feeling lonely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that is a ridiculous generalization. that is like saying all jewish women are the same. you really shouldn't generalize about certain races or religions. that's how stereotypes and negative feelings get started.

and yiddush terms???? please - most people don't even know yiddush today.

that is so not true. every jewish person i come into contact uses yiddish terms. my husband's family is jewish and they all speak yiddish in front of me and actually have conversations. they are from ny. all of the jewish women in his family totally treat me like an outsider. i can only give my opinion based on my experience and this has been my experience. i see how they welcome other newcomers who are jewish completely differently than they welcomed me. anyway this is neither here nor there i was just letting her know that many pace groups seem to be mostly jewish women and she may not feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes feel lonely because I don't have a local best friend. My husband is great and I've got some close friends, but it seems like most people I know either already have a best friend locally or are not in the same boat as me, I'm FT WOHM. There is one women from work whose child is in daycare with one of my kids and I've tried VERY hard to reach out and become better friends with her, however, she is having fertility issues (I've never had any) and I don't know if she thinks I can't relate although I try very hard to be understanding and our boys were good friends when they were in the same room (now my DC who is older is in a new room), but I have put forth loots of effort to no avail. As I do have a lot of non-local best friends, I don't think (sheepish look here) it is my personality. Just try to get involved with your child that might open some doors for you.

[Anonymous]

OP - ((hugs)) it can be isolating and lonely being a sahm. I agree with pps to try to find some playgroups or classes to meet other mommies and babies of similar ages that you can socialize with and set up playdates. Have you checkend out MOMs? I will be staying home after baby #2 gets here and plan to join them, sounds like a nice support group. http://www.momsclub.org/

I had to laugh at the PACE comment about all the Jewish women. I was in a PACE group 1.5 years ago and was the only non-Jewish woman and I have to say I just loved my group. I didn't even know that everyone but me was Jewish until a random conversation started and we all kind of laughed about it. Great group of women, I never felt excluded and had some of the best laughs and sanity saver conversations with them. Sorry your experience was different, but just wanted to say I don't think it's par for course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - ((hugs)) it can be isolating and lonely being a sahm. I agree with pps to try to find some playgroups or classes to meet other mommies and babies of similar ages that you can socialize with and set up playdates. Have you checkend out MOMs? I will be staying home after baby #2 gets here and plan to join them, sounds like a nice support group. http://www.momsclub.org/

I had to laugh at the PACE comment about all the Jewish women. I was in a PACE group 1.5 years ago and was the only non-Jewish woman and I have to say I just loved my group. I didn't even know that everyone but me was Jewish until a random conversation started and we all kind of laughed about it. Great group of women, I never felt excluded and had some of the best laughs and sanity saver conversations with them. Sorry your experience was different, but just wanted to say I don't think it's par for course.

i am the one who made the jewish comment....don't get me wrong...in the beginning it was great and we did have a good time....i was just talking about in the long run after the group has kind of run its course. we all stayed in touch for a year but then the group fizzled. anyway, sorry to offend anyone. i was kind of just thinking out loud. anyway, i have met lots of moms in classes and just being out and about. hang in there...playgroups can also be great. if you can't find one you can always start your own. it takes effort to meet moms you click with but the effort will pay off.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry this has gone downhill. I am part of a mom's group and playgroup. But we don't meet every day. I also work so don't have a lot of time. When I was on maternity leave, I socialized more often. Now my time is constrained. I guess I am a working mom that misses meeting other moms and their babies. Thanks for the input and we can close this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that is a ridiculous generalization. that is like saying all jewish women are the same. you really shouldn't generalize about certain races or religions. that's how stereotypes and negative feelings get started.

and yiddush terms???? please - most people don't even know yiddush today.

that is so not true. every jewish person i come into contact uses yiddish terms. my husband's family is jewish and they all speak yiddish in front of me and actually have conversations. they are from ny. all of the jewish women in his family totally treat me like an outsider. i can only give my opinion based on my experience and this has been my experience. i see how they welcome other newcomers who are jewish completely differently than they welcomed me. anyway this is neither here nor there i was just letting her know that many pace groups seem to be mostly jewish women and she may not feel comfortable.

