ours isn't. Most parents I know are more concerned about their time and interests so they slam other parents doing it for a variety or reasons when the reality is only a select few parents are doing it for the wrong reasons. |
Anonymous
There are Rec leagues for kids who don’t want to play travel ball. I have no idea how many there are or how easy they are to find. I believe there are CYA teams as well. So yes, there are other options that are less time consuming and expensive. |
Anonymous
| My kids are still little so I don't know how things will pan out for our family. My experience as a serious dancer is something I am so glad I had though. It was driven by me, my parents did not know anything about dance and never put pressure on me to keep going or do more- it always came from me begging and as I got older, doing my own research on summer intensives, workshops, etc... There were sacrifices the whole family made because of the cost and time commitment associated and that would probably be my only regret. The lessons and discipline learned from the arts are things I don't think I would have learned from a recreational activity.I am in my mid-40's and still take dance classes and have a job in the arts. I imagine it will always be a part of my life and I am so grateful I had parents who could emotionally and financially support my love for dance. |
Anonymous
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mine is kid driven. we try to hold back.
when they're not playing sports - we're fighting off screen time. i'll take soccer over an ipad any day. exercise for one of them is KEY for regulation. life everything in life, it's more complicated than parents who have kids who do this stuff are pushy in it for themselves. parent the kid you got |
Anonymous
| I love how the OP specifically asked for non-sporty kid parents to answer the questions, but the parents of sports kids could not control themselves. Interesting... |