My wife says "If you love me you would..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"support me." She is also fond of saying "I need you to be my advocate."

I had a realization last night that these phrases a manipulative little euphemisms. "support" = agree with and "advocate" = enabler.
The real meaning is "if you were a good husband you would agree with me and enable me to do what I want."

Now I just need to figure out what to do with this new knowledge....

One of my (soon to be ex) wife's favorite phrases is "I love you, but ..." followed by some criticism.

She's also fond of the phrase, "let me explain something to you."

That's called "bitchsplainin'". Most women do that.

my wife of 30 years has never done that to me. not even once. i know i am lucky.

[Anonymous]

If you loved me, you would not make every disagreement we have a test of my love for you or the strength of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: The problem isn't her manipulation--which is transparent--it's that you're taking it way too seriously.

When she says, "If you loved me you would....[fill in the blank]...." just say

"Thank you for sharing your feelings with me."

Then tell her to make you a sandwich.

He can make his own sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Respond with "if you loved me you'd give me unsolicited BJs every day", and let us know how that works out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: The problem isn't her manipulation--which is transparent--it's that you're taking it way too seriously.

When she says, "If you loved me you would....[fill in the blank]...." just say

"Thank you for sharing your feelings with me."

Then tell her to make you a sandwich.

He can make his own sandwich.

But if she loved him, she'd make him a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

"But honey, I've convincingly pretended to care about a lot of your stupid problems, isn't that enough?"

[Anonymous]

One of my (soon to be ex) wife's favorite phrases is "I love you, but ..." followed by some criticism.

In the endgame, they skip the "I love you" part and proceed straight to the criticism.

[Anonymous]

My ex wife: "if you love me you'd buy the house I demand, the car I demand, and take on the dogs I demand we have." These "if you love mes" were usually accompanied by tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here: yeah it’s highly manipulative language. Call her out on it. If she needs support, then she just needs to ask for. But she doesn’t need to make it a test for you to pass in order to show your love.She could ask you to support her by moving across the country. You might not see that as the best move for the family. It doesn’t mean you
Don’t support her or love her. It just means you and she have to negotiate to figure it all out.

+100

Agree with this 100%. It shouldn’t be a test. In fact I would argue you can really love someone and not be compatible. Also big decisions in a marriage are often negotiation and compromise. She could be asking you to give something up/sacrifice and it’s equally important that your needs/concerns are addressed as part of the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But honey, I've convincingly pretended to care about a lot of your stupid problems, isn't that enough?"

Lol. Goney, I didn’t know you read DCUM.