I totally agree with you. I went to a high school that was predominately Jewish and always felt just a touch left out (e.g. I couldn't go to the Jewish youth group events, etc). Not that we didn't have anything in common, but there was always something missing from our connection -- that common cultural experience. And this is not at all meant to be a slam against Jews. If I'd been in an area where everyone was Catholic and did activities together at their church I would have felt left out of that too. No one enjoys being in the minority, whether you're black, white, Asian, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Back to the OP's threat -

OP - I know the local Borders and Fairfax County libraries have book clubs (featuring different generes) so maybe you could join one of them? They are informal and low key, but a great way to get out and socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that is a ridiculous generalization. that is like saying all jewish women are the same. you really shouldn't generalize about certain races or religions. that's how stereotypes and negative feelings get started.

and yiddush terms???? please - most people don't even know yiddush today.

that is so not true. every jewish person i come into contact uses yiddish terms. my husband's family is jewish and they all speak yiddish in front of me and actually have conversations. they are from ny. all of the jewish women in his family totally treat me like an outsider. i can only give my opinion based on my experience and this has been my experience. i see how they welcome other newcomers who are jewish completely differently than they welcomed me. anyway this is neither here nor there i was just letting her know that many pace groups seem to be mostly jewish women and she may not feel comfortable.

I totally agree with you. I went to a high school that was predominately Jewish and always felt just a touch left out (e.g. I couldn't go to the Jewish youth group events, etc). Not that we didn't have anything in common, but there was always something missing from our connection -- that common cultural experience. And this is not at all meant to be a slam against Jews. If I'd been in an area where everyone was Catholic and did activities together at their church I would have felt left out of that too. No one enjoys being in the minority, whether you're black, white, Asian, whatever.

I totally know what you are talking about. I am Jewish and have gone to predominantly non-Jewish (public) schools all of my life and have always felt just a touch left out too (e.g. never invited to young life, always just an elf in the Christmas play, never knew the Christmas songs we had to sing in chorus). But this is not at all meant to be a slam against non-Jews.

[Anonymous]

And it's spelled YiddIsh. And most non-Jews I know use these same terms as they're pretty mainstream now and understood by all.

I don't get how all of the other moms in PP's PACE group were working besides you. When did your group meet? And you probably once worked, right? Maybe, just maybe, they DO have something in common with you. Doesn't hurt to try to talk to someone who is not your twin, no? Even - HORROR - nannies. I hear they are actually real people, many with kids of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And it's spelled YiddIsh. And most non-Jews I know use these same terms as they're pretty mainstream now and understood by all.

I don't get how all of the other moms in PP's PACE group were working besides you. When did your group meet? And you probably once worked, right? Maybe, just maybe, they DO have something in common with you. Doesn't hurt to try to talk to someone who is not your twin, no? Even - HORROR - nannies. I hear they are actually real people, many with kids of their own.

they were on maternity leave for a few months! i did talk to them...what i said was that eventually the group fizzled b/c we didn't all have much in common anymore. the more i think about it maybe it didn't have anything to do with the jewish thing as most of them don't hang out with each other anymore anyway. my point was that most pace groups i know are great in the beginning but for some reason eventually most fizzle out and if this person is looking for longtime friendships she may not find that in the pace group, even though in the beginning being a new mom the group was great. i do talk to many nannies and have jewish friends. i was referring to how they become exclusive when they get together. even my jewish friends have complained about this and have acknowledged it and in fact warned me before marrying my jewish husband. anyway, enough with this topic. i apologized and tried to explain what i meant and i am big enough to say i mispoke (miswrote) before thinking. sorry!