RSVP cancellation

[Anonymous]

You are either a troll or you lack the most basic of social skills.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP has some pretty hefty emotional baggage and is projecting on a different situation. Op, I suggest you let this one go, it’s not your business and you don’t know what’s happening in that family. Please just try and not take this personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

OP here. Thank you for this perspective. Part of the reason for my post is because the text I received was “ grandma is having a hard time dealing with this and seeing the kids makes her happy so we’re not coming to the party.“ It wasn’t about spending time as a family to grieve; the way it came up to me was the kids are being used and probably don’t even want to go see her. But I can see your perspective and it’s possible I interpreted the text the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

OP here. Thank you for this perspective. Part of the reason for my post is because the text I received was “ grandma is having a hard time dealing with this and seeing the kids makes her happy so we’re not coming to the party.“ It wasn’t about spending time as a family to grieve; the way it came up to me was the kids are being used and probably don’t even want to go see her. But I can see your perspective and it’s possible I interpreted the text the wrong way.

If seeing the kids helps her in any way, that isn't a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with cheering people up during a difficult time with your presence. It isn't that the kids are being told, it is their job to make grandma happy, it is just that them being there brings a sliver of light to a really dark time. There is absolutely nothing abusive or wrong nor is it using kids to be there for grandma.

You should seek therapy, you have a really twisted view - sounds like due to your own childhood experiences that you are now putting onto other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious? If so, this is one of the most self absorbed, cold posts I have read on here.

It’s not self-absorbed. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend the afternoon with a depressed grandparent as an emotional crutch. The kids do not need to be exposed to this level of depression and morbidity.

A thousand percent none of your business and not your call to make or judge. WTF is wrong with you?!

Using children to cheer someone up is emotional abuse.

Let me guess: you are/were not close to your grandparents and parents. Some people are, and they like being able to help extended family when they can, especially after one of them has lost a child. Sometimes that help comes in the form of just spending time together.

It sounds like the man who died was an adult. He was still his mother's son. Burying a child is something no one should have to do, no matter how old the child is.

Sorry if this cancellation upsets your goody bag count, though. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

OP here. Thank you for this perspective. Part of the reason for my post is because the text I received was “ grandma is having a hard time dealing with this and seeing the kids makes her happy so we’re not coming to the party.“ It wasn’t about spending time as a family to grieve; the way it came up to me was the kids are being used and probably don’t even want to go see her. But I can see your perspective and it’s possible I interpreted the text the wrong way.

Did you expect a detailed justification of their cancellation? Over text?

Just be glad they bothered to.let you know they aren't coming. Not everyone will.

[Anonymous]

Maybe something happened between the kids and this is their excuse so they don’t have to come. You sound kind of intrusive so not too far fetched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP has some pretty hefty emotional baggage and is projecting on a different situation. Op, I suggest you let this one go, it’s not your business and you don’t know what’s happening in that family. Please just try and not take this personally.

Agree. OP, the wording of the text triggered bad childhood memories of your mother's depression. Take this as a red flag telling you that you may still have some emotional work to do.

The family whose early mourning situation triggered that in you is facing a totally different situation. Being in mourning a month after a traumatic death is not the same as suffering from lifelong untreated depression. Take a deep breath, step back from it, send your condolences, and offer to bring them some cake the next day.

[Anonymous]

You are f@$&ing crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

Exactly!

OP sounds like a selfish person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious? If so, this is one of the most self absorbed, cold posts I have read on here.

It’s not self-absorbed. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend the afternoon with a depressed grandparent as an emotional crutch. The kids do not need to be exposed to this level of depression and morbidity.

A thousand percent none of your business and not your call to make or judge. WTF is wrong with you?!

Using children to cheer someone up is emotional abuse.

Let me guess: you are/were not close to your grandparents and parents. Some people are, and they like being able to help extended family when they can, especially after one of them has lost a child. Sometimes that help comes in the form of just spending time together.

It sounds like the man who died was an adult. He was still his mother's son. Burying a child is something no one should have to do, no matter how old the child is.

Sorry if this cancellation upsets your goody bag count, though. Hang in there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

Exactly!

OP sounds like a selfish person.

It’s actually the opposite of being selfish. I’m worried about the welfare of children.
1. There’s no goody bags – it doesn’t impact goody bag count.
2. We are over the package amount of attendees, so them not coming saves me money. If I was selfish I would be happy they’re not coming.
3. I am close to my family. And I’ve lost many people in my family. Three of my cousins died in their early 20s – 2 in car accidents and 1 to cancer. I have seen the grieving of a parent when they loose a child. And I’ve seen healthy examples of grieving as well as unhealthy coping.
4. There should be a balance between grieving and allowing your children to have fun. Their grandmother lives 10 minutes away from them, they could go over there before or after the party. This would allow the children to still have some normalcy in their lives.
5. Happiness needs to come from within. Using other people for happiness is only a short term solution, and should not be a coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious? If so, this is one of the most self absorbed, cold posts I have read on here.

It’s not self-absorbed. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend the afternoon with a depressed grandparent as an emotional crutch. The kids do not need to be exposed to this level of depression and morbidity.

That’s not your call!! Do you make a habit of interfering in other people’s decisions??? That’s completely inappropriate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to see your grieving grandma after losing your uncle is not about using people as an emotional crutch. People support each other, that is a good thing. Families bond together during times of grief.

Exactly!

OP sounds like a selfish person.

It’s actually the opposite of being selfish. I’m worried about the welfare of children.
1. There’s no goody bags – it doesn’t impact goody bag count.
2. We are over the package amount of attendees, so them not coming saves me money. If I was selfish I would be happy they’re not coming.
3. I am close to my family. And I’ve lost many people in my family. Three of my cousins died in their early 20s – 2 in car accidents and 1 to cancer. I have seen the grieving of a parent when they loose a child. And I’ve seen healthy examples of grieving as well as unhealthy coping.
4. There should be a balance between grieving and allowing your children to have fun. Their grandmother lives 10 minutes away from them, they could go over there before or after the party. This would allow the children to still have some normalcy in their lives.
5. Happiness needs to come from within. Using other people for happiness is only a short term solution, and should not be a coping mechanism.

Omg you need to get a grip. Not your family not your call and you’re completely overthinking this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious? If so, this is one of the most self absorbed, cold posts I have read on here.

It’s not self-absorbed. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend the afternoon with a depressed grandparent as an emotional crutch. The kids do not need to be exposed to this level of depression and morbidity.

They’re not being used as an emotional crutch. This is their grandparent. We support family. And this is so much more important than a child’s party. Geez! What a cold response to a friend. OP, you’re not a friend.