Divorce over abandonment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not qualify as abandonment. The person has to physically leave. If you want a divorce, you need to start a separation. Talk to an attorney. You will likely not get the amount of child support and alimony you think you might (I did the math for me and it was appalling.)

The online calculators are pretty accurate. I agree, 'we don't like each other anymore', 'he didn't go on vacation with me', 'no sex' and 'he doesn't talk to me' are difficult to spin as abuse or abandonment. OP will get what the court orders, of course, but unless there is a lot more to the story, it sounds like it will be the standard split and the OP can look forward a less expensive lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

No.

You will need to get a job and support your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not qualify as abandonment. The person has to physically leave. If you want a divorce, you need to start a separation. Talk to an attorney. You will likely not get the amount of child support and alimony you think you might (I did the math for me and it was appalling.)

The online calculators are pretty accurate. I agree, 'we don't like each other anymore', 'he didn't go on vacation with me', 'no sex' and 'he doesn't talk to me' are difficult to spin as abuse or abandonment. OP will get what the court orders, of course, but unless there is a lot more to the story, it sounds like it will be the standard split and the OP can look forward a less expensive lifestyle.

no one said 'we don't like each other anymore'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not qualify as abandonment. The person has to physically leave. If you want a divorce, you need to start a separation. Talk to an attorney. You will likely not get the amount of child support and alimony you think you might (I did the math for me and it was appalling.)

The online calculators are pretty accurate. I agree, 'we don't like each other anymore', 'he didn't go on vacation with me', 'no sex' and 'he doesn't talk to me' are difficult to spin as abuse or abandonment. OP will get what the court orders, of course, but unless there is a lot more to the story, it sounds like it will be the standard split and the OP can look forward a less expensive lifestyle.

no one said 'we don't like each other anymore'.

It is fairly obvious that you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not qualify as abandonment. The person has to physically leave. If you want a divorce, you need to start a separation. Talk to an attorney. You will likely not get the amount of child support and alimony you think you might (I did the math for me and it was appalling.)

The online calculators are pretty accurate. I agree, 'we don't like each other anymore', 'he didn't go on vacation with me', 'no sex' and 'he doesn't talk to me' are difficult to spin as abuse or abandonment. OP will get what the court orders, of course, but unless there is a lot more to the story, it sounds like it will be the standard split and the OP can look forward a less expensive lifestyle.

no one said 'we don't like each other anymore'.

It is fairly obvious that you don't.

Nice judgement. Gotta love those urban mom responders who sit behind their computers and make assumptions that weren't written into the posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not qualify as abandonment. The person has to physically leave. If you want a divorce, you need to start a separation. Talk to an attorney. You will likely not get the amount of child support and alimony you think you might (I did the math for me and it was appalling.)

The online calculators are pretty accurate. I agree, 'we don't like each other anymore', 'he didn't go on vacation with me', 'no sex' and 'he doesn't talk to me' are difficult to spin as abuse or abandonment. OP will get what the court orders, of course, but unless there is a lot more to the story, it sounds like it will be the standard split and the OP can look forward a less expensive lifestyle.

no one said 'we don't like each other anymore'.

It is fairly obvious that you don't.

Nice judgement. Gotta love those urban mom responders who sit behind their computers and make assumptions that weren't written into the posts.

Way to move the crowd OP You come on a board trying to figure out how you can wring every last nickel out of your stbx - he chooses to sleep separately from you, not want to spend time with you, not want to better the marriage and stated most recently that he’s done and wants a divorce. But somehow we’re morons to assume you don’t like each other. Well check this out - HE clearly doesn’t like YOU.

[Anonymous]

No. That’s how divorces work. He was also probably having an affair. That might get you somewhere.

[Anonymous]

+1 on this not being grounds for abandonment.

I met with several lawyers in VA and all said that it was basically pointless to file for an at fault divorce because you’ll waste time/money proving the fault and it likely won’t affect your property settlement or spousal/child support. And in my case, my Ex had admitted to cheating in writing and I had emails/texts between him and his AP. Just get the no fault divorce and move on with your life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. That’s how divorces work. He was also probably having an affair. That might get you somewhere.

Sell that dream if you want. Might weigh in on how quickly things can move but rarely is it now considered when talking about finances unless explicitly outlined in a pre-nup. Yes it varies by state - but the cost and time involved to prove it to a court really doesn’t make this avenue viable - esp if you’re already worried about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not abandonment. Abandonment is when he leaves, you cannot find him and/or he is not supporting the family. You are unhappy, just file for divorce and move out. You will get child support via a formula but it may not be significant as you want/demand. He is not there to maintain your lifestyle when you choose divorce. You now will have to maintain two homes vs. one and the costs will be significant. He also needs a house that he can have enough room with the kids, etc.

+1. What you describe does not qualify for a fault divorce and even if it did you would spend way more time and money than it’s worth for little to no “reward.”

See the excerpt above. Maybe won't get me more but it is grounds for fault divorce.

But why does it matter and why do you want a fault divorce? The separation period is the same if you have kids. It will not do one thing for you and will cost you more in time and money.

[Anonymous]

My ex tried that. My lawyer laughed. If he lives under the same roof and pays a household bill, you aren't going to get that ruling.

[Anonymous]

A close friend filed for divorce on the grounds of abandonment in VA a few years ago. His wife got a job in another state, moved out one day and stopped answering his calls. That’s abandonment. You’ll also have to prove that you took steps to find the estranged spouse. In my friend’s case he took out an ad in a newspaper.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been having this affair OP? Has he left his wife yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been having this affair OP? Has he left his wife yet?

??