Son staying up until 3-4 am in his room on break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster, don’t you worry they aren’t getting good sleep and screwing up the cycle for the school week?

DP. No. That is a control freak OCD behavior. They are not toddlers any more.

[Anonymous]

Mine likes her sleep. She routinely can’t make it past midnight. I let her sleep as long as possible on weekends and during breaks. She has been averaging 11-12 hours per night over Thanksgiving .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

I was a teen in the late 90s, and I was up late talking on the phone to friends or reading; I wasn't allowed to log onto AOL late at night , but it didn't stop me from wanting/needing to stay up late. I was at my most energetic and productive after midnight...and I am still a night owl.

[Anonymous]

I let my 13 year old do it. The only problem is, like today, he's just now getting up and he's got tons of homework to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

I was a teen in the late 90s, and I was up late talking on the phone to friends or reading; I wasn't allowed to log onto AOL late at night , but it didn't stop me from wanting/needing to stay up late. I was at my most energetic and productive after midnight...and I am still a night owl.

By late, do you mean 3 am?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has to give me his phone at 10:30 on weekends/vacations so if he is still awake on his own, there is nothing I can do about it.

This. Except for rare occasions, for my 15-year-old I impose screen-free time at ~11:30-midnight on non-school nights, unless we are watching something on TV together. (This counts as family time, not screen time IMO.) Phone, computer, TV, iPad, whatever stay downstairs. Kid can stay up reading or writing in his room all night if he wants. (He also has music loaded onto an old iPod if he wants music with headphones, but AFAICT he almost never opts for that.) He's always asleep within an hour.

My older DS (now 21) OTOH has always been very self-regulating--throughout high school he always put himself to bed by midnight, 10:30 on school nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

This is absolutely true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

Exactly. We spend so much effort trying to justify teen sleep schedules and ignore the volumes of data about how screens effect our sleep habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

Exactly. We spend so much effort trying to justify teen sleep schedules and ignore the volumes of data about how screens effect our sleep habits.

Correct. And we also have volumes of data about how many teens aren't great at self-regulation (frontal lobe, etc), so that's why parents need to provide some guardrails.

[Anonymous]

If they want to stay up late and watch tv/Netflix in the family room, no prob. They can even text with their friends until late in the family room if they want too. Hell, I’d stay up and watch 11:30 SNL as a teen.

I don’t let them to have their phones in their rooms after about 10:00 though. Why? If smartphones weren’t invented I wouldn’t let them have a tv in their rooms, why is a smartphone any different?

[Anonymous]

Parental controls shut off phone and computer at 12:30. We also wake him up by 9:30 or 10. Seems to do the trick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster, don’t you worry they aren’t getting good sleep and screwing up the cycle for the school week?

DP. No. That is a control freak OCD behavior. They are not toddlers any more.

NP
I disagree. It's just good parenting. Lack of sufficient sleep is behind all sorts of things, and Thanksgiving break is too short to have it be worth breaking the cycle.

I didn't get all uptight about it, to the point it was a scene with the kids. I let them stay up playing on the computer about an hour past their regular bedtime, but then asked them to go to bed. They didn't argue (I try not to get too rigid, and they tend to respect my thoughts on things)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you do this as a teen? I sure did.

NP.

I didn’t voluntarily stay up after 12:30 until college. Even then, never 3 or 4 am by choice. While I believe that adolescents have different sleep cycles, I think screens are making it worse. In the late 80s and early 90s, even cable tv was boring at that time of day.

Exactly. We spend so much effort trying to justify teen sleep schedules and ignore the volumes of data about how screens effect our sleep habits.

Correct. And we also have volumes of data about how many teens aren't great at self-regulation (frontal lobe, etc), so that's why parents need to provide some guardrails.

I am one of the parents who lets my kids do what they want, sleepwise, over breaks. I also agree about the self-regulation. But if I'm dictating to them what to do - e.g. following the rules I had for them when they were 13-14 of no screens past 9pm, lights out by 10pm - then they're not learning how to do it themselves, which they are going to have to do in college. I want my 16 year old to be able to identify what she feels like when she's not getting enough sleep, and what steps to take to start getting better sleep. She's going to be off to college next year and she won't have mom there identifying and fixing it for her.

It probably also helps that so far, my kids aren't regular up until 4am kids. I put myself to bed every night at 10pm and recommend to the kids they should be falling asleep around then, too, and usually they're on their way. I recommend swim as a sport that reinforces getting good sleep, because getting up at 5am on 2-4 hours of sleep is miserable.

[Anonymous]

My son plays travel sports and many Sundays there are baseball double headers. He’s alseep by 9-9:30 on weekends and 8-8:30 on weekdays. Kids need their sleep. It’s when they grow. I was also very strict about bedtimes when they were younger. It’s a non- negotiable for me.

[Anonymous]

^^PP here. And, there are no screens at bedtime. He won’t get a phone until next year (8th) and when he does it stays downstairs.