Young child believes he's gay

[Anonymous]

I knew I was gay as soon as I found out what gay was (age 11). Looking back I had a lot of crushes on my female teachers and had I had the vocabulary and accepting environment I could have easily “come out” at age 8 or 9.

Just love and accept him. Don’t label him, allow him to do it himself. Figuring out your sexuality can be confusing. I know grown adults who didn’t realize they were gay until their mid-30sz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I know grown adults who didn’t realize they were gay until their mid-30sz

They knew.

It's called denial.

[Anonymous]

My son knew at 8 but was afraid to come out to his friends. Since he didn’t “appear gay”, no one suspected it. He didn’t show any romantic interest in girls (or boys) although he had close girl friends. I was curious and asked him if he was attracted to any girls or boys in high school and he shyly admitted that there was a guy he liked.

[arlsinmyheart]

FWIW I had crushes on women at 5. Yes. I remember there was this show about a lady and gorillas (lol) and I was mesmerized by her beauty. I was in kindergarten. I also remember asking myself if it was somehow wrong or something that I should keep to myself. I lived in a small little rural town and only saw men/ women couples. I think it depends on the kid but you can definitely feel different that young--- and you can have "crushes" that mean something. Now-- my 5 year old son is pretty vocal that he thinks his male friends are "cute" lol. He wants to marry his sister. He thinks I am the most beautiful lady in the world. So really-- take it all with a grain of salt!!!! You just never know...but keep an open mind and be supportive if he's willing to tell you things like this. It could all turn out to be true...or not.

[Anonymous]

When my 10 year old son told me he was gay, I told him I supported him but that I didn't think he needed to label himself at age 10.

In the end, he will love who he loves. He will know who he wants to date and someday I hope he will be confident about who he wants to marry. He seemed so worried about the label. Two years later, has now told me he thinks some girls are really pretty and asked what that means. It means he is a normal 12 year old boy and he should focus on school, friends and sports. He's too young to date or be seriously involved with anyone so I think it's something he can just kind of figure out as he goes along.

I will say that the stressful part is that his male friends in middle school are talking about girls they like and pairing up sometimes and he feels like he is alone. I don't think he should come out yet because the bullying is another issue that he can't take on right now. I hate that I'm telling him I'm proud of who he is but he shouldn't tell everyone yet.

[Anonymous]

OP here - forgot about this thread but someone else just posted. So, my son, no longer has a crush on that little boy but now has a crush on a little girl in his class. It will be interesting to see who ends up liking when he's grown up - we love him to pieces no matter what.

[Anonymous]

You did just fine, OP. I know people who took until college to figure out their sexuality. My BFF (since childhood), however, who is a gay man in a 20-year committed relationship with another man, has told me he always had crushes on boys, even as a little kid, long before he understood what a crush was or what being gay meant. As long as your son knows you will love and support him no matter what, he will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my 10 year old son told me he was gay, I told him I supported him but that I didn't think he needed to label himself at age 10.

In the end, he will love who he loves. He will know who he wants to date and someday I hope he will be confident about who he wants to marry. He seemed so worried about the label. Two years later, has now told me he thinks some girls are really pretty and asked what that means. It means he is a normal 12 year old boy and he should focus on school, friends and sports. He's too young to date or be seriously involved with anyone so I think it's something he can just kind of figure out as he goes along.

I will say that the stressful part is that his male friends in middle school are talking about girls they like and pairing up sometimes and he feels like he is alone. I don't think he should come out yet because the bullying is another issue that he can't take on right now. I hate that I'm telling him I'm proud of who he is but he shouldn't tell everyone yet.

How do you know his friends won’t be supportive? It’s not the same as when we were children. A lot of times it’s easier for younger children to accept before they form silly biases. Keeping it inside without an outlet to express himself isn’t healthy and will make it harder for him to accept himself. Consider going to a PFLAGG meeting or talking to a therapist before insisting he deny/hide his feelings.

[Anonymous]

My DD came out at 11. One reason my mom was kept in the dark was to avoid having to hear “She’s too young to know!” Some kids just know.

[Anonymous]

Little kids don’t know what they’re doing yet. It’s too early to conclude anything with absolute certainty.