I am so much more relaxed when my husband is gone...

[Anonymous]

To the OP, can you explain what your DH typically does on a weekend day that s so tensioned -filled to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like when my husband travels. I get lonely and scared. Stay up all night looking out the window. I feel a part of me is missing. Eat bad food, stay home and count the days till he returns. The only thing I do enjoy is cleaning my house from top to bottom. I do a room a day.

This is not normal. You are very dependent on your spouse.

Agree. My DH is my best friend but I enjoy my alone time when he travels for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can go both ways. It's exactly my situation when DW is away. Everything is so much calmer and more manageable. Her anxiety and condescension sap so much of the family energy, particularly when she's in one of her frequent grumpy moods. When she's away, it's more work to keep everything running - but at the same time it is so much less stressful. An interesting phenomenon. I think this is probably the case for most/all as a PP pointed out (one less body, one less opinion to deal with, etc.). Mental illness in one of the partners just makes the contrast so much more apparent when that person is absent.

Another DH here in the same situation. I am much more relaxed and happy parenting when she is not around. The combination of anxiety and condescension— that sounds very familiar. It just sucks the air out of the room.

She would probably say she’s happier parenting without me there too though. Indicator of a bad relationship TBH. But the women here should be aware that it goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH travels every other week and, though it is more work, definitely less stress. I think it’s because when he’s here, I expect him to help and get frustrated when he doesn’t. When he’s gone, I have a routine that I follow to get everything done myself.

This is me to a T. Although mine doesn't travel, he has a work events a few times per month and it's always more peaceful with him not there. I don't mind doing all the work myself when he's not around. But when he is around and I have to look at him lounging on the couch looking at his phone while I'm multitasking and tending to DS is annoying. Just feels like he's in the way even though he isn't technically.

[charliegirl816]

I can relate and would stay at work longer just so I didn't have to go home. I learned that I needed to take responsibility for my thoughts, actions and reactions. And it was my choice how I was going to react to him. If we allow disrespect and poor behavior to continue for a long period of time, it will take just as long to work through them as well. Marriage is a lot of work and I believe that it deserves a second chance. Counseling for you would be very beneficial to your overall well being and in return will be helpful for your family. Your counselor will help you work through the issues within your marriage and when you get to a point, it will be up to him if he wants to make things work. The choice is yours to take the first step toward doing what is needed to start repairing the marriage, and can happen with help. Take it one day at a time.