Traumatic Delivery

[Anonymous]

I gave had a very traumatic delivery about 3 weeks ago and it is just starting to hit me. I am tearful and emotional all of the time. Did anyone find anything that was comforting in healing from a traumatic birth?

[Anonymous]

OP, i would highly recommend talking to a therapist. Just talking it out over and over can help. Make sure you find an excellent one, though, and if something seems off in the first session, don't be afraid to move on. (Or better yet, interview three and then decide.)

[Anonymous]

Bodywork. Getting a massage or craniosacral therapy. And in time talk therapy with someone experienced in working with birth/birthing trauma, and PTSD.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and hope you’ve gotten some rest since posting. Be gentle with yourself. Three weeks is a rough time with baby and your own physical healing.The sleep deprivation of early childcare can really exacerbate emotions and making processing difficult. Do you have good support at home? Is there a way you can rest?

[Anonymous]

I had two traumatic births, and the emotional roller coaster afterward was rough at times. One thing that helped me in the moment when I felt my emotions building was, if possible, to go take a shower. Something about the warm water and the noise helped me relax and have the ugly cry I needed to get it out. The other thing that helped me was talking about what had happened. I started out writing it down exactly as imexperienced it, no worries about whether I was being hyperbolic or whining. Then sometimes I would say bit of it out loud when it was just me and the baby, because I was telling it to someone but I knew that someone was completely without judgment. Eventually I got comfortable talking to a friend who I trusted would be sympathetic and nonjudgmental, and that really helped me move forward. I think part of what I needed was validation, someone else confirming for me that what I experienced really was awful and not just “a part of childbirth” or something I should have just rolled with.

[Anonymous]

Maybe writing it all out will help? You don’t have to do it here, online. But putting the words down can be catathartic.

[Anonymous]

I have had two births that, with different care providers, would probably have felt traumatic afterward. In my first, pushing for like 3 hours, episiotomy at the end, and then a hemorrhage that resulted in me barely seeing my baby until she was an hour old. With my second, baby was malpositioned and after 2 hours of pushing, the doctor used a vacuum was used to slightly rotate her head. He was very clear that if it did not work, we were headed to the OR.

However, because of the relationship I had with them, it felt like we were a team managing things as they came up.

OP, is your traumatic experience based on what happened or on how you were treated when it happened? I think that you’d process the trauma differently depending which.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to say here that you don’t have to qualify your experience as compared to that of others. You don’t have to hit the perfect trauma bingo card to be struggling. We all take things in and respond in our own unique way. None is better or worse than the other. What matters is that you find wholeness in your own time. It’s good others are sharing their experiences and what helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s important to say here that you don’t have to qualify your experience as compared to that of others. You don’t have to hit the perfect trauma bingo card to be struggling. We all take things in and respond in our own unique way. None is better or worse than the other. What matters is that you find wholeness in your own time. It’s good others are sharing their experiences and what helped.

This.

And, just because others suggest or needed therapy doesn't mean you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

One of my friends had to have the baby yanked out with forceps and then received 100 stitches. She had a TON of tearing and was quite traumatized.
I expressed sympathy and shock and asked if she was ok. I didn’t ask ‘how’s the baby’ because I was 100% certain that she would tell me. And she did.
Eventually. It took her a long time to recover.

[Anonymous]

Time will help, OP. I had a traumatic birth experience that still upsets me 5 years later, but the trauma lessens over time.

Talk to your doctor and see if you’re a candidate for meds, and consider therapy.

[Anonymous]

Counseling helped me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am extremely sorry for your experience. The advice you are getting is similar to the poor advice I got on these boards when I posted about my traumatic delivery. So I dismissed my feelings. And my feelings were dismissed by my care providers as well. I was told I should feel lucky I had a healthy baby and to get over the birth. It was awful. So I tried to push through, but I was struggling. I wasted nearly a year struggling to survive. I tried PPD groups but I didn’t have PPD. I tried new moms groups but it made me feel more isolated. I suffered flashbacks, crying spells, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating. I could not relax. I contemplated suicide. I knew something was not right but no one seemed able to help me.

