Waiting a year for kindergarten/ADHD kid/principal’s suggestion

[Anonymous]

I would not hold back for a January birthday. His ADHD is not the equivalent of being a year behind (and as my husband will tell you, many people NEVER outgrow their ADHD symptoms).

[Anonymous]

What will he do the rest of this year if you pull him out? Does he have a good place to go? Do you feel like you will be successful in getting the right supports in place for him for next year?

My son does not have ADHD but does have a language disorder and anxiety. He has a March birthday. He was in a great play based pre-k so I just left him there an extra year. It was half day and he and I worked on academics and handwriting in the afternoons, and did his OT then (speech person worked with him at school). We thought about drugs for the anxiety, but decided against it (though for ADHD we probably would have tried).

He is now in 4th grade. He still has language issues and anxiety, and is probably the oldest and tallest kid in his school (which goes up to 5th grade). But I have never regretted giving him that year.

[Anonymous]

Also, OP please notice that the people telling you not to hold back apparently do not have a (January) kid who they held back. Everyone who says they have done it is speaking positively about it.

[Anonymous]

I have a January kid with ADHD. I wouldn't have held him back because he is impulsive and immature socially, but he's smart and a fast thinker- he gets bored super easily so it wouldn't have worked for the academics to be below him.

But, I think you should consider it if the academics and social issues are more on the same level.

Most people who hold back their kids are happy about it.

[Anonymous]

I would not hold back a January birthday. Would be different is he was a summer birthday.

You have to ask - what would holding back accomplish other than *hoping* that it will help? I know two families who held back kids with learning issues, it didn't help and they are still delayed but now they are a year older in their class. And the school doesn't recognize how far behind they *really* are.

I did not hold back my April birthday with ADHD. He would have been bored to tears if I had. And we would still be dealing with the same challenges.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those decisions (whatever you decide) that you won't know was the right/wrong decision until years down the road.

Two of my 3 kids have ADHD and those two were both born in the spring - so not really candidates for delaying K. My older DS was diagnosed in K (before his 6th birthday) with ADHD/MERLD and got his 1st IEP in K. He'd been diagnosed with anxiety the spring before K. He did not do well academically in K but was positive about school, had friends and no behavioral issues. He was also notably less mature than his peers and his language/communication and emotional regulation were notably delayed. Younger DS has a similar profile to older DS but was delayed enough that he was eligible for the non-cat special ed preschool. He, however, learned to read in K. I had wanted to hold younger DS back a year but was told his IEP would ensure appropriate support and if I held him back, he would still not be eligible to continue with the special ed preschool (which is offered by the school system).

The kids are now in HS/MS. In hindsight, it was the right decision not to hold older DS back - but that wasn't clear until he was in MS. By that time, with the exception of math, he no longer needed special ed services/support. He seemed more immature than many of his peers at the lower/middle levels of ES but this was less noticeable as he got older and, per HS teacher report, he is one of the more mature kids in his grade. Younger DS, on the other hand, I wish we'd kept him back. He is maturing and developing but still noticeably more immature than his peers. I think he is one of the few kids that really would have benefited from additional time. For most kids, like older DS, they tend to even out by the time they hit MS.

Really helpful, wasn't I?

[Anonymous]

October bday DS. I am happy that I didn't wait a year. We were in MCPS. He received the services that he needed, along with the peer interactions that he needed. It would have been harder to get these if he wasn't in school. It also helped him to learn to work harder and understand that their are expectations that he needed to try to meet. When I informed DS that a possible impact of his behavior was repeating K, he was very upset and he started trying harder. Knowing helped him be more aware. We worked as a team to help him be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not hold back for a January birthday. His ADHD is not the equivalent of being a year behind (and as my husband will tell you, many people NEVER outgrow their ADHD symptoms).

This exactly. My DS has ADHD, among other issues. Difference between K and 1 (re his behaviors and attention) was negligible.

[Anonymous]

Its hard decision, my kid pre school principle suggested I hold back my son and redo the 3year old class before going to the 4s and I fought it. While he was socially and emotionally behind, I knew he will be bored, academically speaking he was advanced for his age. 4s class was better, But not perfect, he was getting extra services through his IEP and now he is doing very well in k with IEP support and while he still have issues to work on he is advanced academically. I think it would have worse for him if I held him back. Op, there is not perfect answer, follow your gut! Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:October bday DS. I am happy that I didn't wait a year. We were in MCPS. He received the services that he needed, along with the peer interactions that he needed. It would have been harder to get these if he wasn't in school. It also helped him to learn to work harder and understand that their are expectations that he needed to try to meet. When I informed DS that a possible impact of his behavior was repeating K, he was very upset and he started trying harder. Knowing helped him be more aware. We worked as a team to help him be successful.

I suspect you are from GP and do not have a kid with SNs - what you did is equivalent to telling a kid with a visual disability he could see better if only he tried harder.

[Anonymous]

If they are not providing the right services and support this year, what will holding back and trying again next year do? Push for a better IEP and hire an advocate if you need to.

[Anonymous]

January birthday here, son with ADHD. We didn’t consider holding back because he wasn’t yet diagnosed but I definitely would have considered it. Most of his friends are younger than him due to his immaturity and personal interests. He struggles socially in school so I think it would be easier for him if he had an extra year to matue. He is in 4th grade now and it’s amazing how much they mature in a year.

[Anonymous]

Most children with ADHD are socially and emotionally 3 years behind their neurotical peers. Check out the research. ADHD can certainly affect a person's entire life, but certain characteristics change or can be ameliorated over time. For instance a very impulsive child may decide he doesn't want to sit at a computer all day when they begin working and would rather have a more active job (doctor, nurse, teacher, police, firemen, etc., etc., etc.).. My DS is ADHD combined type and now is a senior. He's still impulsive, but it is demonstrated in a completely different way. He knows now that going to the gym to work off some of the physical energy is helpful before he does his homework.

[Anonymous]

We have a november DS (7) so holding back wasn't an option because he would have been almost two years older than some of the kids. Now in 1st grade, and his immaturity is starting to be a big problem vis a vis making friends. But he's also in the gifted program this year, and that's been a godsend for his academics -- he's so much more interested and focused on school this year. But he's been on meds since preschool, and i don't think we could have done K or 1st without them.

In sum: We couldn't have held him back in any event, because he would have been too old. Would have been great to hold him back on the social interactions, but terrible on the academics.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd take the principal's suggestion very seriously - she sounds good, and sounds like she has an experienced basis for making the suggestion.

I considered but did not hold back my July boy. I do regret it partially -- it's clear now (in 1st) that socially he's behind, and I think he'd have an easier time making friends as one of the older ones in the class than younger ones.

But the reason we did not hold him back is that he ended up thriving in the very structured K and 1st grade classes, and seemed to enjoy them from day 1. Although he has had behavioral issues in the past, he did not once he started K, and it was basically immediately clear that he would be able to handle the academics ... and more importantly that he enjoyed it. That said, personally I think the social-emotional is more important, so if you could tell me "he'd be bored held back, but would make a few good buddies and be more comfortable socially," I would take that in a second

If I had your kid though -- with behavioral issues and not really thriving academically or socially and a very experienced educator recommending it -- I would absolutely very strongly consider it. I wouldn't even give much thought to the January birthday.