Gift from siblings (twins)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give an extra nice gift.

Likewise I give twins an extra nice gift too- $40 versus $20 range.

Each?

I'm buying for toddlers, so no. I get them a joint gift to share that's nicer. Last time it was a big cooking set they wanted. They can both use it but it was more than I'd spend on 1 kid, but was okay spending on 2 kids. I realize when they're older they both want their own gifts.

[Anonymous]

Ive invited twins to DDs bday for 4 years in a row. Only ever got 1 gift from both of them. Nothing spectacular either.
They have not had a party yet but are this year and DD is taking 1 gift for each twin.
I just think its the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

1 gift or two but double what you’d normally spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive invited twins to DDs bday for 4 years in a row. Only ever got 1 gift from both of them. Nothing spectacular either.
They have not had a party yet but are this year and DD is taking 1 gift for each twin.
I just think its the right thing to do.

Twin mom here -You could just buy the one gift and write a card for both the twins. Twin moms would not be offended. I assure you. They have to learn to share anyways and this is an example of them learning to share their things.

[Anonymous]

Twin mom here: The other mom probably has something else on her mind but you seem awfully invested in her gifts for your preschool BD. And you seem POd in general with this mom. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.
But as a twin mom 2 small gifts are better than one large. The one large leaves the twin mom explaining to the little children that “this one gift cost more so there’s only one” which leaves all the other gifts ranked below because they cost less. It’s not an equation I liked to be in with small children.
Also OP you don’t get to make a list for other people. What seems “easy” to you might be hard for someone else. I personally hated “easy “ gifts because they always

[Anonymous]

Seemed to come from some obscure store I didn’t have time to go to before the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for all of the responses. I intentionally made it vague, but it's actually my DD who was the birthday kid. I don't care about how much gifts cost, we got a range and I appreciate all of them, but the twin gift gave me pause only because I'm wondering if the mom intentionally cheaped out as some kind of passive insult. I got a weird vibe from her a couple times at preschool although we've barely interacted. After that, she emailed to thank me for the invitation and asking what DD liked. I made a couple suggestions including books (since they're easy) and she didn't respond. The morning of the party, she emailed to say the sitter would be bringing the twins, which I thought was a little weird since they're involved parents who come to every optional preschool activity such as chaperoning, but whatever. The twins brought a small $8 gift that was neither of my suggestions, which in itself is totally okay. Their family seems well-off.

Anyway, what do you think? F-U from mom because she hates me for some unintended slight? Or just par for the course for a weird cheap, rich mom? I'm handwriting Thank You cards to all of the families including the twins since they did bring a gift. WWYD? Make it less sincere-sounding? I try to write thoughtful TY cards, but thinking about just saying "Thank you for [___], Larla likes it!" #firstworldproblems

A good quote to remember here is “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Please let this go. It's bean-counting.

I was curious what others thought, that's all and am going to let it go. Don't think it's bean-counting to be curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twin mom here: The other mom probably has something else on her mind but you seem awfully invested in her gifts for your preschool BD. And you seem POd in general with this mom. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.
But as a twin mom 2 small gifts are better than one large. The one large leaves the twin mom explaining to the little children that “this one gift cost more so there’s only one” which leaves all the other gifts ranked below because they cost less. It’s not an equation I liked to be in with small children.
Also OP you don’t get to make a list for other people. What seems “easy” to you might be hard for someone else. I personally hated “easy “ gifts because they always

Nope, not PO'd with this mom nor awfully invested in her gifts. I'm curious more about the mom than thinking about the gift. But in any case, I'll send her a generic TY card, done.

[Anonymous]

She was probably upset it wasn't a no gift party and she's swamped and couldn't find a gift. I don't agree her, but I've seen this attitude before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was probably upset it wasn't a no gift party and she's swamped and couldn't find a gift. I don't agree her, but I've seen this attitude before.

What? That is just ridiculous. If someone is invited to a kids birthday party, it is normal to bring gifts for the birthday child. What is against the norm is when people say No gifts please. Why would that mom be upset? Either you send your kids with a gift or don't send them. I have twins and I would never send an $8 gift for a birthday party when sending two kids. That mom must have something against the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for all of the responses. I intentionally made it vague, but it's actually my DD who was the birthday kid. I don't care about how much gifts cost, we got a range and I appreciate all of them, but the twin gift gave me pause only because I'm wondering if the mom intentionally cheaped out as some kind of passive insult. I got a weird vibe from her a couple times at preschool although we've barely interacted. After that, she emailed to thank me for the invitation and asking what DD liked. I made a couple suggestions including books (since they're easy) and she didn't respond. The morning of the party, she emailed to say the sitter would be bringing the twins, which I thought was a little weird since they're involved parents who come to every optional preschool activity such as chaperoning, but whatever. The twins brought a small $8 gift that was neither of my suggestions, which in itself is totally okay. Their family seems well-off.

