Should I have my child repeat 3rd grade?

[Anonymous]

I would not hold him back (kindergarten teacher here). I would get a full neuropsych work up. I'd find out where he is struggling. Sounds like he needs intensive additional schooling in the form of an extra hour of work M-Th and then a few hours on Saturday for a year or so. A tutor or two should be able to help.

Look, you didn't know so try not to be too hard on yourself. This is why 4 year olds should NOT be allowed to start kindergarten, especially given how difficult kindergarten is these days. If it were up to me, I would require all kids were age 6 by December to start kindergarten. Kinder is the new first grade (or even the new second grade) and 4 year olds have no place in it, no matter how advanced they are. This is a huge mistake on the part of schools.

[Anonymous]

I would pull him out now and switch him to second grade at a private school like a Catholic school that teaches basics. At the same time I would enroll him in Kumon math so he memorizes addition/subtraction/multiplication/division facts. Public school will NOT retain him. He is 9 right now and most of the boys at Catholic school are 8 at this time of the year with some being 7.

[Anonymous]

I have a March birthday 4th grader who just turned 11. We had him do an extra year of pre-k because of language delays and anxiety. I have never regretted it, and honestly the only classmate who has ever mentioned it is a kid who had to repeat kindergarten (and apparently has a chip on his shoulder about it).

However, I am hesitant to say holding back is the right solution when it sounds like what is really happening is that he just isn't getting the supports he needs and deserves. I don't think another year in the same school who is whittling away at his IEP makes sense. Also, there is nothing about him that you say that makes me think he will magically have more success with younger kids. It sounds like you son is struggling, but there are other choices.

Personally, I would start with a private eval and find out exactly what his needs are and what kind of supports he is eligible for. Get an advocate. Go back to the school and see if you can improve his IEP. Maybe the psychologist will recommend holding him back. If so, fine. If not, see what else they recommend and try to get the school to provide it.

Simultaneously, I would research private schools to see if one might be a better fit. I would be honest about his needs and see what they have to offer. Maybe holding him back work be helpful, maybe not. But don't expect that one act to fix all of his struggles.

Finally, you could also try a social skills group. Something that would help him self regulate better, and perhaps have more social success. It could also be an outlet for him to meet new kids.

I do not live in DC so I cannot recommend any specific providers, but if you post on the Special Needs board here they will help you.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

What testing have you done for ADHD?

It’s ridiculous to think kids who are working at grade level should be held back. (Like someone else said, because he counts fingers? I always did that!) I’m just kind of gobsmacked by this thread.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you just work with him at home to learn the math facts?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see any reason why you would hold him back. Because he doesn’t have his addition memorized? Unless he is failing all classes or most, he seems fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not hold him back (kindergarten teacher here). I would get a full neuropsych work up. I'd find out where he is struggling. Sounds like he needs intensive additional schooling in the form of an extra hour of work M-Th and then a few hours on Saturday for a year or so. A tutor or two should be able to help.

Look, you didn't know so try not to be too hard on yourself. This is why 4 year olds should NOT be allowed to start kindergarten, especially given how difficult kindergarten is these days. If it were up to me, I would require all kids were age 6 by December to start kindergarten. Kinder is the new first grade (or even the new second grade) and 4 year olds have no place in it, no matter how advanced they are. This is a huge mistake on the part of schools.

You've miscounted. This boy is old-for-grade, not young-for-grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not hold him back (kindergarten teacher here). I would get a full neuropsych work up. I'd find out where he is struggling. Sounds like he needs intensive additional schooling in the form of an extra hour of work M-Th and then a few hours on Saturday for a year or so. A tutor or two should be able to help.

Look, you didn't know so try not to be too hard on yourself. This is why 4 year olds should NOT be allowed to start kindergarten, especially given how difficult kindergarten is these days. If it were up to me, I would require all kids were age 6 by December to start kindergarten. Kinder is the new first grade (or even the new second grade) and 4 year olds have no place in it, no matter how advanced they are. This is a huge mistake on the part of schools.

You've miscounted. This boy is old-for-grade, not young-for-grade.

+1, this teacher is right on getting extra help as the teachers you have had are failing your child.

My child started at 4/5 and has SN and is doing great. Kindergarten is easy. So are the next few additional years. The issue is how its being taught and the centers, no text books and all the computer games aren't best for all kids.

Get a private evaluation and help. Even if you hold back a year, your child still needs this. Its sad the school is failing your child but as parents step up and provide what they need. Its cheaper to pay now than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What testing have you done for ADHD?

It’s ridiculous to think kids who are working at grade level should be held back. (Like someone else said, because he counts fingers? I always did that!) I’m just kind of gobsmacked by this thread."

"Why wouldn't you just work with him at home to learn the math facts?"

