“Let’s be together forever”...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was trying to get a feel. You should just tell him “awesome, I feel the same, let’s ge married!” It’s not that complicated, don’t overthink it it. Good luck

Thanks this was helpful- good point about not overthinking!

No one is cheating. He has been healing from a tough divorce, I lost my DH to an illness. We are both a bit bruised, and I consider it a small miracle that we even found one another. But the “be together forever” really bugs me. It’s vague/open ended.

Youve been together for 5 years. If you can't figure out how to communicate with him about this situation, you have no business getting married.

[Anonymous]

Just talk to him. I will say my spouse and I said things like “we should get married” or “let’s be together forever” during the time leading up to our official engagement. These weren’t exactly commitments at that point; more like stating how we felt at the moment.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs.. he's not going to marry you. 5 years? If he was in his 20s I could understand waiting, but I am going to assume he's not that young. He should know by now whether he wants to marry you or not.

My DH said something similar on a beautiful hike (let's spend forever together) after 1.5 year together, along with a ring and a proposal. We were in our early/mid 30s.

But I will say, that earlier on in our relationship, I did tell him that I did eventually want to get married, maybe not to him and certainly not at that moment, but this was what I wanted.

Does your BF know that you want to eventually get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you say, "I'd marry you if you asked me"?

5 years is a long time to spend with someone if you're not looking for the same things.

"I wouldn't say no if you asked me to marry you"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t discuss this with him after 5 years, there’s a big problem.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 years?

You’re his forever fiancé.

This, if he hasn't asked you to marry him 5 years, time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.

Then you have your answer and can make your own choice.

If you say nothing and he wants to be “together forever” for another five years ... then there you will be.

What do you want?

+1. It seems that you want to get married but you have doubts that your bf wants to get married (or get married to you). After 5 years together, both of you should know clearly what you want and how you see this relationship. There is no need to tip toe around the issue. It is time for a serious talk about your relationship. If he says that he wants marriage too then it’s great, but if your suspicions are confirmed and he doesn’t not want marriage, and you are sure that you do, then it would be the end of your relationship. As painful as that would be, it would be more painful to keep on in this state of limbo for you, go on hoping he’d change his mind and prolonging the inevitable break up. If you part ways now, you’ll have chance to meet someone else who may also want marriage.

[Anonymous]

I went through a painful divorce and I never want to remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through a painful divorce and I never want to remarry.

Thanks for commenting. OP here, and so did he. Seems to a long perhaps never ending (understandably) process of what went wrong, and why. This process clouds the new relationship somewhat. I understand why some divorced (or widowed, like me) people wouldn’t want to remarry, but might still want to declare a commitment. We aren’t 25 anymore. We’ve been through some “life” by now. I do want to remarry however. I’ve said it off and on through our time together, and even gone so far as to say I don’t want a boyfriend. So I guess I feel like I am still waiting on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SO of 5 years asked me this, part way through a hike, on top of a waterfall during tropical winter vacation. The moment was very proposal-ish, but “will you marry me” was not said, nor was there a ring offered. Is this a new thing? I don’t understand, just kind of replied with a quizzical yes (???), and I have been puzzling over it since.

I would like to marry him, but I don’t want to remain unmarried “partners”. If I say this, and he doesn’t want to
marry....?

Can anyone weigh in on this? What would you do or ask? Btw, he is divorced.

Then you have your answer and can make your own choice.

If you say nothing and he wants to be “together forever” for another five years ... then there you will be.

What do you want?

+1. It seems that you want to get married but you have doubts that your bf wants to get married (or get married to you). After 5 years together, both of you should know clearly what you want and how you see this relationship. There is no need to tip toe around the issue. It is time for a serious talk about your relationship. If he says that he wants marriage too then it’s great, but if your suspicions are confirmed and he doesn’t not want marriage, and you are sure that you do, then it would be the end of your relationship. As painful as that would be, it would be more painful to keep on in this state of limbo for you, go on hoping he’d change his mind and prolonging the inevitable break up. If you part ways now, you’ll have chance to meet someone else who may also want marriage.

You are so right. I am just scared to be so definitive. We are a very happy couple, as is. I am not even so sure why I want to remarry... but I do. I don’t think I can be ok with just a “partner”... feels flimsy...?

[Anonymous]

Btw,

A Ring + A Date = Engaged

nothing else is "engaged"

[Anonymous]

Op, you could say, "I would like to marry you, but if you don't want to be married, I need to start dating other people." And act on it, break up.

Or resign yourself that this is your relationship with him, going forward, forever.