Found out that my son is gay

[Anonymous]

Asking him bluntly will probably just embarrass him. He'll come out on his own.

[Anonymous]

You snooped. You should have respected his privacy. He'll share information with you if and when he's ready. I don't have a good impression after hearing your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a pretty normal kid. He’ll come out to you eventually and you may not share what you found by snooping (but you knew that already).

normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a pretty normal kid. He’ll come out to you eventually and you may not share what you found by snooping (but you knew that already).

normal?

I wrote the post you are questioning. Yes pretty normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go to him and say “This is a random thought but are you gay?”

I have to think that sounds like a bad idea. Talk about awkward and contrived. We should treat our kids, gay or straight, equally. Would you ask your kid "are you straight?" If not, why would you do it to a potentially gay kid. Just doesn't seem right to me.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you tell your spouse? If you love your spouse, presumably they can keep the secret too.

I think gay or straight, you should have a conversation about safe sex and have a box of condoms in his bathroom for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first concern should be his mental health and keeping communication open. Do not tell him you snooped.

Tell him he is at an age where you want to have a talk. Tell him that regardless of whether or not he goes to college, succeeds or doesn’t graduate, gets a speeding ticket or a dwi, gets arrested for possession of pot, falls in love with someone or is with someone different each week, that you will always love him and have his back because you are his dad. No choice he can make will change that. You are rooting for him and are in his corner. He can count on you to be there for him. He may face repercussions in life but he will never lose your love. It’s a message any 18 year old can benefit from hearing.

I agree with the lovely note above! Keep telling him that you love him - and any other kids - unconditionally. Talk about respect and safety in all relationships, especially intimate ones, and if intimate add extra emphasis on safety - pregnancy, STDs all of it. Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Do not ask him, OP. My youngest son came out to me at 14. He is 19 now. He came out when he was ready and when he felt it was safe. Create an atmosphere of absolute unconditional love and support. Create trust. Make your home a soft place to land.

The drug use is a whole different issue.

[Anonymous]

It is okay to snoop on your high school student.

[Anonymous]

This thread is old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Admit to snooping and have an open conversation about all of it.

Yep!

[Anonymous]

Nothing to add, OP, except that you seem like a good Dad. I hope I am as good as you when my kids are teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an 18 year old who deserves some privacy.

+1. You had no business snooping in his room and confronting him will just increase his stress. MYOB, don’t do it again, and wait for him to bring up this subject (or any other) when he is ready.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. That’s terrible. You must be devastated.