Traumatic Delivery

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. My first birth was very traumatic. Very early preterm birth (baby was in the NICU for a couple months) and a true emergency c-section that did not go well. My medical providers did not cause the trauma. They did as best they could and all, with the exception of a terrible postpartum nurse, were kind and thoughtful. It was just a terrible situation and experience. I had a hard time getting over it and my baby’s NICU stay. I eventually saw a therapist who I think helped and I went on to have additional children. Those births were normal and honestly were like a visit to the dentist.

So, if this continues to be an issue beyond a normal time (6 weeks or so), consider seeing a therapist.

Many good thoughts for you and your baby.

[Anonymous]

NP here - agree with PP to get help if it doesn’t go away in a few weeks. I had PTSD symptoms after my DD’s terrifying birth. It doesn’t matter what was scary about it for you, if you can’t let it go then just get help. There’s no shame in that. I eventually got over it but it took around 2 years. I wish I’d gotten help sooner.

[Anonymous]

My 3rd delivery was very traumatic and I was diagnosed with PPD and PTSD.

I found a therapist that specialized in trauma and EMDR.

I am literally a person that does not cry over anything, I didn't even cry at my parent's funerals. I could not stop crying and if anybody asked me about the birth and burst into tears. I literally could not control my body's response.

I met with the EMDR specialist 3 times and viola no more crying. The PPD took about 8 months to lift but I could manage that since I knew it was hormonal and as my hormones went back to normal so did I.

Best wishes getting help and don't let people minimize your experience because their experience was different. OB/GYNs are useless in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I had a traumatic birth with my first baby; he is now 18 years old.

I found the best way to recover emotionally from it was to focus on enjoying my baby. For some women, that might mean spending lots of time alone with the baby so you can bond. For me, i found I really enjoyed seeing my friends and family with my baby; it was my parents first grandchild, my brother's first time being an uncle, etc. It really helped me to have others gushing and fawning over my baby and telling me what a good mom I was.

[Anonymous]

Don't let people make you think that PTSD from childbirth is something that does not happen to strong people.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the comments bc things have been super negative but I did want to share an article from Motherly that a childhood friend wrote about her traumatic birth experience.

https://www.facebook.com/1595847887360603/posts/2294390207506364/

Praying for you as you continue to process and heal from your experience. Don’t feel like you have to push through the fog alone!

[Anonymous]

Can you find a support group where you can share your experience and hear others' experiences? I never did that but in retrospect I think it might have helped. Something that helped me, ironically, was to listen to the Birth Hour podcast and hear all the different experiences women shared. I think it was a low-stakes way for me to feel less isolated in my feelings.

Definitely ask for help if it doesn't get better or if it's interfering with your life.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you for the advice and varying perspectives. I was separated from my baby for nearly 5 days while I was in the ICU and he was in the NICU. It was scary, and both physically and emotionally draining for both me and my husband. We are all home now and in many ways, we feel lucky that everyone is safe and together at home. However, I am still processing all of the fear, anguish, and guilt of being away from my baby (and two other children who were at home with a nanny and my parents). My husband is eager to put this all behind us and get back to regular life. I am still pretty shaken up and just want to hold my baby and cry most of the time. I will definitely see a counselor but I like the idea of starting a “self care” regimen to prioritize healing. I want to be a great mom, wife, employee and friend, and I know that in order to do that, I need to take care of this now.

[Anonymous]

I wish you all the best, OP. You sound like a strong, level-headed woman.
-I'm the one who is not a big fan of male obstetricians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the advice and varying perspectives. I was separated from my baby for nearly 5 days while I was in the ICU and he was in the NICU. It was scary, and both physically and emotionally draining for both me and my husband. We are all home now and in many ways, we feel lucky that everyone is safe and together at home. However, I am still processing all of the fear, anguish, and guilt of being away from my baby (and two other children who were at home with a nanny and my parents). My husband is eager to put this all behind us and get back to regular life. I am still pretty shaken up and just want to hold my baby and cry most of the time. I will definitely see a counselor but I like the idea of starting a “self care” regimen to prioritize healing. I want to be a great mom, wife, employee and friend, and I know that in order to do that, I need to take care of this now.

you have an inherent intrinsic right to be healthy for yourself .. not for everyone else!

