Going to college while parent has major medical issue

[Anonymous]

She could also start a semester and take a semester or year leave of absence. I had a friend at HYPS who did this after her father died in a tragic car accident. She just wanted to be close to her mom for awhile and the college was very understanding.

[Anonymous]

I was one of these kids. I can almost guarantee she will be wondering if it is her job to push back and insist, to prove her love by staying. It crosses your mind, even if you don't say it.

It may help to address this directly, e.g., by saying something like, "There are a lot of ways to love and support someone. If you ever wonder if you aren't helping, remember that your father (or whomever) is thinking about you carrying forward your life into the future. Some people help by staying home. Some people help by carrying on and sending love back. Right now your dad and I think this is the best way to do it. Why don't we talk about it as we go and see how it feels for you? I love you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the cancer patient 2 years ago and DD had just started her 2nd year of college. She really wanted to take the semester (or year) off to stay home. We insisted she stay put (aside but her $$$ tuition had already been paid for the semester). Yes, cancer sucks and the entire ordeal sucked. But I was better off not having her home. For me, cancer was a private thing and I didn’t need or want extra people around. DH was a rock. And the 12 yr old still at home was just enough for me to get out of bed (most) everyday and try to go about living life.

This and we also used the “your job is to do well in college.”

[Ann10]

I'm sorry that you are going through this situation with your DH. It is best to stick with the original plan. My mom got diagnosed with cancer when I was a junior in college. She wanted me to continue on with my education. I did worry about her but had the support of a lot of friends at college.
When it was my daughter's turn to go away to college, I was having some medical issues. We never even considered that she wouldn't go. She had to have her opportunity to further her education.

[Anonymous]

She should go. She may feel she *should* wish to remain close to home and she may feel that this is something she *should* say, but she should go.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you set up a plan to Skype so she can feel a part of your life.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my mom had surgery and unexpectedly died at the beginning of my brother's sophomore year. He flunked out of school that semester but still owed all the money

Keep an eye on her OP, especially if things go poorly. Do not take her word for it if she says she is okay when things go poorly.

I don't usually agree with doing this, but in your case I would make sure she signs the form giving you access to her grades so you can intervene if things go south. If things improve next year with your husband she can change it.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I don’t agree that you need to add this worry to your list of concerns right now. I think you should have good communication with your DD and try to work out now how much info she wants and needs. Colleges now have enormous support services that can help your DD without adding a burden on you. Make sure you look into counseling services and policies on withdrawal and dropping classes without penalty to the student. I do think a reasonably light load to start with might be a good approach. If finances are a concern they will help you immediately if you just let them know.

[Anonymous]

She NEEDS the diversion. She should go.