Does sharing your emotions with your spouse help anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think a parallel development to feminism and gender equality should be that men must be allowed to be emotional and vulnerable.

Men: if you do this, your wife will think you are a pussy and will despise you, so don't do it.

Also, feminism may insist that men should be more like women, but that is never going to work, although that won't stop deranged feminists from pushing it.

just stop, you're an asshat. you spew this drivel and nonsense as you have created a narrative that fits your reality - you are living an empty life with zero prospects so rather than hold yourself accountable for your situation, you lash out at everyone else.

I get everything I could possibly want from DW and that's because she knows (i) I am an emotionally available partner to her, (ii) I'm the provider for the family (I make 5x her salary), (iii) I am devoted father to our 3 kids, etc. etc. She gives me everything I want and there's no mistaking my masculinity.

[Anonymous]

Wife tells me about her day when I get home. I listen and say either, sounds like you had a great day, or sorry your day was so hard.
She doesn't want me to try fixing her problems mostly just get them off her chest.
DW doesn't want to her my problems so I keep things to myself. She wants a stable home not hearing me whine about something at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, my spouse tells me how they're feeling all the time. I'm their spouse. I'm the witness to their life. If they're not telling me, then they're carrying that burden themselves. Who wants to live like that?

This is such a big deal. I see my husband this way--he is the witness to my life (and vice versa), and I wanted, and have, a compassionate witness. If your spouse doesn't know the full complexity of your life--what you feel, what you are struggling with, what you are rejoicing about--does anyone? Being seen is important.

He just wants to relax after work, have dinner, watch TV, and hopefully have sex later. He doesn't really want to know the "full complexity of your life" -- although he will pretend to so that you'll be in the mood for that sex later.

That's pretty glib...maybe you're just trying to sound clever. But if that's really your reality, I think you're missing out.

[Anonymous]

I replied already but it is true for me that I don't want to hear DH's problems. Because they are the same negative dump all the time. Blah blah stupid, a$$hat, idiot blah blah blah. I don't want to hear how everybody else is stupid. I don't like name calling and I don't like whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I replied already but it is true for me that I don't want to hear DH's problems. Because they are the same negative dump all the time. Blah blah stupid, a$$hat, idiot blah blah blah. I don't want to hear how everybody else is stupid. I don't like name calling and I don't like whining.

But how can you bear witness to his life? How can he be heard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think a parallel development to feminism and gender equality should be that men must be allowed to be emotional and vulnerable.

Men: if you do this, your wife will think you are a pussy and will despise you, so don't do it.

Also, feminism may insist that men should be more like women, but that is never going to work, although that won't stop deranged feminists from pushing it.

just stop, you're an asshat. you spew this drivel and nonsense as you have created a narrative that fits your reality - you are living an empty life with zero prospects so rather than hold yourself accountable for your situation, you lash out at everyone else.

I get everything I could possibly want from DW and that's because she knows (i) I am an emotionally available partner to her, (ii) I'm the provider for the family (I make 5x her salary), (iii) I am devoted father to our 3 kids, etc. etc. She gives me everything I want and there's no mistaking my masculinity.

You are not saying that you are "allowed to be" (or actually are) "emotional and vulnerable" around her. And don't bother trying to claim that, because we all know it's bullshit. Women simply don't care about, and don't want to hear about, men's problems. They call that "whining" and "being a man-baby".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife tells me about her day when I get home. I listen and say either, sounds like you had a great day, or sorry your day was so hard.
She doesn't want me to try fixing her problems mostly just get them off her chest.
DW doesn't want to her my problems so I keep things to myself. She wants a stable home not hearing me whine about something at work

This is familiar. My husband pays attention and listens. He lets me decide if I need help. I think this is hard for men to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think a parallel development to feminism and gender equality should be that men must be allowed to be emotional and vulnerable.

Men: if you do this, your wife will think you are a pussy and will despise you, so don't do it.