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you today, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am extremely sorry for your experience. The advice you are getting is similar to the poor advice I got on these boards when I posted about my traumatic delivery. So I dismissed my feelings. And my feelings were dismissed by my care providers as well. I was told I should feel lucky I had a healthy baby and to get over the birth. It was awful. So I tried to push through, but I was struggling. I wasted nearly a year struggling to survive. I tried PPD groups but I didn’t have PPD. I tried new moms groups but it made me feel more isolated. I suffered flashbacks, crying spells, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating. I could not relax. I contemplated suicide. I knew something was not right but no one seemed able to help me.

It turned out I had significant, and severe postpartum PTSD. It is widely under recognized and under diagnosed, even among midwives and OBs. It took me nearly a year to realize this and get help. If you are using the word traumatic to describe the delivery, that is a red flag. I encourage you, strongly, to seek help. Please speak to your OB. Schedule a visit with a psychologist. Georgetown has a women’s mental health center for postpartum women. GW has a similar one called the five trimesters clinic. Both would be good placed to start. I did EMDR therapy, and that was what ultimately helped me. I also got involved with several birth trauma organizations which helped me normalize my experience and feelings and see I was not alone.

Check out the information on the Birth Trauma Association (a British charity) and the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (Australia and NZ) and read about birth trauma. If the information there resonates with you, it is highly likely you are experiencing birth trauma. They both have private FB groups you can join for help and support. Another helpful resource is the book, How to Heal a Bad Birth. You can buy it on Amazon last I knew.

The US sadly has no such organization—the closest one I know of is called PATCH (prevention of traumatic childbirth) run by Penny Simkin.

You are not alone, and you will get through this. Please ignore the ignorant and insensitive posters here and get yourself some support.

What happened, pp?

I'm trying to imagine what might prompt PTSD from delivery (aside from losing the baby or being left with some permanent disfigurement/chronic medical issue). I'm not being snarky...I'm just trying to understand.

NP, but I definitely have PTSD from my delivery/postpartum period from 10 years ago. I'm glad you had a birth experience that didn't cause that, but others do. I had horrific postpartum depression, an unsupportive partner who gave zero shits about me, and was in excrutiating pain for MONTHS after giving birth (sex took well over a year to be pain free). I got tons of stitches, had painful scar tissue form, had care providers who didn't listen to me or take care of me post birth. Part of it probably had to do with me being on Medicaid at the time and not able to access the best care providers. It was a terrible experience, and I'll never have another - I'll abort before I do that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the advice and varying perspectives. I was separated from my baby for nearly 5 days while I was in the ICU and he was in the NICU. It was scary, and both physically and emotionally draining for both me and my husband. We are all home now and in many ways, we feel lucky that everyone is safe and together at home. However, I am still processing all of the fear, anguish, and guilt of being away from my baby (and two other children who were at home with a nanny and my parents). My husband is eager to put this all behind us and get back to regular life. I am still pretty shaken up and just want to hold my baby and cry most of the time. I will definitely see a counselor but I like the idea of starting a “self care” regimen to prioritize healing. I want to be a great mom, wife, employee and friend, and I know that in order to do that, I need to take care of this now.

I am sorry your birth was traumatic. You are home now as a family.....focus on that. You are missing out on precious moments by agonizing over something that is in the past and everyone survived just fine. Be happy. Your body was strong enough to handle this and you won!!

[Anonymous]

PP’s comment is insensitive and clearly shows she does not understand trauma. Telling someone to move past an experience that has traumatized them and to focus on their baby is the exact wrong thing to say. If OP feels she was traumatized at 3 weeks postpartum, she will likely be experiencing some degree of birth trauma and she may need support to get through it. Telling her she is missing out on precious moments is shaming her for acknowledging her feelings and trying to make her feel guilty for admitting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP’s comment is insensitive and clearly shows she does not understand trauma. Telling someone to move past an experience that has traumatized them and to focus on their baby is the exact wrong thing to say. If OP feels she was traumatized at 3 weeks postpartum, she will likely be experiencing some degree of birth trauma and she may need support to get through it. Telling her she is missing out on precious moments is shaming her for acknowledging her feelings and trying to make her feel guilty for admitting them.

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