Puberty turned my kid into a monster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you clamp down. Four weeks grounding was overkill. Punishments don't work. They just ratchet things up. You are right; you will lose her. Positive reinforcement wins the day.

-1,000

Moron.

[Anonymous]

Most important thing is to keep the communication going between you and your daughter. Sometimes this means turning a blind eye to bad behavior. You don't have to jump on everything all the time, and not right when it happens. If she screams a name at you and throws a phone, she's out of control. That's not the time to try to reason with her. Stay calm yourself and address it later when things calm down. Do things with her that are fun and without an agenda (if you try to bring up difficult topics everytime you are alone she won't want to be with you at all). Don't forget humor-- that can help bring down the level of tension.

My advice is to pick your battles. If you go DEFCON 1 on every thing you'll have nowhere to go if things escalate.

I do agree with looking for issues of safety and health, such as substance abuse and suicidal thoughts/anxiety/depression. Stay on top of those things. Medication and/or therapy can really help.

Another book to try is Wendy Mogel's "The Blessing of a B-". It emphasizes the challenge of accepting your children as they are. They are difficult and sometimes difficult to love. This book understands that and helps you keep the relationship going with your children during these times.

Finally, find a support group-- parents of teens, PEP training class, something. Share your struggles with other parents and get their wisdom/insights.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you clamp down. Four weeks grounding was overkill. Punishments don't work. They just ratchet things up. You are right; you will lose her. Positive reinforcement wins the day.

-1,000

Moron.

You think you can punish a teen into behaving? YOU are the moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

Oh, look, the neuropsych poster! Open up your checkbook, OP, to the tune of about 5 grand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

For a 12 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be careful how you clamp down. Four weeks grounding was overkill. Punishments don't work. They just ratchet things up. You are right; you will lose her. Positive reinforcement wins the day.

-1,000

Moron.

You think you can punish a teen into behaving? YOU are the moron.

Doesn’t anyone believe in moderation anymore? No, you can’t harsh your way through your kid’s adolescence. But neither do you have to be a hostage to their weird mood swings and unreasonable hostility. Some behavior must remain off-limits, but god help the parent who pursues every eye roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

Oh, look, the neuropsych poster! Open up your checkbook, OP, to the tune of about 5 grand.

Or... Go someplace that is covered by insurance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

Oh, look, the neuropsych poster! Open up your checkbook, OP, to the tune of about 5 grand.

Or... Go someplace that is covered by insurance?

Tell us where that is, unless you can get involved in a study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormones are awful. But your gut is telling you
something is off - drug test her.

Eh, I wouldn't go for a drug test just yet, but if her behavior continues I would consider getting professional help from a therapist. She will probably hate the idea so get someone experienced with adolescents and be prepared to meet with the therapist/another therapist yourself to get feedback on your parenting.

Adolescence is tough, but it is also the age when mental health issues can start to pop up.

This is also the age when undiagnosed learning disorders and/or ADHD or ADD become too hard for the child to cover up/compensate. They start to fail at things, are unfocused, feel different from peers, get anxious, etc. So a neuropsych eval can uncover issues.

Oh, look, the neuropsych poster! Open up your checkbook, OP, to the tune of about 5 grand.

Or... Go someplace that is covered by insurance?

Tell us where that is, unless you can get involved in a study.

Childrens, Kennedy Kreiger, INOVA

[Anonymous]

Insurance doesn't cover the testing. Nice try...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insurance doesn't cover the testing. Nice try...

We did KKI for a copay of $15. Took about 3 months to get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insurance doesn't cover the testing. Nice try...

It covered ours at Childrens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insurance doesn't cover the testing. Nice try...

It covered ours at Childrens.

+1 we only had a co-pay at Children's

My DS now seeing adolescent therapist in Rockville fully covered by our insurance. However, it was hard to find and get initial appointment.