Study: Moms spend more time on housework when there's a man in the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason to be happily single with custody. No need for another person to take care of.

You're happy not to see your child every day, and not to have your child with you every Christmas and every birthday, just to avoid a few extra loads of laundry?

Let me clarify for you - I said with custody - I have full physical and legal custody. It’s the father I’m happy to be rid of.

I'm sorry I misunderstood; I thought you meant with shared custody. Glad you're rid of the lout!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All people generate housework. It stands to reason that in a house with an extra adult, there would be more housework to do. Some people are are a net gain for the household in terms of work. Others are a net loss.

Okay.. soo.. if there is an extra adult in the house, assuming they also have opposable thumbs, why is there MORE work?

Someone generating more work should also be helping with that more work.

OMG. You’re insufferable. Tit for tat? Huh?
Please grow up.

Cleaning up after ones self, helping ones partner, and contributing to the smooth running of the household shouldn't be about tit for tat. It should just be what you do as a responsible adult and loving partner.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, I think some of this stuff is more fun when there is another adult there who cares and appreciates it. I certainly spend more time cooking when my DH is home for dinner than I do when it’s just the kids and I. This leads to more dishes. I also exercise more and sign the kids up for more activities because I have another set of hands, and high leads to more laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I think some of this stuff is more fun when there is another adult there who cares and appreciates it. I certainly spend more time cooking when my DH is home for dinner than I do when it’s just the kids and I. This leads to more dishes. I also exercise more and sign the kids up for more activities because I have another set of hands, and high leads to more laundry.

Very true about the cooking. When DH is traveling, it’s spaghetti and meatballs and pizza all week. I’m not slaving away over a chicken curry just to listen to my four year old decide this is the night that he hates chicken. It’s like pearls before swine when there’s not another adult around.

[Anonymous]

DH is a total slob. Definitely less work when he's on travel. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a total slob. Definitely less work when he's on travel. No question.

Part of my morning routine is to throw out the trash and recycling that DH left around the kitchen, finish loading the dishes he left on the counter into the dishwasher, and scrub the dried cereal he ate as a snack out of the sink where he poured the leftovers.

He also does more in the realm of childcare and cooking than most men do, but what does it take to learn to clean up after yourself???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a total slob. Definitely less work when he's on travel. No question.

Part of my morning routine is to throw out the trash and recycling that DH left around the kitchen, finish loading the dishes he left on the counter into the dishwasher, and scrub the dried cereal he ate as a snack out of the sink where he poured the leftovers.

He also does more in the realm of childcare and cooking than most men do, but what does it take to learn to clean up after yourself???

If a guy had pulled that kind of crap while we were dating, no chance would I marry him, and ZERO chance would I procreate with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a total slob. Definitely less work when he's on travel. No question.

Part of my morning routine is to throw out the trash and recycling that DH left around the kitchen, finish loading the dishes he left on the counter into the dishwasher, and scrub the dried cereal he ate as a snack out of the sink where he poured the leftovers.

He also does more in the realm of childcare and cooking than most men do, but what does it take to learn to clean up after yourself???

You’re an enabler. I wouldn’t touch any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason to be happily single with custody. No need for another person to take care of.

Same here. I just teach my kid how to clean so win win.

As long as you all are making your boys do the cleaning, your daughters-in-law shouldn’t have this problem. Correct?

Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason to be happily single with custody. No need for another person to take care of.

Same here. I just teach my kid how to clean so win win.

As long as you all are making your boys do the cleaning, your daughters-in-law shouldn’t have this problem. Correct?

Anyone?

No. Men love to accept unpaid labor from women and will often stop cleaning if they think they can get their wife to do so. You pretty much have to put your foot down and lay down the law with even the most well trained man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another reason to be happily single with custody. No need for another person to take care of.

Same here. I just teach my kid how to clean so win win.

As long as you all are making your boys do the cleaning, your daughters-in-law shouldn’t have this problem. Correct?

Anyone?

No. Men love to accept unpaid labor from women and will often stop cleaning if they think they can get their wife to do so. You pretty much have to put your foot down and lay down the law with even the most well trained man.

This is a harmful stereotype. I don't know what your expeirence is and why you would write that. This is same dynamic presents itself in regularly in same sex couples.

FWIW, I don't think making boys do the cleaning will resolve the issue. At the end of the day, the issue is rarely competance in doing a particular task. It is almost always a motivational issue. Has the person internalized the importance of a tidy space? If they haven't, then all the chore wheels, punishments, nagging, bribery, etc. won't make much of a difference. And no, a wife should not have to handle all of the chores in a house, but that doesn't mean that everyone else must live up to her expectations. Conflicts about how to run the house ought to be resolved in the same manner as anything else. You aren't required to marry a slob (or anyone). But if you did, then you need to accept your choice. A marriage isn't a house to be flipped.

Regarding the study, I think people are implying a causative effect that may not be supported by the statement. One example, that some PPs have noted, is that single parents don't have time of everything. The single mothers I know are work extremely hard to provide a great life for their kids, but they aren't focused on dusting or redecorating the entire house every few months for a new season or holiday. The other factor is that people that can manage these kinds of things are less likely to get divorced. It's hard to share your life with someone, but it is harder when your life is out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All people generate housework. It stands to reason that in a house with an extra adult, there would be more housework to do. Some people are are a net gain for the household in terms of work. Others are a net loss.

Agreed. In order to conclude that this is a gender issue, I'd like to see them compare the housework dynamic between heterosexual couples with kids vs lesbian couples with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All people generate housework. It stands to reason that in a house with an extra adult, there would be more housework to do. Some people are are a net gain for the household in terms of work. Others are a net loss.

Okay.. soo.. if there is an extra adult in the house, assuming they also have opposable thumbs, why is there MORE work?

Someone generating more work should also be helping with that more work.

Depends on the man. My XH grew up with a SAHM and a cleaning lady. He expected a BJ if he took the recycling out along with the trash .

lol truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a total slob. Definitely less work when he's on travel. No question.

Part of my morning routine is to throw out the trash and recycling that DH left around the kitchen, finish loading the dishes he left on the counter into the dishwasher, and scrub the dried cereal he ate as a snack out of the sink where he poured the leftovers.

He also does more in the realm of childcare and cooking than most men do, but what does it take to learn to clean up after yourself???

If a guy had pulled that kind of crap while we were dating, no chance would I marry him, and ZERO chance would I procreate with him.

Not PP, but I lived with my husband before marriage. We both cooked and cleaned. About a year into marriage he quit doing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"our research showed that when there’s a man in the house, mothers spend more time cooking, cleaning, shopping and doing laundry than their single-mom counterparts."

Ok, well this is actually more about the reality of being a single mom. You have less time for this stuff, so you do less of it. You do take out more, you do PeaPod, you do the laundry on the quick cycle and only when absolutely necessary and push that load size to the breaking point; and you are rarely home, so what is there to clean anyway, and hopefully you are splurging on an cleaning lady because no one can do "it all" by themselves. Cooking, cleaning your own home, sorting laundry and doing reasonalbe sized loads, spending hours in Whole Foods shopping, sampling, maybe visiting the coffee bar there ... these are luxuries of people who have time, and if you have an able and willing partner, you have time.

So glad you're there to survey every single mom's home life and report back.