It turned out I had significant, and severe postpartum PTSD. It is widely under recognized and under diagnosed, even among midwives and OBs. It took me nearly a year to realize this and get help. If you are using the word traumatic to describe the delivery, that is a red flag. I encourage you, strongly, to seek help. Please speak to your OB. Schedule a visit with a psychologist. Georgetown has a women’s mental health center for postpartum women. GW has a similar one called the five trimesters clinic. Both would be good placed to start. I did EMDR therapy, and that was what ultimately helped me. I also got involved with several birth trauma organizations which helped me normalize my experience and feelings and see I was not alone.

Check out the information on the Birth Trauma Association (a British charity) and the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (Australia and NZ) and read about birth trauma. If the information there resonates with you, it is highly likely you are experiencing birth trauma. They both have private FB groups you can join for help and support. Another helpful resource is the book, How to Heal a Bad Birth. You can buy it on Amazon last I knew.

The US sadly has no such organization—the closest one I know of is called PATCH (prevention of traumatic childbirth) run by Penny Simkin.

You are not alone, and you will get through this. Please ignore the ignorant and insensitive posters here and get yourself some support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am extremely sorry for your experience. The advice you are getting is similar to the poor advice I got on these boards when I posted about my traumatic delivery. So I dismissed my feelings. And my feelings were dismissed by my care providers as well. I was told I should feel lucky I had a healthy baby and to get over the birth. It was awful. So I tried to push through, but I was struggling. I wasted nearly a year struggling to survive. I tried PPD groups but I didn’t have PPD. I tried new moms groups but it made me feel more isolated. I suffered flashbacks, crying spells, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating. I could not relax. I contemplated suicide. I knew something was not right but no one seemed able to help me.

It turned out I had significant, and severe postpartum PTSD. It is widely under recognized and under diagnosed, even among midwives and OBs. It took me nearly a year to realize this and get help. If you are using the word traumatic to describe the delivery, that is a red flag. I encourage you, strongly, to seek help. Please speak to your OB. Schedule a visit with a psychologist. Georgetown has a women’s mental health center for postpartum women. GW has a similar one called the five trimesters clinic. Both would be good placed to start. I did EMDR therapy, and that was what ultimately helped me. I also got involved with several birth trauma organizations which helped me normalize my experience and feelings and see I was not alone.

Check out the information on the Birth Trauma Association (a British charity) and the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (Australia and NZ) and read about birth trauma. If the information there resonates with you, it is highly likely you are experiencing birth trauma. They both have private FB groups you can join for help and support. Another helpful resource is the book, How to Heal a Bad Birth. You can buy it on Amazon last I knew.

The US sadly has no such organization—the closest one I know of is called PATCH (prevention of traumatic childbirth) run by Penny Simkin.

You are not alone, and you will get through this. Please ignore the ignorant and insensitive posters here and get yourself some support.

What happened, pp?

I'm trying to imagine what might prompt PTSD from delivery (aside from losing the baby or being left with some permanent disfigurement/chronic medical issue). I'm not being snarky...I'm just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

OP you have to tell us how or why it was traumatic. Frankly lots, maybe most, of us find aspects traumatizing and it’s a matter of degree with everybody. I remember feeling that way although mine wasn’t that bad actually. I stopped feeling that way once I fully healed and realized I had no long term impact on my lady parts. Knowing I would heal made a difference for me.

[Anonymous]

I've had two babies and felt pretty traumatized after both. I think we won't have a third because I'm just too upset still about #2's birth. I think it's more common than other people believe. For me it was just a cascade of issues and I'm so so grateful my baby isn't brain damaged. He was so very easy as a newborn that I worried a lot about it (why didn't he cry?!?) From what he went through mental retardation and cerebral palsy were common side effects. After about 4 months I was able to go to sleep and not wake up thinking about it. I hated how I couldn't sleep because it kept playing in my head like a bad record. And the worst part is that the second birth is over, no one will talk to you about it. Even our parents and my dh only focused on the baby but I needed them to talk to me and tell me it was okay. I needed care after birth too. I still have physical pain too from it that OBs brush off.