Diagnosed with Terminal Cancer -- Pass my journals onto my children or burn now?

[Anonymous]

OP. I am so sorry. My father just passed away from Pancreatic Cancer in July. My heart is breaking for you and your children.

I say save the journals. I really wish I had more things from my father. Your daughter will appreciate them when she is much older. Maybe even 25 rather than 18. 18 year olds are still so young and immature.

If you still look fairly healthy please consider making some videos for the kids to watch later. I have some videos of my father and son and wish I had more. I wish I had some of him speaking to me or to my son.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your family while you can.
I don’t want to scare you too much but my father went too quickly. I wish I knew how quick it would be so I could have spent more time with him. I know you know this. Everyone minute is precious.

I don’t even know what else to say OP. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my father when I was 6 and would have loved to read his journals when I was older. He had bone cancer and knew he was dying so he did write me a letter that I treasure and had his best friend, my Godfather, read a toast he’d written at my wedding.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please leave your journals for your children.

Oh my goodness, how thoughtful! Bet there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what they say. If its going to cause them to have a lot of questions that will never get answered, thats unfair to them. If you put any expectation on them (like write a dissertation about you), that's unfair.

If it is funny stories about your life, positive thoughts and memories about being a mom, or anything that will bring them comfort vs questions, leave them.

Or maybe just pick a few of them, vs 42 years of journals. Thats A LOT and may be a bit of a burden on them. and I'm sure there are things in there that they would be better off not knowing. As much as you want to leave your legacy, and as interesting as you've thought your life and thoughts were, you need to think about whats best for them too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my father when I was 6 and would have loved to read his journals when I was older. He had bone cancer and knew he was dying so he did write me a letter that I treasure and had his best friend, my Godfather, read a toast he’d written at my wedding.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please leave your journals for your children.

This made me cry.

[Anonymous]

So so sorry to hear this OP. Please save your journals for your children.
I lost my father when i was 13 and I still (at 47) pore over old letters of his to get a sense of what he was like as a person. At every stage of my life, i relate to him in different ways. He died at 48 so i now think of him as a peer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the prognosis, OP? If you will be well enough over the coming months, please take tons of video (iphone is fine!) of you interacting with your kiddos, and maybe some videos for them to watch on birthdays and special occasions. Have someone help you go through those digital photos saved on your computer and pick out specific photos for each child and make a photo book with space on the covers for you to write to them. Hearing a loved one's voice is one of the greatest gifts that is left behind, so record stories and poems and singing. Prayers of peace to you and your family as you endure what's to come.

Do the above now. I do think having some videos they can watch in the coming years, as well as photo books, will be important for them now as youngsters.

And SAVE THOSE JOURNALS!!!! and gift them to both of your children when they are adults! The Christmas that your youngest child turns 20 years old is when I'd have them be opened by both kids, they'll be 20 and 22.... what a perfect time to read them. And give to both, not just your daughter - both children will love to learn about their mother in her younger years, after you've gone. Put them in a huge box, wrap in brown paper and a note "to be given to X and Y on Christmas Day, 20XX (I can't do that math). Speak with your husband, he'll hide the box away in the back of the attic so the box doesn't tempt your children now and the next 10 years of their lives! (or put in your safety deposit box if it's big enough)


My mother has these - she's kept a journal about just regular normal things since she was in high school. I remember finding them in the attic when i was about 12 years old- opened one at random and it was about how I'd finally slept through the night at a few months of age, both my father and mother woke up in the morning and rushed to my crib to find - a sleeping baby! I'd just started babysitting and I remember loving to think about my parents as so young, with a baby... me! And some talk about how she met my father, about their courtship, they are priceless. Even if there are "scandalous" bits in there, leave them all, don't go to the trouble of removing things - your kids will be adults when they read them, they can handle that their mother smoked pot, believe me!

[Anonymous]

Sending love.

I'd keep them and also do as much video as you can. Or at least make sure your photo library is saved and accessible so they have access to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the prognosis, OP? If you will be well enough over the coming months, please take tons of video (iphone is fine!) of you interacting with your kiddos, and maybe some videos for them to watch on birthdays and special occasions. Have someone help you go through those digital photos saved on your computer and pick out specific photos for each child and make a photo book with space on the covers for you to write to them. Hearing a loved one's voice is one of the greatest gifts that is left behind, so record stories and poems and singing. Prayers of peace to you and your family as you endure what's to come.

Do the above now. I do think having some videos they can watch in the coming years, as well as photo books, will be important for them now as youngsters.

