Is it common to want twins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twin mom here: Twins is what you want when you don’t have kids. Twins are very hard and the issues don’t stop at preschool. Also not well publicized but many twins have physical problems that they are born with making it harder.

Too true! Before I had kids, I also thought it was the efficient way to have kids! Fast forward to having one (very easy) baby and I am horrified at the idea of twins. Babies are wonderful but so much work. And I imagine it'd be a relentless grind with twins.

[Anonymous]

"Wanting twins" is fantasy like a lot of the other fantasies about having children. The reality carries a lot more risks and is much harder than most of us imagine.

With multiples, the risks start with conception. As PP's have noted the risks to both mother and child(ren) are much greater. Infancy/toddlerhood are exponentially more difficult.

[Anonymous]

There is actually a whole online community of people who take unprescribed fertility drugs to try and conceive twins.

I truly don't understand why someone would want to willingly have such a high risk pregnancy with an incredible likelihood of one or both babies needing the NICU.

Not to mention the high percentage of one or both twins having lasting medical problems and/or speech and language delays.

Of course when it happens it's exciting and a blessing but to want it and take steps make it happen unnaturally is completely crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

I wanted twins, had them, and now they’re 25 and pretty awesome. I also have a singleton. No idea how common it is to want them, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Wanting twins" is fantasy like a lot of the other fantasies about having children. The reality carries a lot more risks and is much harder than most of us imagine.

With multiples, the risks start with conception. As PP's have noted the risks to both mother and child(ren) are much greater. Infancy/toddlerhood are exponentially more difficult.

This. Fantasy for many but very risky for both mother and children.

I see a lot more fraternal twins now than when I was growing up. I assume this is attributable to people electing to have multiples during fertility treatments. Having a baby, even a singleton is very risky. The risks go up exponentially for twins.

I know a family that opted to transfer two embryos via IVF. Both were delivered sucessfully. But due to complications in the womb, one child is mentally disabled and will need assistance for life.

[Anonymous]

Twins were so exotic when I was young that I think people thought of it as something cool. I also think that a lot of kids with significant issues didn't make it to age 2, so we weren't as aware if the problems associated with multiples, as we only ever met the people with positive outcomes..

I know that doctors have been trying to increase awareness that multiple births are to be avoided. Most of the twins I know are charming, but the parents generally have horror stories about the first 6 months of constant breastfeeding or therapy appointments due to delays.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's common but I was relieved to find out twice that I was having just one. Twins are a high-risk pregnancy and I know women who miscarried in their second trimester with twins and lost them both. Plus after the pregnancy you have to take care of two newborns and then two toddlers and then two preschoolers...I imagine it's very, very difficult. But I guess you get to take cute pics of your twins and post them on Instagram?

[Anonymous]

Sure, it's common enough, especially with older mothers. It's not like you don't know you'll probably be in hell for awhile, but it's all at once if you only want 2 kids. You move through the stages faster; they're potty trained at 3? No diapers ever again. If you have a career you want to keep, it's one maternity leave or period of staying home vs. Multiple start and stops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's common but I was relieved to find out twice that I was having just one. Twins are a high-risk pregnancy and I know women who miscarried in their second trimester with twins and lost them both. Plus after the pregnancy you have to take care of two newborns and then two toddlers and then two preschoolers...I imagine it's very, very difficult. But I guess you get to take cute pics of your twins and post them on Instagram?

I really really wanted to have a baby but to not have my life completely turned upside down. Pre-kids I was very independent and very focused on my routines (distance running, working from coffee shops a couple days a week, etc.). I ended up getting pregnant with twins and felt very out of sorts. And though it wasn't a hard pregnancy exactly they came early which was very hard for their little bodies. But, it was the best still. I learned to let go (a bit) and they really are fun.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's common enough, especially with older mothers. It's not like you don't know you'll probably be in hell for awhile, but it's all at once if you only want 2 kids. You move through the stages faster; they're potty trained at 3? No diapers ever again. If you have a career you want to keep, it's one maternity leave or period of staying home vs. Multiple start and stops.

I never wanted twins. Mine are 3 years apart and I like them that way. Sure, with twins you get the bad parts out of the way at one ago, but the good parts also fly by. I feel like with my second, I got to really enjoy some of the nicer parts of parenting again (like newborn cuddles!) with more appreciation knowing how quickly it passes. When the younger one is acting up, I appreciate the calm of my older one. When she's acting like a mini-teenager, I appreciate the cuteness and innocence of the younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s common in people that have not had any kids yet. Once you know the reality of caring for a newborn, not so much. Plus twins are a high risk pregnancy.

Yes I very much wanted twins because it took me so long to have my first. I didn't want to go through the waiting game with infertility again. However after having my first (singleton) I realized I had been NUTS. At my first ultrasound for my 2nd baby all I found think was "please only one please only one". He was also a singleton. Very happy with how it worked out. We have fraternal twins who I simply adore in our extended family, but sometimes I also think they would have a better relationship if they hadn't been born at the exact same time. It's complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s common in people that have not had any kids yet. Once you know the reality of caring for a newborn, not so much. Plus twins are a high risk pregnancy.

That’s not true. I have two kids and I would love twins, mostly because the idea of having such a close bond is awesome.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me, there are far more twins in 2000 1910 when I was growing up in 1990. Is that statistically true? Is it because IVF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me, there are far more twins in 2000 1910 when I was growing up in 1990. Is that statistically true? Is it because IVF?

Yes. Via https://www.pregnancycorner.com/being-pregnant/older-women-conceiving-twins.html ,
"From 1980 to 2009 the twin birth rate doubled among white mothers alone. The increase in twin births was greatest among mothers over the age of 35"

In addition to mothers receiving fertility treatments, older mothers are naturally more likely to have twins, as are fatter mothers. Twin survival rates are better now, too.