Sister's H is emotionally and verbally abusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, emotional and verbal abuse are not cause for mandated reporting to CPS. It messes kids up, though!

This. And the fact she’s worried about it makes me suspect physical abuse, even if she doesn’t tell you.

[Anonymous]

If she’s in Montgomery County, she can contact the Family Justice Center. It’s a one stop shop for all things related to domestic violence. They have child care there too so she can go with her kids if she needs to. Restraining orders, therapy for her, therapy for her kids (if they were older), job and interview skills training, cell phones, and housing assistance.

It’s in Rockville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I work for CPS. If someone reported this family to us, our investigation would center around how mom was protecting the children from the domestic violence and providing her services to make that happen/leave if that was something she was ready to do. We would help her understand how to get a restraining order, set her up with a counselor, make a safety plan for her, etc. She wouldn't be the subject of the report - he would be.

I would be seriously wondering why your sister is so reluctant to have CPS involved when her husband is abusing her in front of her children - such that she's refusing to even seek counseling. Does she not know how the process works, or is there more going on than she is admitting to you?

PP here. Thanks for providing your perspective and although I think it's very unlikely this family would be reported to CPS as I stated above, it is helpful for the OP to understand the resources that would be provided if she is ever in that situation. I do find it concerning that you state you don't understand why this woman might be afraid to seek counseling. The cycle of power and control at work in domestic violence leads many, many loving, caring mothers to feel fearful of seeking help and remain in situations that may feel untenable to others. It may not have been intended, but your tone came across as very condescending and implied blame on the mother, who is a victim. These kind of comments and insinuations, especially from someone in your position, are part of what make women afraid to come forward.

PP here. No, I get all that and my intention was not to blame her for the situation at all. I also know that many survivors of domestic violence, particularly those who have decided not to leave or who have not decided yet, often minimize the abuse they experience, particularly when they first disclose. This has already occurred in this situation, as the sister previously described this relationship as emotional and verbal abuse and in the time between OP's posts, she's disclosed physical violence as well. I would be worried - both as a clinician and a loved one - about things being a lot worse than she has disclosed. I didn't say that I didn't understand why she was reluctant to seek counseling. I understand that entirely. Her stated reason for avoiding counseling was a red flag to me that things are worse than she has disclosed at this point.

PP - thanks for clarifying, that makes a lot of sense and I agree. I think I misread/misinterpreted your statement!

PP here. I forgot to mention that my response (both as a friend/sister and a clinician) would be slightly different for emotional and verbal abuse than it would be for physical abuse. For both, my advice is DTMFA. For the former, I generally feel like there is some time to prepare to leave vs. with physical abuse, my advice would be get thee to a safe house and get a restraining order ASAP. I've seen too many of these situations escalate quickly. If he's hit her once, he'll do it again.

[Anonymous]

OP, does she live near you or your other sister?