I've reached my breaking point

[Anonymous]

OP, how long of a maternity leave did you take? How did you feel then? I think that can give you a basic idea, although not definitive, of what it's like to be a SAHM. SAH is not for everyone, at the risk of stating the obvious. It could make things worse for you. Sounds like it's not working but working in a law firm environment that is dragging you down? In any case, perhaps quitting or taking a leave of absence will allow you to evaluate how you feel at home and/or look for something else that's more flexible. I am a federal govt attorney who is able to work full-time from home (after about 2 years of working the office, where I also had a lot of flexibility) and I am grateful. I'd look for a govt job (depends on the agency, though).

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies and insights. I took 2 long maternity leaves (5 months each), although my nanny remained through the second so that really doesn't give me a true sense of what it would be like to SAH. I can fully admit that as much as I adore my kids and love my time with them, I'm probably not cut out to be a full-time SAHM even though we could afford to live on DH's income alone. I'm just finding that as my kids get older (youngest is 3), there are so many more demands on my time at school and after-school. I can only imagine what it must be like once real homework is involved. Even though I have had plenty of slower periods of work where I have really maintained my part-time schedule, the majority of the time I am logging back in for at least a couple of hours every night after the kids go to bed in addition to whatever else needs to be taken care of on the homefront and it has become an exhausting cycle. I also can't stand the lack of predictability and the inability to make set plans on my "days off" since things inevitably come up at work that I have to deal with. So I end up making no plans and end up feeling isolated most days when I'm not in the office. I just wonder if taking a leave of absence and trying out SAH full-time would ultimately make me happier without the added stress and the ability to get into a more regular routine with friends. I guess I won't know unless I give it a try...

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I think I would really concentrate on finding a new job, rather than quitting without one. From what I have heard, it is harder to get a job with a gap in your resume.

But, I know that I couldn't be a SAHM, and I am so type A I would constantly worry about the next step. If you are more laid back and can deal with time off, a break might be nice. It really depends on your personality and tolerance for that kind of thing. There ARE flexible situations out there - and there are full time jobs that are really and truly finished for the day when you leave at 5 or 5:30. It sounds like even if you started a slower paced full time job, it would be less stressful than your situation now.

Good luck - I'm sorry you are stressed, but this too shall pass!

[Anonymous]

OP-- I was part-time at a big law firm and am now home 18 months. Love it!! The lack of stress in the family life makes an enourmous difference. I think you're right that you won't know until you try. I have maintained an hourly contract with my firm and work on a project basis 5-10 hours/week. The work is less than thrilling but I like having it and keeping up my contacts with collegues.

If that's not an option I suggest that you put enough childcare/preschool in place that you can do something professional. Get on a board of trustees or volunteer regularly at WEAVE or another legal non-profit that interests you and will also build your resume. You want to keep you professional identity alive but on your terms.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the other replies, so this may have been covered, but at least some government jobs are great for coming and going for kid's events. Heck, I have friends who work for the government that I wonder if they ever work 8 hours a day given all the excuses they have for being late, leaving early, going to long lunches. And my job - which is sort of government - is hard - but they are pretty darn good at being family friendly. Even my VP leaves early for school events. Also some government agencies are really good with working at home and part-time.

That is not to say you should not become a SAHM, but it sounds like your view is it is all or nothing. Very hard job, working long hours, or SAHM. There are jobs in between. Yes, they are harder to come by and come with a pay decrease, but often well worth it.