Bringing my drug addicted brother around my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are from Ohio, then you should have learned a long time ago to avoid the uncle on crack, cousin on meth, or brother on opiates. It's one thing to meet at Waffle House but definitely not with a child.

Are you from Ohio?

[Anonymous]

I would steer clear of your brother until he is sober. If your dad is happy to travel I would pay for his ticket to come and visit you. It would probably do him good getting away from your brother as well and giving him a rest.

If your dad's health isn't up to travelling, then I would still go see your dad but be very clear that you don't want your child around your brother.

[Anonymous]

I allow my teen to be around an addict who is currently not using meth or heroin. He’s a raging asshole when he’s been drinking, and I can’t subject her to that.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, no way in hell would I expose my kids to that. I can't believe this is even a question. Holy moly.

Yes, invite your dad to visit you. No mention of the drug addict.

[Anonymous]

Definitely have your dad fly to you. As another poster said, you need to send the purchased tickets to your Dad or send the e-ticket to him via email to avoid any potential for interception.

Don't drop contact with your brother until you absolutely have to (and if he has an active addiction to heroin then unfortunately you probably will have to at some point) but see your brother by yourself and traveling to him, not the other way around. When your brother is sober for a year then you can reevaluate.

I don't believe that anyone sets out to become an addict. Your brother deserves your empathy but you need to be very careful so that you don't enable him and that you don't allow him to take advantage of you or your child.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

My cousin, who was raised more like a brother to me, has been an addict for almost 30 years now, meth, cocaine, heroin, opioids, anything. He has stolen fro me, my parents, our grandparents, his brother and his mother while she died in hospice. He crashed my wedding and stole money from the gift table. He’s been in and out of jail for possession and dealing. He’s in his 50s. I have zero empathy for him, some addicts are greedy, selfish, and terrible. I don’t know about OP’s brother but my experience with an addict relative has been horrific. My children have never met him, I blocked him on all social media and I have done everything I can to make sure he doesn’t even know where I live because if he did he would just pop by unannounced to ask for money or a ride or food or whatever. If he ever did show up and didn’t leave immediately I would call the police.

I don’t want him around my kids whatsoever. Nothing good comes out of it. Nothing. Posters on here need real experience with a true long term addict to get it. Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin, who was raised more like a brother to me, has been an addict for almost 30 years now, meth, cocaine, heroin, opioids, anything. He has stolen fro me, my parents, our grandparents, his brother and his mother while she died in hospice. He crashed my wedding and stole money from the gift table. He’s been in and out of jail for possession and dealing. He’s in his 50s. I have zero empathy for him, some addicts are greedy, selfish, and terrible. I don’t know about OP’s brother but my experience with an addict relative has been horrific. My children have never met him, I blocked him on all social media and I have done everything I can to make sure he doesn’t even know where I live because if he did he would just pop by unannounced to ask for money or a ride or food or whatever. If he ever did show up and didn’t leave immediately I would call the police.

I don’t want him around my kids whatsoever. Nothing good comes out of it. Nothing. Posters on here need real experience with a true long term addict to get it. Good luck to you OP.

+1.my younger brother is an addict. He is not allowed alone with my kids, and I am never happier than when he leaves to go back to his state. Keep your kids away.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Paul for a flight to have dad visit you unless of course they are like my family and insist sibling come too. That’s where we are now and trying to figure out what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin, who was raised more like a brother to me, has been an addict for almost 30 years now, meth, cocaine, heroin, opioids, anything. He has stolen fro me, my parents, our grandparents, his brother and his mother while she died in hospice. He crashed my wedding and stole money from the gift table. He’s been in and out of jail for possession and dealing. He’s in his 50s. I have zero empathy for him, some addicts are greedy, selfish, and terrible. I don’t know about OP’s brother but my experience with an addict relative has been horrific. My children have never met him, I blocked him on all social media and I have done everything I can to make sure he doesn’t even know where I live because if he did he would just pop by unannounced to ask for money or a ride or food or whatever. If he ever did show up and didn’t leave immediately I would call the police.

I don’t want him around my kids whatsoever. Nothing good comes out of it. Nothing. Posters on here need real experience with a true long term addict to get it. Good luck to you OP.