Anyway, what do you think? F-U from mom because she hates me for some unintended slight? Or just par for the course for a weird cheap, rich mom? I'm handwriting Thank You cards to all of the families including the twins since they did bring a gift. WWYD? Make it less sincere-sounding? I try to write thoughtful TY cards, but thinking about just saying "Thank you for [___], Larla likes it!" #firstworldproblems

A good quote to remember here is “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Please let this go. It's bean-counting.

I was curious what others thought, that's all and am going to let it go. Don't think it's bean-counting to be curious.

NP, but it is bean-counting. You even went so far as to ask should you write a less sincere sounding thank you note. To answer your original question, when both of my kids (who are 17 months apart) go to a party, I buy one extra nice gift. My party budget is generally $25, but I spend $40-50 if both kids are attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for all of the responses. I intentionally made it vague, but it's actually my DD who was the birthday kid. I don't care about how much gifts cost, we got a range and I appreciate all of them, but the twin gift gave me pause only because I'm wondering if the mom intentionally cheaped out as some kind of passive insult. I got a weird vibe from her a couple times at preschool although we've barely interacted. After that, she emailed to thank me for the invitation and asking what DD liked. I made a couple suggestions including books (since they're easy) and she didn't respond. The morning of the party, she emailed to say the sitter would be bringing the twins, which I thought was a little weird since they're involved parents who come to every optional preschool activity such as chaperoning, but whatever. The twins brought a small $8 gift that was neither of my suggestions, which in itself is totally okay. Their family seems well-off.

Anyway, what do you think? F-U from mom because she hates me for some unintended slight? Or just par for the course for a weird cheap, rich mom? I'm handwriting Thank You cards to all of the families including the twins since they did bring a gift. WWYD? Make it less sincere-sounding? I try to write thoughtful TY cards, but thinking about just saying "Thank you for [___], Larla likes it!" #firstworldproblems

A good quote to remember here is “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Please let this go. It's bean-counting.

I was curious what others thought, that's all and am going to let it go. Don't think it's bean-counting to be curious.

The back story, the nagging thought that this was an F-U from the mom for some unintended slight, and the question about how to phrase the thank you note all imply concerns far beyond typical twin mom/kid customs. Not blaming you OP for being curious about how to handle, but this seems to have nothing to do with sibling gifts in general and everything to do with your personal relationship with the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twin mom here: The other mom probably has something else on her mind but you seem awfully invested in her gifts for your preschool BD. And you seem POd in general with this mom. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.
But as a twin mom 2 small gifts are better than one large. The one large leaves the twin mom explaining to the little children that “this one gift cost more so there’s only one” which leaves all the other gifts ranked below because they cost less. It’s not an equation I liked to be in with small children.
Also OP you don’t get to make a list for other people. What seems “easy” to you might be hard for someone else. I personally hated “easy “ gifts because they always

Nope, not PO'd with this mom nor awfully invested in her gifts. I'm curious more about the mom than thinking about the gift. But in any case, I'll send her a generic TY card, done.

Wow. For what it is worth when kids come to my sons birthday party I could care less if they bring a small present or nothing at all. I’ve had siblings bring one gift and that is very kind of them (and I know they have money.) Everyone gets a thoughtful thank you from my son because he means it.

[Anonymous]

Interestingly, the only parent I know who brought more than one kid to my DD’s birthday and one gift per kid was a twin mom. I didn’t expect it! I figure one gift per family... and other parents who have brought a sibling (a plus one, unlike the twins, who I guess WERE each invited by name) have never brought more than one gift per family. I could not possibly care less and only noticed because I had the thought that she was being too kind and too conscientious, if there is such a thing! I think a lot of twin parents are really cognizant of these things, almost to a fault, like my friend. But I’m sure others behave like many families I know and only bring one gift from their entire family which is normal and fine.

That said... My twin mom friend is from a marginalized community and I think is hyper aware of being judged. The more privilege you have (IME) the less you even think about these things.

[Anonymous]

One gift. You clearly do care and are greedy. Maybe they cannot afford more. Its the thought that matters.