New marriage communication issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he gets to make that decision for your children. At a minimum I'd be considering counseling to help you guys navigate the compromises needed to combine your households.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I had the same thoughts but needed a gut check. Can’t believe I didn’t see it before. All seemed to change (quite immediately) once we lived under the same roof...

When kids are involved, I think it’s best to move in before marriage. Do it when you get engaged. You all don’t seem to agree on a lot of things, which is not good at all. To a previous poster, he should parent her kids, and she should parent his. There should not be a divide.

When kids are involved, it is best not to remarry. IMO.

[Anonymous]

You changed your diet for him? How so? That seems extreme. I’d also be concerned about the money thing- it’s one thing if you need to save more for added expenses, but if you have the money and he’s still dictating how to spend it.....that’s cray.

[Anonymous]

Can your kids live with their dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I had the same thoughts but needed a gut check. Can’t believe I didn’t see it before. All seemed to change (quite immediately) once we lived under the same roof...

Where is his toddler's mom in all of this OP?

And are his kids from 2 different women? 2 and 18 is quite the spread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I had the same thoughts but needed a gut check. Can’t believe I didn’t see it before. All seemed to change (quite immediately) once we lived under the same roof...

Where is his toddler's mom in all of this OP?

And are his kids from 2 different women? 2 and 18 is quite the spread.

It looked like it was supposed to be 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh hates TVs, although he is an internet addict. We have one TV in basement and roving iPad. Can you find one space for the tc, out if the way? Counseling too.

TVs are much more innocent than the internet

[Anonymous]

I am not advocating screens ( tv or video games) at all but if his kids are 18 and 20 and yours are 11 and 12, you can calmly explain that things have changed dramatically in the time since his kids were teens. Not an excuse but a reality.

Even with my own ( 14/16) I have seen the change. I hate it but it’s the reality in many ways.

Now as to the controlling behaviors of where you place things, food, money. Please, please discuss calmly but do not just roll-over and accept his dictates. You will start to resent greatly and nothing good will come from that.

I do wish you only the best as I’m sure you began this new relationship/life with love and hope and things quickly changed. I hope what you thought was there returns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure that your kids understand that while their mom married some nutjob, they are loved and they only have 6-7 years to suffer through till they can be on their own. In a meantime, tell them to make friends with kids from normal families, where they have "screens".
On a separate note, why are you blending 18+ year olds in that new house. Health issues?

WTF? My 19 year lives at home and attends university. We didn't kick him out when he turned 18. We actually like him.

[Anonymous]

That’s strange that he is changing in this new environment. I haven’t had to blend a my family but maybe something herehttps://list.ly/list/1SmC-building-a-family-with-yours-mine-and-ours " target="_new" rel="nofollow"> https://list.ly/list/1SmC-building-a-family-with-yours-mine-and-ours will be helpful. Praying you are able to come to common ground on things.

[Anonymous]

That's unreasonable not to have a kids hang out depending on the size of the house - even just a TV in the basement. Can you compromise and get a tv in a cabinet or some type of cover for the tv to hide it. He never let his kids play video games?

[Anonymous]

Most kids watch TV on their computers anyway. Sign them up for a streaming service or two.

[Anonymous]

Dave, we need to talk.

I knew blending our families would be hard...but not this hard. I'm keeping an open mind, but you need to meet me in the middle.

This is our home, not your home. So we need to tackle the decorating together.

And when it comes to parenting the kids, I think it's important to tread lightly. You set rules for your kids, and I'll handle mine. When it comes to tv and gaming, I'll set the limits.

And not to hit the panic button, but if we can't work this out, then I fear we made a big mistake...and I'm not going to subject myself or my kids to anything negative."

PS - It sounds like you made a big mistake, op. And I don't understand how you couldn't predict this.

[Anonymous]

Just put cable and gaming systems in the kids bedrooms.