OP here. That sounds exactly like our biological mother. She is a long term addict and left us when we were babies. My brother is 2 years younger than me. He's almost 29.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

Definitely go with your gut here, OP, and start setting aside a flight fund so you can fly dad to see you. Have dad to see you more often because he may find it stressful living near your brother.

If dad questions why you want to give him trips, you need to be ready with an answer; if you haven't normally paid for dad to fly to you he might wonder why things have changed (even if he's also pleased at coming to see you). Is your dad/are other family members fully acknowledging that brother is a drug user, or do they make excuses for him or try to gloss over his behavior? I would not have this conversation over the phone or by e-mail while dad's still in Ohio, though; i'd wait and have it in person when he's with you in Florida.

Does your brother live with your dad, OP? If so--you absolutely must buy the tickets directly for dad and not send money, just in case brother gets his hands on the money. I'd want to script out way to approach dad, when he's visiting with you, about whether brother is doing things like borrowing (or stealing) money from dad for drugs (or getting money claiming it's for rent or whatever -- you know it'd be going on drugs).

If you feel your dad would defend your brother, deny there is drug use, etc. then maybe you need to put off that conversation for a while. But meanwhile, have dad to come see you for sure.

OP here: My brother does not live with my dad and my dad is not supportive of him using drugs. He told me when my brother is clearly on drugs he will tell him to leave his house. Apparently he has stolen like 5 tvs from my dad. I can't believe my brother has girlfriends. Most of the time they have $$$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

Definitely go with your gut here, OP, and start setting aside a flight fund so you can fly dad to see you. Have dad to see you more often because he may find it stressful living near your brother.

If dad questions why you want to give him trips, you need to be ready with an answer; if you haven't normally paid for dad to fly to you he might wonder why things have changed (even if he's also pleased at coming to see you). Is your dad/are other family members fully acknowledging that brother is a drug user, or do they make excuses for him or try to gloss over his behavior? I would not have this conversation over the phone or by e-mail while dad's still in Ohio, though; i'd wait and have it in person when he's with you in Florida.

Does your brother live with your dad, OP? If so--you absolutely must buy the tickets directly for dad and not send money, just in case brother gets his hands on the money. I'd want to script out way to approach dad, when he's visiting with you, about whether brother is doing things like borrowing (or stealing) money from dad for drugs (or getting money claiming it's for rent or whatever -- you know it'd be going on drugs).

If you feel your dad would defend your brother, deny there is drug use, etc. then maybe you need to put off that conversation for a while. But meanwhile, have dad to come see you for sure.

OP here: My brother does not live with my dad and my dad is not supportive of him using drugs. He told me when my brother is clearly on drugs he will tell him to leave his house. Apparently he has stolen like 5 tvs from my dad. I can't believe my brother has girlfriends. Most of the time they have $$$$

PP here with addict cousin. My cousin ALWAYS had a good looking girlfriend. I don’t get it. He’s such a loser. And now apparently he has two kids. He has had so many DUIs (fprndriving on drugs) and speeding tickets he has his license rebooked forever, a lifetime ban on a drivers license. He can only get jobs in restaurants, probably because he loves the immediatel cash and can go out and buy. Anyway he was riding one of those electric scooters to work a few months ago, probably high, with no helmet and ran into a tree and got a TBI. But he couldn’t deal without his drugs and checked himself out of the hospital as son as he could. He’s 55. I don’t want anything to do with him. It’s a life time of scamming, stealing, lying, you name it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

What’s the question? If your dad is not supportive of your brother he will fully understand why you don’t want your child (or yourself) to be with him. Just tell him now that you were uncomfortable during your last visit and for now you’d rather have him come visit you or go to Ohio only when your brother isn’t around. What possibly would the fallout be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are from ANYWHERE, then you should have learned a long time ago to avoid the uncle on crack, cousin on meth, or brother on opiates. It's one thing to meet at Waffle House but definitely not with a child.

Yes. The bolded is all you need to know. This is specifically why Waffle House, IHOP and Applebee's were invented.

[Anonymous]

Stay away.

Addicts never change until they fully decide to. You can’t help them. And never enable them- give money, bail out, be a halfway house. It will suck you down into mourning for years.