What do you do when a teacher makes your child feel miserable

[Anonymous]

Just another side of the coin, but there’s a parent who complains about how a teacher picks on their kid. I volunteer in the class and the kid is rude and disrespectful during class so the teacher gives consequences but the student and parent see it differently. This kid disrupts class pretty much every day and I see how the teacher tries to give positive reinforcement any time the kid is cooperating but the teacher shouldn’t just ignore the disruptive behavior. The parent refuses to consider that their child is disruptive and blames it on the teacher, but if you only listened to what the kid tells their parents you’d be on the kid’s side too. But the reality is very different.

I’m not saying this is the case for OP, but please remember that there’s two sides to every story.

[Anonymous]

Teacher sounds mean, possibly even a bully. Is she also doing this to other kids?

Maybe your daughter should draft a letter to this teacher, with the plan to give it to her after grades are in. She should list out a long bunch of specific examples (very important), and tell this teacher how she feels. How the teacher made her dread class, feel bad about herself, lose love for her favorite subject, etc., etc. You and your DD should go over the letter together, polish it up as needed, and then after grades are in your DD can decide whether to actually send it to the teacher. She might feel some catharsis from writing it all out, and she might feel empowered at the idea of telling this teacher everything she feels about how the teacher unfairly and unkindly treated her. Remind her that some adults are just jerks, and some adults abuse their power over kids. And there’s a good life waiting beyond 8th grade!

[Anonymous]

Conversation with teacher and principal. Ask teacher what she is seeing in class. Note that her approach to the issue is not working. Work with principal to help educator to get training for a different approach that will be effective. May want to talk to principal first to get her to hear your concerns. Maybe review key points on negotiating and being persuasive prior to meeting. Ultimately the teacher needs to understand that you will continue to advocate for your child in such a setting and the goal is a change in the teachers behavior is necessary for her to avoid continued conversations.

[Anonymous]

I would have a meeting with the principal to discuss why this year is not working for child and what a better teacher match would look like for next year. But don’t make it all about the teacher - frame it as: this is what our daughter tells us is happening, this is what we see at home, this is how she tells us she feels, this is what we observed last year when she was with a teacher who did x,y,z well.

A good principal would then observe the class, perhaps observe your daughter in another setting like recess or music class, possibly pull in the school counselor to take a look at things, and then have a discussion with the teacher aimed at making things better for all involved. A good principal would also want to know about what personality would make a good match for your daughter for next year.

[Anonymous]

I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.

Yet you post on DCUM? Something's fishy.

[Anonymous]

My DD had an abusive 1st grade teacher. Although she is a rule follower and wasn't targeted by the teacher, she was still petrified that the teacher would 'correct her behavior." The teacher reprimanded kids for leaving a gap in the line when walking in the hallway. She would point out that you didn't push in your chair. God forbid you didn't know the five assignments exactly in the correct order and had to ask her or a classmate. SHe was bat-sh!t crazy mean.

I never said anything but gave DD lots of love at school and told her some teachers, like other people have issues and gain gratification by putting others down. I also gave examples to other parents so they knew about her.

Reflecting a few years later, I should have pulled her from the class. I regret that I didn't. I feel it took years for DD to recover and come back out of her shell.

My advice would be to get examples for the principal chat and then pull your kid immediately. If the principal won't let you, I'd be meeting with the superintendent with my examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.

Yet you post on DCUM? Something's fishy.

People have access to DCUM at work. Ever think of that?

[Anonymous]

In our case, we spoke to the assistant principal. We pulled dc from her class (it was an elective and we switched him to a different one mid year) but he had to suck it up in the required class he had with her.

We thought that he was just being overly sensitive and not directly targeted until another parent approached me to say that her child was upset because the teacher targeted my dc so much. That was when we knew it was much more serious than we had realized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just use it as an opportunity to teach your kid there are some people that are tough to work for/with and move on.

I doubt the teacher is truly singling out and picking on your child alone (though I’m sure your kid doesn’t see it this way). She’s probably just a crappy teacher. Your DD will have a few of them over the years. And then it’ll be crappy boses.

Best NOT to teach your kid to put up with abuse from bosses, or teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers don't "pick on students".

Maybe the teacher is trying to guide/challenge/push/teach your daughter in a manner that your daughter might not understand or like?

My son's best friend says that their Spanish teacher "picks on him" in class because the teacher makes him answer oral questions or give his opinion when he'd like to just stay quiet and fill out worksheets. My son is in the same class and says she makes everyone talk (which is different than last year's teacher), some kids just have anxiety about it and feel judged.

Maybe there is a second side to the story?

Regardless, summer is almost here. It's over.

This is ridiculous. Teachers certainly do pick on students. I had a third-grade teacher mock me for crying in class after my parent died.

There are some raging assholes out there, even if they're fortunately outnumbered by the good ones.

[Anonymous]

Step up to the plate. Don’t let the teacher get away with that nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.


Yet you post on DCUM? Something's fishy.


People have access to DCUM at work. Ever think of that?

Why can't you afford to buy your child a laptop? You can buy used or refurbished ones for a low price. It's really critical that your child has one for school. Or maybe you could ask if the PTA could give your child a scholarship to help pay for one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.


Yet you post on DCUM? Something's fishy.


People have access to DCUM at work. Ever think of that?

Why can't you afford to buy your child a laptop? You can buy used or refurbished ones for a low price. It's really critical that your child has one for school. Or maybe you could ask if the PTA could give your child a scholarship to help pay for one.

If OP says she can't afford it, maybe just take her at her word?

Insisting that every child must use a computer to complete their homework is classist as hell. Even if it's just a hundred bucks, some people simply can't do it, especially if they're a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I told the teacher. I told her, "Are you aware that DD and her friends are all afraid of you? Did you know this used to be DD's favorite subject until she got you as a teacher?"

Her jaw dropped. She sputtered and then shot back with how DD was not completing all the Kahn Academy stuff she was assigning.

Me: Yes, I sent you an email that she wouldn't be able to complete it - she does not have access to a computer at home.
Her: She can use the computer lab at school.
Me: DD is already staying up until midnight or 1am to complete all her homework. I will not have her getting up at 5:30am so she arrives at school having had 5 or 6 hours of sleep.
Her: She can use the computer lab after school.
Me: She takes mass transit and then walks a mile home alone and has to be home before it's dark for safety purposes. If you would like to stay late with DD and then take her home that would be fine with me.
Her: This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yes, it is very inconvenient for me as well, to be a single, working mother who can not afford to give my child a laptop, yet here we are.


Yet you post on DCUM? Something's fishy.


People have access to DCUM at work. Ever think of that?

Why can't you afford to buy your child a laptop? You can buy used or refurbished ones for a low price. It's really critical that your child has one for school. Or maybe you could ask if the PTA could give your child a scholarship to help pay for one.

If OP says she can't afford it, maybe just take her at her word?

Insisting that every child must use a computer to complete their homework is classist as hell. Even if it's just a hundred bucks, some people simply can't do it, especially if they're a single parent.

Oh please. Everyone has a phone that connects to the internet. Everyone.