How do you gut through watching playground dynamics when your child is the different one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh... my child is now 8 and is still the "bad guy" or "it" or the one that everyone runs from. He loves it, but we can't help but feel that he doesn't really get that he's on the outside of the group dynamic.

He has ASD. I am happy that he wants to be a part of the action on the playground. It took a long time to even get to this point where interacting is something he wants/handles without melting down.

Thanks you stated it perfectly pp.

My child is the same. I try to think about how he sees things most of the time. He is having a great time. I also try to watch less which is so hard, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, playgrounds are always complicated, even for the most neurotypical and socially confident children. Don't read into what happens in playgrounds. What you can do, though, is schedule tons of 1 on 1 playdates. It is a great way to practice social skills and make friends. Kids aren't actually very critical or discerning at that age. If you invite other preschoolers over and offer a fun activity and a snack, they'll enjoy themselves and consider each other friends. I am sure you'll find he has similar interests to some and over time, eventually they will become true friends.

I am on this board for my oldest but my youngest, who's 10, has been best friends with a child pretty severe speech delays since they were toddlers. My child has always understood him perfectly and, to tell you the truth, I don't think even notices anything.

100% this. I doubt that the NT 4 year olds are making fun of or thinking badly about your son. It sounds like everyone was having a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh... my child is now 8 and is still the "bad guy" or "it" or the one that everyone runs from. He loves it, but we can't help but feel that he doesn't really get that he's on the outside of the group dynamic.

He has ASD. I am happy that he wants to be a part of the action on the playground. It took a long time to even get to this point where interacting is something he wants/handles without melting down.

Thanks you stated it perfectly pp.

But 8 is a lot different than 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 At 4 very few kids, if any, have "real" friends. I know some girls that were very mature at that age and actually talked to their friends but really at this age it's all about chasing each other and being buddies.

I'd like to gently suggest that you are projecting your own insecurities on your child. The more complex social dynamics won't start until later elementary/MS and like the one PP described a lot can change between now and that time. Right now a lot of friend groups are about the parents so when your child starts K make sure to be involved.

I think the parents of ordinary, neurotypicals kids often come up with posts that say things like "Oh, four year olds don't really have friends!"

You have no idea what it's like to have a really isolated child. It's very glib to go around saying that children that age don't really have friends when your child is constantly part of a social milieu.

At age 4? What social milleu is there at age 4?

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My 4 yo, who wants to be friendly-screeches and flaps in excitement at the playground. It does stand out as she's getting older. I do prompt her to 'go climb the steps' or whatever, to get her out of that.

The only way she knows how to connect with other kids is 'chase me!' so she's happy as a clam if she runs after some kids. But there aren't any 'buddies' situations. She's very content to play alone.

I worry a lot, but right now she seems happy so...I don't know what the future holds.

[Anonymous]

PP of post above-wanted to say, OP, have you heard of Young Athletes, through Special Olympics? It's an inclusive athletic league for kids ages 2-7. My dd loves it!

She is learning about team play, taking turns, and listening to coach. She's gone from screeching and flapping, to (mostly) paying attention to the coach and participating.

It's free, and fun. I'm hoping that she can play in a typical sports league sometime in ES, this is good learning for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: PP of post above-wanted to say, OP, have you heard of Young Athletes, through Special Olympics? It's an inclusive athletic league for kids ages 2-7. My dd loves it!

She is learning about team play, taking turns, and listening to coach. She's gone from screeching and flapping, to (mostly) paying attention to the coach and participating.

It's free, and fun. I'm hoping that she can play in a typical sports league sometime in ES, this is good learning for that.

It’s sounds amazing thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 At 4 very few kids, if any, have "real" friends. I know some girls that were very mature at that age and actually talked to their friends but really at this age it's all about chasing each other and being buddies.

I'd like to gently suggest that you are projecting your own insecurities on your child. The more complex social dynamics won't start until later elementary/MS and like the one PP described a lot can change between now and that time. Right now a lot of friend groups are about the parents so when your child starts K make sure to be involved.

I think the parents of ordinary, neurotypicals kids often come up with posts that say things like "Oh, four year olds don't really have friends!"

You have no idea what it's like to have a really isolated child. It's very glib to go around saying that children that age don't really have friends when your child is constantly part of a social milieu.

Ok, but that's not what is going on with a kid who has "A lot of activities and playmates and buddies and birthday parties"

[Anonymous]

Secretly wishing all the other kids get a disability so then they are all the same. I know it’s terrible. The dark places a mind can go.