One parent manipulating kids’ emotions post divorce. How to handle this?

[Anonymous]

Parents have different styles of interaction with or Sam end child. I don’t see a problem with either of the two comments your wife hasn’t said to 6-year olds twins. Emotional manipulation, a medical diagnosis, and a search for a custody modification is illogical, unfounded, and will backfire. You have 50/50 and this is the established norm that you have agreed to, and it has worked fine for the children for the 6 years of life as they know it. Stop fearing and creating risks that simply aren’t there. You cannot control or predict with 100% certainty any behavior but your own. It is hard for people to truly accept the power of free will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced now for almost 3 years. My ex and I share joint custody of two amazing kids (6yr old twins). Often when they are at their mom’s house and I’m FaceTiming with them, my ex says things in the background (she’s holding the phone) like, “you just need to say a quick hello” and “it’s okay” when we’re talking. It is completely bizarre as my kids and I have a great relationship and is an obvious attempt to manipulate their emotions. I try to hold strong to the fact that eventually they’ll realize what is going on and better advocate for themselves, but I worry that psychologically their brains are becoming hardwired to feel strained in our relationship unnecessarily. It is crushing me and no matter how much I tell myself that taking the high road and ignoring it is what is right for them in the long run, there has to be something I can do to put a stop to it.

Anyone have any experience with this and have any advice?

How do you believe two 6-year olds responding to their Mother saying, “a quick hello” or “it’s okay”? Also, there is missing context around the statements. Holding the phone is not an issue. You seem very sensitive to controlling behaviors that aren’t within your control, or worth your time. This is not worth the warranty of concern for future psychological damage to your children. Just love them and be a good father. The rest will work itself out.

[Anonymous]

What was the reason for the divorce?

[Anonymous]

They are six!! None of the comments your Ex said seem like manipulation. More likely, time management. Dinner, homework, activities, etc. Have confidence in your relationship. It’s not like the kids are begging to talk to Daddy more and she is telling them to get off.

[Anonymous]

How is a parent assuring their child “it’s okay” manipulation? I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Based on the example given, which I don't think requires any particular intervention, I think the best thing you can do is continue to build a positive relationship with your kids, and one where they can share their thoughts and feelings and know you won't be hurt or angry.