Second Baby or Not?

[Anonymous]

Have the second baby. I was in your exact place. But we went through IVF for the first and I gained a ton of weight. I couldn’t even contemplate going back through IVF the first 18 months. By then I was 42 and get exhausted. Kid is 7 now and it’s hands down the biggest regret of my life that I didn’t actively pursue having a second kid. I know it’s hard with two kids. But entertaining one kid all weekend, constant scramble for play dates etc it challenging and also sad. At least try for the second. If it doesn’t happen then live with that. But you will regret not at least trying.

[Anonymous]

I always knew I wanted two (have three now) so for me it was never a question. My older kids are 26 months apart (same sex) and play (sometimes fight) constantly. They are 5.5 and 3.5 and are inseparable. It’s awesome to watch. They play and entratain each other for hours. At the play grounds they make friends, but they always have each other too. It’s really great. Number two was and is soooo difficult, but also amazing so totally worth it for us.

[Anonymous]

Pros of more than one: Seeing your kids play together is really fun, mine happen to be best friends (but are still quite little so who knows if it will hold up), oldest doesn't get all the attention and has to learn to live with some sharing, etc. The second is a real joy and so funny.
Cons: It is so, so much harder. - it is way more than double the work. We just got back from a trip with two and we basically had to go to sleep at 8 every night because we were so exhausted from the day. They are both under 4 though. Maybe this gets better when they are older.

On balance, if you can afford it and have lots of family and nanny help, I would go for it. I love seeing them play together and I have loved having a second baby to snuggle.

[Anonymous]

Gosh if you need to ask strangers about such a personal decision perhaps you should stop on 1 ...

[Anonymous]

We were on the fence about two. I’m so grateful we were able to and decided to have a second. The relationship between my 6 and 3 year olds gives our household more joy than I thought imaginable. But we also got very lucky with compatible personality types, an easy second baby, an older kid who craves mid-day downtime, and no overlapping major childcare expenditures. No one can really answer this for you or predict how things will shake out. But, if it’s relevant, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the little family I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the newborn stage, the second baby made life much easier and much less stressful for us. Newborn stage was rough, though.

Same. I had an easy first. Second was not (and still isn’t at 7) so the first 6 months was really hard but now they entertain each other and they are best friends. DH and I can’t imagine life without our second. And her brother can’t either!

[Anonymous]

Go for it! At your age you never know if t will work out or not but all you can do is try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a second child is more than having a baby that is easy or difficult. Could afford two in daycare? What about college for both? Room in the house? Family support? Do you handle stress well? I had newborn when I had a toddler and it was tough.

OP here. I know having a second child is more than having an easy or difficult baby. I spoke more about the baby stage because that’s where I’m at with my first child. I have no idea what will happen when he becomes a toddler and beyond. I know having an active toddler and a new baby will not be easy.

Finance wise we can afford two. We use a nanny, not daycare, and can afford to pay a nanny for both. We have lots of family help. We have a big house with plenty of room for another child and we will save for college. I do handle stesss somewhat well, but I can hire more help or have family help if it becomes too stressful.

Sounds like not only can you handle one more, you want one more.

As someone in a similar situation (two careers, although younger) I can say that having two has not been simple but it's been really worth it. We even occasionally think about three. All the clichés you hear about sibling love are true -- it's just that incredible to see their bond develop, and to know that they have a relationship which goes beyond yours. We also prefer the dynamic of more than one kid in our family. It's very personal though. No right answer.