"I don’t see any reason why you would hold him back. Because he doesn’t have his addition memorized? Unless he is failing all classes or most, he seems fine."

Not OP, but you guys are picking one example and then dismissing everything else. He has age-inappropriate melt downs at home. His old friends don't want to hang out with him anymore. He is keeping up academically for now but has obvious gaps in underlying skills (math facts is one example). The mom is totally correct to be concerned. Bright kids with LD or ADHD can keep up, until they can't. The tantrums at home are already a red flag that school is so much work he has no energy left to keep his emotions in check at home.

Try to listen and learn something new, ok?

[Anonymous]

I can't figure out from the post why he was on an IEP or why he would need one now? It's unclear to me whether he has special needs, especially as he's doing ok. No friends, though, plus gaps in learning - maybe a private school would be a good move. You could talk with them about the appropriate grade level, also, though I think holding him back would not optimal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What testing have you done for ADHD?

It’s ridiculous to think kids who are working at grade level should be held back. (Like someone else said, because he counts fingers? I always did that!) I’m just kind of gobsmacked by this thread."

"Why wouldn't you just work with him at home to learn the math facts?"

"I don’t see any reason why you would hold him back. Because he doesn’t have his addition memorized? Unless he is failing all classes or most, he seems fine."

Not OP, but you guys are picking one example and then dismissing everything else. He has age-inappropriate melt downs at home. His old friends don't want to hang out with him anymore. He is keeping up academically for now but has obvious gaps in underlying skills (math facts is one example). The mom is totally correct to be concerned. Bright kids with LD or ADHD can keep up, until they can't. The tantrums at home are already a red flag that school is so much work he has no energy left to keep his emotions in check at home.

Try to listen and learn something new, ok?

Retention isn't the solution to any of those issues. Whether or not he has a LD or ADHD or anything, you don't proactively hold him back, just because there may be a time in the future when he can't keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What testing have you done for ADHD?

It’s ridiculous to think kids who are working at grade level should be held back. (Like someone else said, because he counts fingers? I always did that!) I’m just kind of gobsmacked by this thread."

"Why wouldn't you just work with him at home to learn the math facts?"

"I don’t see any reason why you would hold him back. Because he doesn’t have his addition memorized? Unless he is failing all classes or most, he seems fine."

Not OP, but you guys are picking one example and then dismissing everything else. He has age-inappropriate melt downs at home. His old friends don't want to hang out with him anymore. He is keeping up academically for now but has obvious gaps in underlying skills (math facts is one example). The mom is totally correct to be concerned. Bright kids with LD or ADHD can keep up, until they can't. The tantrums at home are already a red flag that school is so much work he has no energy left to keep his emotions in check at home.

Try to listen and learn something new, ok?

I asked a question that I wished op would answer.

But to your point, bright kids with LDs are not held back. If an LD is suspected an evaluation is warranted. If op’s ds was not found eligible for an ADHD diagnosis, he likely wasn’t flagged for any other LD. Seeing his test results would help understand what’s going on.

One reason he may not have qualified for ADHD is that his deficits are a result of a lower IQ. In which case, again, grade retention isn’t advised. But tutoring would be a good idea.

Being small and having friend problems arent a reason to hold back either.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

You call a reputable psychologist's practice like Stixrud's, schedule a neuropsych to understand where his deficits and strengths are coming from, and tweak the IEP, because you can't trust the school to catch everything - their psychologists barely have degrees.

And depending on what the evaluation finds, you may also want to seek treatment elsewhere (social skills group at Alvord & Baker's, medication for ADHD, occupational therapy for hypotonia or writing, etc).

My son was born premature with a host of challenges, and repeating a grade did not work for him - despite his many needs, he also got bored and had to be placed back with his peers. You might want to post on the Special Needs forum because we all have such stories.

[Anonymous]

OP: Not having math facts at the end of 3rd probably indicates an LD that the school is not addressing. Holding back will not help. Bring your school's last eval to a private neuro psyc or educate yourself on your options for getting school to do it and then then do an IEE if the results don't comport with what you are observing, and get yourself over to the Special Needs board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Not having math facts at the end of 3rd probably indicates an LD that the school is not addressing. Holding back will not help. Bring your school's last eval to a private neuro psyc or educate yourself on your options for getting school to do it and then then do an IEE if the results don't comport with what you are observing, and get yourself over to the Special Needs board.

Or they are just inattentive/uncommunicative. It's possible - happened to my older daughter - in Catholic school, no less.

OP - I don't know what the solution is, but I've noticed a few pitches for Catholic school. We have found our daughter's Catholic school to be all over the place in instruction, with a lot of teachers that should have moved on long ago and a few real stand outs. I think people that have had really good experience with Catholic schools tend to think that's the universal experience. That has not been the case with us. We are leaving this year after 6th grade and other than the community we won't be looking back.