Bringing my drug addicted brother around my child

[Anonymous]

I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a better plan. I have no sympathy for people who do drugs. Avoid him until it's crystal clear he's sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a better plan. I have no sympathy for people who do drugs. Avoid him until it's crystal clear he's sober.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do not bring kids around active addicts. Do whatever you have to do to achieve that.

[Anonymous]

You have my permission to not see him around your child.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is an addict and we don’t go where she and MIL live to visit. MIL comes here. MIL thinks we’re being a bit dramatic but she also knows we’re serious, so if she wants to see her grandkids she comes here.

[Anonymous]

I would not allow my kids near a drug addict.

[Anonymous]

If you are from Ohio, then you should have learned a long time ago to avoid the uncle on crack, cousin on meth, or brother on opiates. It's one thing to meet at Waffle House but definitely not with a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

Great plan to fly dad (& mom?) visit you if they are up to the travel and would enjoy the trip--win win.
And yeah--it's totally reasonable to shield your kids from active addicts. At age 1, your DC was likely none the worse for wear, but it will be harder as DC gets older and can understand more of what's going on.

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I don't have as much issue with the substance abuse as I do the poor interactions (seriously, what person doesn't know that you shouldn't be dropping the F-bomb around little kids, especially when you've been asked not to?).

My brother is a functional alcoholic who smokes. When we visit (in the midwest), we're all happy to see him. But! He's appropriate and doesn't smoke in the house. He also admonishes the kids not to go the path he's gone.

In your situation, I'd have no problem NOT seeing your brother until he can behave appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went back to Ohio and found out my brother is on and off heroin. We went to dinner with my 1 year old and every other word was wtf. I asked him to stop but he did not take that well. He was obnoxious at dinner. It was awful. What would you do in the future? Should I have my dad visit me? I live in coastal Florida so it wouldn't be a big deal for my parents to visit us. We could give them skymiles/ gift him a flight. My dad doesn't have a lot of savings so I would feel better paying for his flight. He also loves the beach.

Definitely go with your gut here, OP, and start setting aside a flight fund so you can fly dad to see you. Have dad to see you more often because he may find it stressful living near your brother.

If dad questions why you want to give him trips, you need to be ready with an answer; if you haven't normally paid for dad to fly to you he might wonder why things have changed (even if he's also pleased at coming to see you). Is your dad/are other family members fully acknowledging that brother is a drug user, or do they make excuses for him or try to gloss over his behavior? I would not have this conversation over the phone or by e-mail while dad's still in Ohio, though; i'd wait and have it in person when he's with you in Florida.

Does your brother live with your dad, OP? If so--you absolutely must buy the tickets directly for dad and not send money, just in case brother gets his hands on the money. I'd want to script out way to approach dad, when he's visiting with you, about whether brother is doing things like borrowing (or stealing) money from dad for drugs (or getting money claiming it's for rent or whatever -- you know it'd be going on drugs).

If you feel your dad would defend your brother, deny there is drug use, etc. then maybe you need to put off that conversation for a while. But meanwhile, have dad to come see you for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow my kids near a drug addict.

Even a sober addict? Because my husband, with multiple years of sobriety, still considers himself an addict, as does his sponsor, who hasn't done drugs in 39 years.

[Anonymous]

you will learn as a parent that you have to make a lot of difficult choices to keep your child safe. this is just the beginning. learn now how to say NO to anything that does not serve you or your family. definitely goes for anything unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Protect your child. No more exposure to a drug addict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow my kids near a drug addict.

Even a sober addict? Because my husband, with multiple years of sobriety, still considers himself an addict, as does his sponsor, who hasn't done drugs in 39 years.

I suppose some people might say no addicts, ever, but personally I'd be okay with my kid being around someone who is sober and has been sober for at least a couple of years with no lapses. And I'd be laxer if I were present. I mean, I grew up with functioning alcoholics in my extended family, and I certainly spent time around them at family events, but my mom didn't have those people babysit me.

I'd have less of an issue having lunch in a restaurant with an addict (unless he was actually high at the time) than with the constant profanity in front of a kid, which (1) doesn't really have anything to do with his addiction and which (2) even the most potty-mouthed adult should know is not okay.