For anyone that went through counseling

[Anonymous]

It only works if both people are willing to participate. If he's not willing to, then that's your answer and be thankful you don't have to waste ay more time with him figuring out if it's worth your time.

To answer your original question, counseling made a world of difference for us because we were both active participants.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

He was constantly lying or omitting the truth so it was a big waste of time and money.
Furthermore he convinced his GP he only had anxiety - instead of ADD which runs rampant in his family (oops, never answered the family history questions truthfully!).
So instead of a narcissist ADD raging lunatics, he happily painted himself as anxiety-riddled. Had nothing to do with his poor communication, chronic forgetfulness, terrible listening skills, or zero time Mgmt, but hey, what the doctor doesn’t know, the doctor doesn’t know!

[Anonymous]

I’m happily married but have thought about counseling to see where we can improve behaviors / reduce frustrations. We’ve never done it but I started thinking about it after my minister and his wife said they gave each other counseling as an anniversary present one year (just a few sessions) and it brought fresh perspective and new ideas. They were new parents at the time,I think, so I imagine it helped with that change and adjustments.

[Anonymous]

DW and I have gone twice to two different counselors. First was kinda sorta OK, but DW wasn't really into it. We were supposed to listen to each other, and she thought listening to me was stupid. Still does.

Second was a waste of time and only brought us closer together in terms of talking about what a bozo the counselor was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it did. The fact that your spouse considers counseling a waste of time/money is indicative that he doesn't want to invest in your marriage again. What, then, is his plan for working on the marriage? Promises? How will behavior actually change?

He probably fears that it will be two women picking on him. Counseling isn't like that.

Yes, it is. Basically it is a $175/hour tag-team match in which two women agree that you suck and tell you all the ways you should strive to get better.

Whatever dudebrocheater. Our counselor was a man. My (ex)husband wasn't picked on but he wasn't coddled either. Neither was I.

+1. Our counselor was a man, too. And he went after XDH about several things. Counselors point out what needs to be fixed, whoever needs to do the work.

[Anonymous]

I did feel i was treated better than my husband during counseling. And i was the cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it for a year. In retrospect, it was a waste of a year, but I needed to know in did everything I could to try and save my marriage after my ex cheated with a coworker. He refused to do any of the work. Would literally say "I can't read it." Refised to discuss his cheating in therapy, only agreed to discuss everything wrong with me and how horrible I was. We actually had a counselor quit because she said it was an abusive dynamic, him taking his cheating off the table.

Go for it, but pay close attention to how much effort he puts into it. That will tell you everything you need to know.

And do not beg a cheater to stay with you. Biggest regret i have is not telling him to get the F out of my house and life the moment I found out.

Good for you for protecting your premarital asset, keeping separate finances, and not feeling the pressure to upgrade once you had a second income coming in!

My boyfriend and i are discussing marriage, but he is an “all in” type, and doesn’t understand why I would want to protect myself, in case he blows up the marriage.

NP. This ! DO NOT COMINGLE your finances