Tired of the rollercoaster and snide remarks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize snide remarks are not grounds for divorce but it’s been this way for years. I know I am far from perfect. I can say for certain I am never purposely mean to him. I can be forgetful, careless, sometimes sarcastic but I am not downright mean on purpose. We’ve had an unfortunate number of instances where what should have resulted in a nice time- a nice memory- turned into a negative experience and feeling like we should have just stayed home. Too many what should have been lovely times are bad memories. A pleasant drive through the mountains shortly after our wedding ended with the silent treatment because I chose a restaurant that wasn't open at 5 and we had to wait 20 mins and he hated the beer list.

Then why did you have multiple kids with him? Or did the kids come before the wedding?

there it is! Never fails - the mighty "time machine" response. Super helpful!

OR, OP is being told to focus on the reasons she chose to tolerate this behavior in the past. He must have some redeeming qualities. Focus on those.

Oh stop being obtuse. She's "tolerating his behavior" now ffs.

This is a standard DCUM response - "well didn't you know that about your spouse before you got married?", "did you not see the red flag when you walked down the aisle?!", "well you chose him OP".

It's just a way to say - suck it up now because you didn't pick better in the past. It's incredibly insulting and diminishing and makes OP responsible for someone else's crummy behavior.

[Anonymous]

How much money does he make? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

He is moody. That's a really hard thing to tolerate. I couldn't do it. You have a lot of patience but it's wearing on you. I don't ever feel qualified enough to give marriage advice even though I've been married for 17 years. Start organizing your finances, home and independence. Do it at your pace until you feel completely organized, purged and in control. Instead of date nights, just do something for yourself or with friends. No pre conversation and approval from him. Just arrange that he is available to care for kids in advance. I wouldn't engage in his extreme moods. If he wants to communicate like an adult, he'll do so. Business as usual, stop appeasing his mood swings and don't allow yourself to engage. He's really taking you for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize snide remarks are not grounds for divorce but it’s been this way for years. I know I am far from perfect. I can say for certain I am never purposely mean to him. I can be forgetful, careless, sometimes sarcastic but I am not downright mean on purpose. We’ve had an unfortunate number of instances where what should have resulted in a nice time- a nice memory- turned into a negative experience and feeling like we should have just stayed home. Too many what should have been lovely times are bad memories. A pleasant drive through the mountains shortly after our wedding ended with the silent treatment because I chose a restaurant that wasn't open at 5 and we had to wait 20 mins and he hated the beer list.

Then why did you have multiple kids with him? Or did the kids come before the wedding?

there it is! Never fails - the mighty "time machine" response. Super helpful!

OR, OP is being told to focus on the reasons she chose to tolerate this behavior in the past. He must have some redeeming qualities. Focus on those.

Oh stop being obtuse. She's "tolerating his behavior" now ffs.

This is a standard DCUM response - "well didn't you know that about your spouse before you got married?", "did you not see the red flag when you walked down the aisle?!", "well you chose him OP".

It's just a way to say - suck it up now because you didn't pick better in the past. It's incredibly insulting and diminishing and makes OP responsible for someone else's crummy behavior.

Or, stop bringing additional children into a bad marriage.