divorce + crush

[Anonymous]

PP here - just read your prior post. So are you upset that he was possibly involved with someone else other than you? Or that he hasn’t reached out to pursue something with you now that he’s unattached?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to know what is going on. It's upsetting to see the posts about the situation on his end. I probably did idealize him and would like more information - seems like the best way to get over this.

No, no, no, the best way to get over this is to STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM and stop paying attention to his messed-up life. Unfollow him on social media (as well as anyone else who might provide information about him).

[Anonymous]

I thought OP was excited he was getting divorced and upset they weren't together yet.

It looks like I misunderstood. I don't even really understand what the heck she is saying? Too weird.

[Anonymous]

I didn't mean for this to be unclear. I think 12:35 gets it mostly right.

[Anonymous]

OP, I remember your last post. For god's sake, just reach out to him. This is killing you inside. You need something to happen in real life- progress or rejection- to move past this man.

[Anonymous]

You should distract yourself with activities and projects. I had a similar situation, we did finally get together, and it was deeply disappointing so I was glad I was in the midst of a very compelling (hobby) project outside of work. I spent any spare time reading and reaching out to friends I had let languish. It was a terrible divorce and an unhappy and embarrassing crush, yes, but alone time with a project saved me

[Anonymous]

I think everyone who has been through a rough divorce finds someone to fantasize about. We’re grasping for something nice and comforting. I think by your assessment that it was cheating that blew up his marriage just popped your fantasy. That’s why you’re so upset. Not that he ever would be but now he definitely isn’t your knight in shining armor. He’s just another selfish, weak man who put his own desires before his family, he’s human and makes mistakes like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone who has been through a rough divorce finds someone to fantasize about. We’re grasping for something nice and comforting. I think by your assessment that it was cheating that blew up his marriage just popped your fantasy. That’s why you’re so upset. Not that he ever would be but now he definitely isn’t your knight in shining armor. He’s just another selfish, weak man who put his own desires before his family, he’s human and makes mistakes like everyone else.

I’m still married and I have fantasies.

I don’t get why OP is upset.

[Anonymous]

Me either. Seems a bit unhinged. She’s upset that a fantasy crush had an affair and is divorcing and didn’t contact her to express his love for her prior to the affair?!?

Her fantasy has gone delusional.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the above advice. The terrible thing is I do all those things, but I still think about this too much to be healthy. And, yes, I may have been delusional about much or all of this, that's why I keep thinking I just wish I could have had more information. I realize that's not always possible or appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Is that you T Lynn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m still married and I have fantasies.

Ooh, I’m telling.