Nanny emphasizing religion with kids

[Anonymous]

My son had a very religious home daycare, where he was one of two children. He stayed there until 5 and remembers nothing of it. They didn't have much influence - maybe they did prayers at meals and watched some Veggie Tales, and we did nothing at home to reinforce it. In fact, I think I failed in teaching the minimum about the bible is and the stories in it. However, I'm not worried because his school is very diverse, so it's not like he's missing something all of his classmates know.

Personally, I think it's good that he was exposed to people with who think differently than us but are still warm and good people who took excellent care of him. For what it's worth, she fed him a different diet, and now he doesn't favor the things he ate there either.

I'm all for saying something about the part that most bothers you. It may be something she says without thinking and would be agreeable to stopping. The world isn't comprised of only people you agree with, and creating a bubble doesn't do your child any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ultimately why I quit my job and stayed home with my kids, sorry to say. I was always worried about the values and attitudes which were being transmitted to my kids once they were old enough to talk, and I never really found anyone whose values and attitudes were close enough to mine that I wanted to give them that power to shape my kids' thoughts and identities.

I even served at one point as a coordinator for an au pair program and ultimately decided that I was less interested in "exchanging" values and ideas with a not very academically inclined Eastern European teenager, as I was in actually passing on our family's own values and attitudes to our kids.

I felt like having someone else spend that much time with my kids and shaping in that way would only work if they were really an awful lot like me -- feminist, socially liberal but still religious, kind of type A, etc.
I think I was probably the employer from hell because I wanted to choose what the kids ate, the music they listened to in the minivan on the way to swim lessons, etc. All of that was really important to me and it ultimately made it impossible to delegate.
It sounds like that's kind of what you're struggling with too.

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

No, I swear it's not. This is me. As I said, daycare didn't work for me because I'm really type A.

[Anonymous]

I have religious relatives who encourage DD to pray, read Bible stories, talk about Jesus in an age appropriate way. DH and I are atheists and are truly okay with this loving exposure to religion. The “Jesus will be mad at you” stuff would be a dealbreaker. Clearly but gently draw the line with your nanny, the line that you are comfortable with, and see if she is receptive to it. Religion doesn’t have to be the primary gist of the conversation. You can frame it as an approach to warnings/punishments/threats (for lack of better words to describe verbal discipline of a kind).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I swear it's not. This is me. As I said, daycare didn't work for me because I'm really type A.

I’m all for staying home with your kids but this is a terrible reason - and a losing battle. You’re never going to be control their environment to the extent that you want. What about school, sports, friends, play dates? If absolute control is your reason, it’s just a matter of time. you have a rude awakening in the next few years - unless you decide to homeschool and otherwise completely isolate your child from the world...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny of over a year is extremely religious. DH and I were both raised Catholic but do not actively practice.

We love our nanny and so does our toddler (2) and our baby (6 months). She has always done morning prayers with them, and because I know it's important to her, I am fine with that. They pray before meals also and she reads lots of little Bible stories with them. That is mostly okay with me, but as DD gets older, I am becoming concerned that she is emphasizing a belief system we don't entirely agree with. For example, she tells DD not to do certain things or Jesus will be made at her, which is not something I want to promote.
I know that these are very strongly held beliefs and having her stop with this kind of thing is probably a deal breaker.

Would you risk losing an otherwise great nanny over this?

We had same situation. Nanny always talked about Jesus and God. Played Christian talk radio on their car rides. I love the aspect of God, but it’s my decision to tell my child and how much I want to tell my child not hers. We had a family sit down to ask her to stop. She totally understood and did. We asked during car rides to play music or nothing at all, and to give us the courtesy to tell our own child about God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny of over a year is extremely religious. DH and I were both raised Catholic but do not actively practice.

We love our nanny and so does our toddler (2) and our baby (6 months). She has always done morning prayers with them, and because I know it's important to her, I am fine with that. They pray before meals also and she reads lots of little Bible stories with them. That is mostly okay with me, but as DD gets older, I am becoming concerned that she is emphasizing a belief system we don't entirely agree with. For example, she tells DD not to do certain things or Jesus will be made at her, which is not something I want to promote.
I know that these are very strongly held beliefs and having her stop with this kind of thing is probably a deal breaker.

Would you risk losing an otherwise great nanny over this?

We had same situation. Nanny always talked about Jesus and God. Played Christian talk radio on their car rides. I love the aspect of God, but it’s my decision to tell my child and how much I want to tell my child not hers. We had a family sit down to ask her to stop. She totally understood and did. We asked during car rides to play music or nothing at all, and to give us the courtesy to tell our own child about God.

OP -- Unless you met your nanny through some religious activity or hired her through a religious agency, I would not assume you can't make this type of talk work. Not all religious people are intentionally evangelical/would be offended if you asked them not to be; at least try asking her to tone it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ultimately why I quit my job and stayed home with my kids, sorry to say. I was always worried about the values and attitudes which were being transmitted to my kids once they were old enough to talk, and I never really found anyone whose values and attitudes were close enough to mine that I wanted to give them that power to shape my kids' thoughts and identities.

I even served at one point as a coordinator for an au pair program and ultimately decided that I was less interested in "exchanging" values and ideas with a not very academically inclined Eastern European teenager, as I was in actually passing on our family's own values and attitudes to our kids.

I felt like having someone else spend that much time with my kids and shaping in that way would only work if they were really an awful lot like me -- feminist, socially liberal but still religious, kind of type A, etc.
I think I was probably the employer from hell because I wanted to choose what the kids ate, the music they listened to in the minivan on the way to swim lessons, etc. All of that was really important to me and it ultimately made it impossible to delegate.
It sounds like that's kind of what you're struggling with too.

This has to be a troll.

As a career nanny, I see why she would want this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks so much for the responses. I think my post was unclear re: the dealbreaker part. I am pretty sure that not injecting at least some religion into their day is a dealbreaker for our nanny. I am going to have a conversation with her about the "Jesus will be mad" type stuff and also about dialing it down in general. We'll see how it goes.

Honestly, DH and I are still figuring out how we will religiously educate our kids (if at all) but I do want to be the one making that call.

This is not going to help you. She will still do it, or some version of it.

I totally agree with this. People this religious care much more about doing what they think god wants than doing what they think a misguided parent wants.