And SAVE THOSE JOURNALS!!!! and gift them to both of your children when they are adults! The Christmas that your youngest child turns 20 years old is when I'd have them be opened by both kids, they'll be 20 and 22.... what a perfect time to read them. And give to both, not just your daughter - both children will love to learn about their mother in her younger years, after you've gone. Put them in a huge box, wrap in brown paper and a note "to be given to X and Y on Christmas Day, 20XX (I can't do that math). Speak with your husband, he'll hide the box away in the back of the attic so the box doesn't tempt your children now and the next 10 years of their lives! (or put in your safety deposit box if it's big enough)


My mother has these - she's kept a journal about just regular normal things since she was in high school. I remember finding them in the attic when i was about 12 years old- opened one at random and it was about how I'd finally slept through the night at a few months of age, both my father and mother woke up in the morning and rushed to my crib to find - a sleeping baby! I'd just started babysitting and I remember loving to think about my parents as so young, with a baby... me! And some talk about how she met my father, about their courtship, they are priceless. Even if there are "scandalous" bits in there, leave them all, don't go to the trouble of removing things - your kids will be adults when they read them, they can handle that their mother smoked pot, believe me!

Save them to give to your kids, even the bad/negative parts. Both my parents died when I was young and the tendency of both sides of the family was to talk about them as if they were saints. I felt like I needed to hopelessly strive to be a fraction of the people they were when they were alive. And then I met some of their friends from college when I was in college myself. They talked about my parents as if they were regular people. I heard about problems they had, bad choices they made - it was amazing. They became real people to me that weren't perfect. I was able to love and miss them for them, not the fictionalized ideal they had become. A gift of journals written by my parents would be priceless.

I will say - don't give them to the kids at Christmas, or a birthday, or wedding. Holidays can be difficult enough without that emotional landmine. Some people are fine with it, like the PP with the wedding toast, but I would ask that they be given to them at a neutral time. And if you do have a toast, or cards for their birthdays, or leave gifts for Christmas just make sure they're told it's coming. It's not the gesture I don't like, it's being caught off guard with my grief in front of people.

Good luck OP. I miss and love my parents and think of them every day. I smile when I hear something I think they would find funny, and am sad when they miss my kid doing something adorable. My kids know all about my parents. You'll never stop being their mother and you'll never be forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Op I cannot imagine your devastation at leaving your children. I have tears in my eyes. As a writer, PLEASE leave them those journals. The good and bad. All of it. They will ache for remembrance of your life. Give it to them.

[Anonymous]

I would leave the journals and not edit them -- good idea to wait until they are 18.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my father when I was 6 and would have loved to read his journals when I was older. He had bone cancer and knew he was dying so he did write me a letter that I treasure and had his best friend, my Godfather, read a toast he’d written at my wedding.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please leave your journals for your children.

Oh my goodness, how thoughtful! Bet there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

It was lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I cannot imagine your devastation at leaving your children. I have tears in my eyes. As a writer, PLEASE leave them those journals. The good and bad. All of it. They will ache for remembrance of your life. Give it to them.

This. Good and bad, those journals are you. You are giving them an enormous gift. Do not edit a thing!

[Anonymous]

First OP I'm so sorry you are going through this with such young children. My sister died suddenly and left behind a 6 and 4 year old.

While my other sister and I were helping clear and pack up her things, we came across her extensive diaries. She had some experiences that would have shocked some of the family and she also wrote some pretty mean things about my sister. Luckily I caught it before my sister did. I think I tore those pages out. Anyway, it made me rethink my own journals so I did tear out some parts after I returned home knowing that I didn't want others to read them. If you can, you might consider reading those more turbulent years' entries just to see what you think as you consider who will be reading them.

One thing I think I would do if I had the gift of time before passing is write letters to be opened over the years by my kids for various milestones I might expect them to have - graduations, no graduations, marriage, birth of children, parenting, grief at loss and so on. I'd also videotape something for them - memories I have of them over the years (like that Nicole Kidman movie years ago).

[Anonymous]

Save them.

I haven’t lost a parent but my best friend died in a car accident and I read and reread her old cards and letters constantly. I check the Facebook “on this day” every single day searching for her words and comments. It upsets me deeply that I have a finite number of letters and cards from her. I wish so badly that I have more—even though I do have a lot. Preserving her voice means so much to me.

[Anonymous]

Crying as first baby is sleeping on me, god I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. Leave it to them, they will want every piece of you.