DH temper problems

[Anonymous]

First, you should go for a long walk or wander around the mall - something to exercise and let you physically vent your emotions.

Second, do you have any family members or friends you can stay with if you have a bad argument and it's too much for you to stay around him? Sometimes distancing yourself will allow you to put things in perspective, and you need to be around people who show that they care about you (which I'm sure he does, but lately isn't very good at showing it). And guaranteed your hormones are making this much more difficult for you to deal with.

Third, he needs to see a professional - he could easily be depressed (especially if he has a history of substance abuse, usually indicative of a psychological disorder), stressed, overwhelmed, or acting out issues from his own childhood. You are about to go through a true relationship test, and you should take advantage of the little time you have to focus on yourselves and your relationship. Couples counseling would be good but he seems like he needs to identify his issues and learn how to cope.

Fourth, if you take the lead in the relationship, and now you're having a child who will also call the shots, he could be anxious that he ends up lowest on the totem pole. Start now and give him some more responsibilities, even if it's little stuff like changing the oil in the car or picking up take-out for dinner. Don't complain or dictate how it's done, just praise him when it is and let him know how helpful he is. Try to avoid mentioning the fact that you're pregnant unless it really is necessary (no I can't help you lift that TV, or sorry for the freakout over the spilt milk). Tell him often how he makes you happy and how you can't wait until a few months when he can ravage you in bed (surely like most very-pregnant women your sex life has taken a dive). And the little things will set a good groundwork for all the tasks that need to be handled when you have a kid....and balancing out the attention that you have to divide between him and your child. It's unfortunate that you need to put a lot of work into this relationship right now, but it'll pay off and he WILL surprise you at how well he handles fatherhood.

[Anonymous]

PP here - ok, maybe a SLOW walk or just sit outside and get some fresh air.

[Anonymous]

9:34 had some really good advice OP.

PP, not sure how assuring her that he WILL handle fatherhood well is helpful, we have no way of knowing for sure, but based on signs, he could well be dangerous, rather than a slow starter. Your advice that he get help is right on but there is no way to get him to comply.

OP can you go stay with someone at least for the weekend? Get some peace and relaxation and some clarity? Talk to the folks at Alanon and get their take as well, they know what you are dealing with in a way that most of us are only guessing at. Take care, OP.

[Anonymous]

A lot of good advice has already been given here, but I just wanted to add one thought: you mentioned that this all started with being pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. It's possible - I don't know which country he's from- that this triggered some bad memory in him as in post traumatic stress disorder? You may not know what has happened to him in the past.
However, you are currently in no state to get to the bottom of his erratic worrisome behavior and have to enlist help to make sure you and your baby are going to be safe. Concentrate on that, and you can find out what's going on at a later time. If you must, get yourself to a safe place before the situation escalates.