BPD mother not complying with doctor

[Anonymous]

The doctor’s office called me again yesterday. She said my mom is confused and needs me to make and take her to appointments. She lives 5 states away, and is capable of making her own appointments.

I went into a rather short explanation about how she understands what’s going on, and has been like since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks I’m the worst daughter on the planet. I tried to explain that she goes into attack mode when she’s pushed and says pretty much anything to keep from taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.

I hate the guilt that comes with this, but it’s a step up from the abuse I will endure if I get too involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor’s office called me again yesterday. She said my mom is confused and needs me to make and take her to appointments. She lives 5 states away, and is capable of making her own appointments.

I went into a rather short explanation about how she understands what’s going on, and has been like since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks I’m the worst daughter on the planet. I tried to explain that she goes into attack mode when she’s pushed and says pretty much anything to keep from taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.

I hate the guilt that comes with this, but it’s a step up from the abuse I will endure if I get too involved.

It’s actually kind of shocking the nurse felt she could make this demand given that you’re not local. “I’m not able to serve in this capacity, what patient advocate services can you refer her to?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor’s office called me again yesterday. She said my mom is confused and needs me to make and take her to appointments. She lives 5 states away, and is capable of making her own appointments.

I went into a rather short explanation about how she understands what’s going on, and has been like since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks I’m the worst daughter on the planet. I tried to explain that she goes into attack mode when she’s pushed and says pretty much anything to keep from taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.

I hate the guilt that comes with this, but it’s a step up from the abuse I will endure if I get too involved.

Have you worked with a counselor on any of this? Seriously. From birth, your mother has raised you to care, to feel guilty, to accommodate her. She does her thing to get attention and reactions and, because she has you well trained, you respond. This time, she's upped the ante and is engaging the nurse in her little game. That kind of conditioning is hard to overcome but not impossible. The first step is recognizing it for what it is. You really need someone to help you see through this fog. Again, it's not easy but you'll be much healthier for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The doctor’s office called me again yesterday. She said my mom is confused and needs me to make and take her to appointments. She lives 5 states away, and is capable of making her own appointments.

I went into a rather short explanation about how she understands what’s going on, and has been like since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks I’m the worst daughter on the planet. I tried to explain that she goes into attack mode when she’s pushed and says pretty much anything to keep from taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.

I hate the guilt that comes with this, but it’s a step up from the abuse I will endure if I get too involved.

It’s actually kind of shocking the nurse felt she could make this demand given that you’re not local. “I’m not able to serve in this capacity, what patient advocate services can you refer her to?”

She thought I was local. When she asked if there was anyone local, I told her I’m the only one in the family who is currently speaking to her.

I have siblings, but they’ve gone no contact. They had very good reasons to cut off contact.

To the other PP, I have done many years of therapy. The same buttons she’s been pushing for 40 years get pushed, and I have an emotional response to it. My behavior has changed, but it takes a few days to get a handle on the emotional reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor’s office called me again yesterday. She said my mom is confused and needs me to make and take her to appointments. She lives 5 states away, and is capable of making her own appointments.

I went into a rather short explanation about how she understands what’s going on, and has been like since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks I’m the worst daughter on the planet. I tried to explain that she goes into attack mode when she’s pushed and says pretty much anything to keep from taking responsibility for dealing with the problem.

I hate the guilt that comes with this, but it’s a step up from the abuse I will endure if I get too involved.

Op, my own mil is bpd, so I have some understanding of your struggle. Before I met her I knew nothing about personality disorders, and had very rose-colored glasses on about people and always saw things in a pretty positive light. The nurse is probably like I used to be, and simply not able to understand what you are dealing. She's coming from a place of ignorance - don't let it make you feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Can you have her involuntarily committed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you have her involuntarily committed?

Not only does she not meet the legal requirements for such a request, it wouldn’t help her deal with the situation. She needs diagnosis and ongoing care, not emergency treatment. She’s sane enough to choose to decline medical care.