Never been divorced and have parents and siblings who are not divorced

[Anonymous]

My dad is one of 6 and mom is one of 5. Only one of my dad's siblings got divorced. And as far as I know, that's it. None in generations before or since, and just about everyone is married. At least until my generation is probably has a lot to do everyone being Catholic. Even if they wanted to get divorced, it wouldn't have been an easy road.

[Anonymous]

My parents stayed together until my dad passed away but should have gotten divorced when I was a child. My brother and I are both divorced. My grandmother was married four times before she finally decided that she could just cohabitate without marriage. My ex in-laws are married but they also shouldn’t be-he is a horrible human being that treats my ex MIL like dirt. I think part of my issue with my own marriage is that I didn’t know what a healthy marriage looked like.

[Anonymous]

No divorces in either of our immediate families (parents, siblings, grandparents). I have one uncle and he's been divorced and all his kids have been divorced. Same with one aunt on DH's side. For both sides, they are the only ones from that generation without college degrees It's sad to watch... you see how generational trends start (around both college attainment and divorce).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are happily married to each other for past 20 years (our first marriage). Our parents and ILs are also not divorced and neither are any of our siblings.

Anyone else here with no divorce in their family?

If you are not divorced, are you happily married? If you want to divorce but have not yet taken the leap what is stopping you - kids, money, culture, religious belief etc?

.

DH and I are from similar families and we are happily married.

[Anonymous]

No divorces on either side of the family.

I have a couple cousins in very dysfunctional marriages however

[Anonymous]

It absolutely runs in families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are happily married to each other for past 20 years (our first marriage). Our parents and ILs are also not divorced and neither are any of our siblings.

Anyone else here with no divorce in their family?

If you are not divorced, are you happily married? If you want to divorce but have not yet taken the leap what is stopping you - kids, money, culture, religious belief etc?

So far no one. Closest I get is my husband’s uncle and aunt. I have many uncles and aunts, and he has a few too. Also one of my cousins and his wife divorced. I also have many, many cousins.

I wouldn’t be surprised if any of my siblings or ILs did. I think their marriages are doing fine, but some of the couples have personalities and issues that could cause the relationship to change overnight.

While growing up my parents argued so much that I joked they should get a divorce. I didn’t mean that, and honestly their marriage is awesome now that they got past all the kids. WE stressed them out, and they argued. Raising a family is hard. Now they don’t argue really, and they enjoy their grandkids, and the simple retired life.

Unless there is something major like infidelity, abuse, mental illness with lack of compliance, or just jacka**ery..I feel that couples should try to keep working at it. Dh and I have been so stressed out in our marriage, and we went on vacation just the two of us. We didn’t argue once. Once we had a tense urgent scary communication, but we both understood each other and got through it. So, what we thought was stress in our marriage is honestly just a set of little kids eating away at our patience and energy and communication.

This is so true.
People who think that having kids will help with their floundering marriages are totally delusional. Only people with great marriages should have kids and they should realize that having kids will put enormous pressure on the marriage. BUT, once the kids are a bit older and you can have a hreak, you realize that you have crossed the biggest hurdle. If you have been nice to your spouse through it all and there has not been abuse, adultry and addiction, you will realize that your marriage has become stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extended family has 5 out of 19 divorced (one generation up)
This generation, I don't know them all, but on my side I think it is 3 out of 25 divorced, DH's side I'm not sure. I can only think of two that are divorced, but again, I don't know them all that well.
Immediate self and siblings (and DH's siblings) 1 divorced out of five.

One thing I considered when dating was "are his parents still together?" ...

Very interesting. I always feel that kids are really impacted by their parents divorce and their most fundamental sense of security and comfort is shaken if not destroyed.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting thread. There have been zero divorces in my family. There has been a lot of infideiltiy and some abuse. That said I was the first one to get a divorce and I am the most educated in my famy. I think if the women in my family had had access to education, pretty much all of them would have gotten a divorce. I don't think it runs in families. I do think there are implications in terms of class and religiosity.

[Anonymous]

The two people in my family that got divorced (an aunt on my dad's side and a cousin on my mom's side) both got married because they got pregnant.

[Anonymous]

My brother and sister have both been divorced and I think my brother is heading to #2. Nothing on my DH's very large family but you never know how happy people really are. All I know is that I'm very happy.

[Anonymous]

Happily married. No divorce in my family on either side.

Big extended family(aunts, uncles, etc). No divorce either.

It doesn't necessarily mean that the marriages are perfect. I think there is a culture of letting go a lot of shit for the sake of keeping the family together. Because divorce as an option is usually a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

My parents have been married 50 years. Growing up I didn’t know many people whose parents were divorced. My ILs were divorced and had a terrible marriage and horrible divorce that really stressed their children. I didn’t know how bad until I got married to DH and we had kids.

My parents were very concerned about my marrying my DH given his upbringing and constant family drama involving his divorced parents that lasted until the day my MIL died. And my parents were right. My DH has no example of what a healthy and normal relationship is or what a good father is. How to handle stresses or conflicts. The older he gets the more I see of his parents in him.

It has taken a lot of work and therapy for us to stay together 20 years. He still has a life coach to help him. But I guess because I had such a great example of how to work through problems I didn’t pack my bags after our first fight or give up. But I’m not a doormat either.

[Anonymous]

Both sets of parents married over 50 years, and my spouse left me, so...

[Anonymous]

Grandparents, both sets on both sides, no divorce

Parents, both sets, no divorce

One aunt on his side, divorced; seven aunts and uncles on both sides of my side, no divorce

Two of my cousins are divorced; 12 others are happily married