Spouse too cheap to go on vacation?

[Anonymous]

My husband always makes excuses for not wanting to travel. Pick an excuse and he’s used it. So years ago I just started planning trips by myself. He was welcome to come. I’d just say - hey I want to go to London. Looking at the calendar X dates works for both of us. Tickets cost whatever and I found a hotel in blah blah neighborhood. “ I am going to make reservations. Do you want me to get you a ticket?”

He’d always say yes because he’d realize I am serious. It is harder now because we have kids - but he knows I am serious and I’d leave him home with one of them or both. Also - after he fact he still has fond memories and appreciates all the places we’ve seen.

I have also planned two girls trips over the years and do travel without him. Again - that’s harder now that we have kids - but I will do it and just get babysitters for some of the time I am gone.

[Anonymous]

I’ve basically given up on vacations with DH. He’s miserable and anxious and ruins every time we travel. Even our honeymoon sucked. I take the approach of the PP above and usually go by myself or with my son and frankly I’m aleays disappointed when my DH decides to come. I think he does because he wants to be part of the family vacation, or feels obligated, or doesn’t want to be left out, but without fail he is uncomfortable and stressed and just doesn’t enjoy a minute of it.

Like OP, my DH’s family rarely traveled and when they did it was a misery. Interestingly (for me) my family rarely traveled and it was always dysfunctional. But I LOVE traveling now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about a local place. A nearby city to explore you can drive to. That’s what me and dw do

Where?

[Anonymous]

Thank you PPs! Yes, he is kind of miserly and they personality that goes with that - petulant comes to mind. His parents were the same. I appreciate the support. How do you get teens to join you (they see his example unfortunately)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PPs! Yes, he is kind of miserly and they personality that goes with that - petulant comes to mind. His parents were the same. I appreciate the support. How do you get teens to join you (they see his example unfortunately)?

Try going somewhere they might like to go, New York or California? Go see a broadway show, go to a big sports game, go to a big concert, make a trip around it. If you get them excited for the first trip, maybe they’ll be more excited for the second, the third, the fourth, etc. leave DH at home to sulk if you have to but try not to let this run off on the kids.

[Anonymous]

He does not sound like a person I would want to vacation with, let alone live with. But some nearby alternatives are Fallingwater in PA that you can combine with beautiful hikes, or taking the train to Philly and making a long weekend out of it - build it around something he would find enjoyable: art, history, science, food, etc.

Personally I love traveling and would prefer to travel alone, or just with my kids, or a friend who enjoys traveling than have a trip ruined by a miserly grouch. Maybe travel is not the best way for you all to spend your family time, so look into other things you could do together, a common hobby like learning a new skill or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does not sound like a person I would want to vacation with, let alone live with. But some nearby alternatives are Fallingwater in PA that you can combine with beautiful hikes, or taking the train to Philly and making a long weekend out of it - build it around something he would find enjoyable: art, history, science, food, etc.

Personally I love traveling and would prefer to travel alone, or just with my kids, or a friend who enjoys traveling than have a trip ruined by a miserly grouch. Maybe travel is not the best way for you all to spend your family time, so look into other things you could do together, a common hobby like learning a new skill or whatever.

OP here. I agree. Whenever he "plans" the trip, he takes the longest route possible. If he can't drive, he will make the air flight about four stops instead of one, just to prove a point. Literally, we went overseas once in so many years, and it took 14 hours instead of six, and didn't save that much (if any). So, I have learned to plan everything, just not sure where to start. It is difficult when the teens hav picked up on his immaturity, and they regress too. I just want them to have a few happy memories. Before I know it, they will be on their own. My family did not do fancy vacations (like you read about on DCUM), and i don't want anything fancy, just a little enjoyment in life. My family really looked forward to and enjoyed our few trips together. DH's family took it as an opportunity to attack each other (usually DH) - they are very passive aggressive, and I just want a handful of happy experiences, that's all. Going away with them is not my idea of a good time, because DH regresses and is on his worst behavior with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He does not sound like a person I would want to vacation with, let alone live with. But some nearby alternatives are Fallingwater in PA that you can combine with beautiful hikes, or taking the train to Philly and making a long weekend out of it - build it around something he would find enjoyable: art, history, science, food, etc.

Personally I love traveling and would prefer to travel alone, or just with my kids, or a friend who enjoys traveling than have a trip ruined by a miserly grouch. Maybe travel is not the best way for you all to spend your family time, so look into other things you could do together, a common hobby like learning a new skill or whatever.

OP here. I agree. Whenever he "plans" the trip, he takes the longest route possible. If he can't drive, he will make the air flight about four stops instead of one, just to prove a point. Literally, we went overseas once in so many years, and it took 14 hours instead of six, and didn't save that much (if any). So, I have learned to plan everything, just not sure where to start. It is difficult when the teens hav picked up on his immaturity, and they regress too. I just want them to have a few happy memories. Before I know it, they will be on their own. My family did not do fancy vacations (like you read about on DCUM), and i don't want anything fancy, just a little enjoyment in life. My family really looked forward to and enjoyed our few trips together. DH's family took it as an opportunity to attack each other (usually DH) - they are very passive aggressive, and I just want a handful of happy experiences, that's all. Going away with them is not my idea of a good time, because DH regresses and is on his worst behavior with them.

To add, I wouldn't care about the 14 hours if it were just me and him, but with the teens, it was grueling and non stop complaining (they see him do it).

[Anonymous]

Take the kids on a Royal Caribbean cruise. Go on either the harmony or Oasis class of ship. They will have a wonderful time.