Also, feminism may insist that men should be more like women, but that is never going to work, although that won't stop deranged feminists from pushing it.

just stop, you're an asshat. you spew this drivel and nonsense as you have created a narrative that fits your reality - you are living an empty life with zero prospects so rather than hold yourself accountable for your situation, you lash out at everyone else.

I get everything I could possibly want from DW and that's because she knows (i) I am an emotionally available partner to her, (ii) I'm the provider for the family (I make 5x her salary), (iii) I am devoted father to our 3 kids, etc. etc. She gives me everything I want and there's no mistaking my masculinity.

You are not saying that you are "allowed to be" (or actually are) "emotional and vulnerable" around her. And don't bother trying to claim that, because we all know it's bullshit. Women simply don't care about, and don't want to hear about, men's problems. They call that "whining" and "being a man-baby".

#NotAllWomen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife tells me about her day when I get home. I listen and say either, sounds like you had a great day, or sorry your day was so hard.
She doesn't want me to try fixing her problems mostly just get them off her chest.
DW doesn't want to her my problems so I keep things to myself. She wants a stable home not hearing me whine about something at work

This is familiar. My husband pays attention and listens. He lets me decide if I need help. I think this is hard for men to learn.

It is hard to learn because, to us (or to me anyway), it feels like a waste of time. If we're not going to fix the problem, why not spend time on something more useful or at least entertaining? It's really hard for most guys to grok that somehow there is utility to just complaining with no intent of fixing.

[Anonymous]

No

But my dad or brother would probably have something empathetic or interesting to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think a parallel development to feminism and gender equality should be that men must be allowed to be emotional and vulnerable.

Men: if you do this, your wife will think you are a pussy and will despise you, so don't do it.

Also, feminism may insist that men should be more like women, but that is never going to work, although that won't stop deranged feminists from pushing it.

just stop, you're an asshat. you spew this drivel and nonsense as you have created a narrative that fits your reality - you are living an empty life with zero prospects so rather than hold yourself accountable for your situation, you lash out at everyone else.

I get everything I could possibly want from DW and that's because she knows (i) I am an emotionally available partner to her, (ii) I'm the provider for the family (I make 5x her salary), (iii) I am devoted father to our 3 kids, etc. etc. She gives me everything I want and there's no mistaking my masculinity.

You are not saying that you are "allowed to be" (or actually are) "emotional and vulnerable" around her. And don't bother trying to claim that, because we all know it's bullshit. Women simply don't care about, and don't want to hear about, men's problems. They call that "whining" and "being a man-baby".

I think there are people of both genders who focus primarily on their own concerns. I'm sorry you've experienced this.
My husband is much more dramatic than me, and frankly his day to day work issues are more interesting than mine by a longshot. I'm happy to listen whenever he vents, rants, raves, and shares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied already but it is true for me that I don't want to hear DH's problems. Because they are the same negative dump all the time. Blah blah stupid, a$$hat, idiot blah blah blah. I don't want to hear how everybody else is stupid. I don't like name calling and I don't like whining.

But how can you bear witness to his life? How can he be heard?

What does this mean? Do I have to hear the same complaint every day? Is it not enough to hear it once?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I think it's important to share a balance of emotions. If a spouse only ever expressed negative emotions, that would get old really fast. But I like that my spouse shares a range of happiness, sadness, frustration, anxiety, and yes even sometimes anger. It helps me understand him, which makes it that much easier to work together when we need to compromise on something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied already but it is true for me that I don't want to hear DH's problems. Because they are the same negative dump all the time. Blah blah stupid, a$$hat, idiot blah blah blah. I don't want to hear how everybody else is stupid. I don't like name calling and I don't like whining.

But how can you bear witness to his life? How can he be heard?

What does this mean? Do I have to hear the same complaint every day? Is it not enough to hear it once?

It's a callback to a response earlier in the thread about witnessing the life of spouses.

[Anonymous]

I think it helps to get it out on paper. Then you can throw it away or share it if you like.