Friendly shopping experience for soft butch adolescent?

[Anonymous]

I'm a big fan of the J.Crew line of women's blazers and also Banana Republic (and their trousers). I'm not sure how that would work with 4'11", though as I'm 5'7".

This is literally how I dress most days:









Also, sometimes you get mixed results when Googling "soft butch" so try "dapper lesbian" and also "dapper tomboy" for suggestions. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Jcrew actually makes girls jackets if she's not ok with shopping in the boy sections.

https://www.jcrew.com/p/girls_category/jacketsouterwear/lightweightanddenim/girls-twobutton-schoolboy-blazer/G6598?color_name=navy

Paired with pixie pants
https://www.jcrew.com/p/girls_category/pants/pixie/girls-pixie-pant/E0387?color_name=navy

And a button down or blouse with pattern, it would be perfect for a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big fan of the J.Crew line of women's blazers and also Banana Republic (and their trousers). I'm not sure how that would work with 4'11", though as I'm 5'7".

This is literally how I dress most days:









Also, sometimes you get mixed results when Googling "soft butch" so try "dapper lesbian" and also "dapper tomboy" for suggestions. Good luck!

Thank you! These are great, especially the search terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jcrew actually makes girls jackets if she's not ok with shopping in the boy sections.

https://www.jcrew.com/p/girls_category/jacketsouterwear/lightweightanddenim/girls-twobutton-schoolboy-blazer/G6598?color_name=navy

Paired with pixie pants
https://www.jcrew.com/p/girls_category/pants/pixie/girls-pixie-pant/E0387?color_name=navy

And a button down or blouse with pattern, it would be perfect for a wedding.

I don’t think she’d wear anything feminine. Definitely not a floral print, polka dots, and such. She wears black girls’ skinny jeans, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just go to some stores and buy a blazer in boys size 12 to 14 and have her try them on at home? Thats what I just did for my son who is 4' 10" who hates to shop.

Thank you. I know nothing about boy sizes so this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

If she's going for more of the Jcrew look above, I'd stick to the girls/womens section. Nordstrom or JCrew are both good options. Clothes cut for boys are going to be baggier and more trans looking. I'm assuming she wants a younger and hipper "Ellen" look. I might also try H&M if you're on a budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's going for more of the Jcrew look above, I'd stick to the girls/womens section. Nordstrom or JCrew are both good options. Clothes cut for boys are going to be baggier and more trans looking. I'm assuming she wants a younger and hipper "Ellen" look. I might also try H&M if you're on a budget.

Yes. That is a good description. She doesn’t bind so I don’t think she wants androgynous so much as tomboyish. IDK, I lack the vocabulary. But yes, the look you described, though she specified bow tie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I am in a similar situation but my child is younger, she knows she is a girl and doesnt identify differently but only wants to wear boy clothing and do boy activities.
We are doing family pictures this weekend and I was torn whether to force the dress issue and I decided last week not to, so she is going to wear nice boy stuff.

Good luck to you as well! Let me know what you find.

[Anonymous]

Former Nordstrom personal shopper here. No pressure to buy anything, no pressure to buy just a minimal piece or two. They are there to help and will be happy if you buy everything they pull, or nothing. I promise! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If it is a daytime or casual evening (beach?) wedding I would look for a seersucker suit or blazer in larger boys sizes. You could probably find some chambray color pants to wear with it.

Look at large boys sizes instead of men’s—she’s tiny and probably isn’t any bigger than a 12 or 14. Most stores will have a size chart and you can measure to see what’s closest as far as fit in the chest and waist. You may have to end up getting some tailoring done to keep it from looking sloppy.

You can also make a boys’ blazer look more dressy by swapping out the buttons for something with a little shine or sparkle, or just some color.

http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Two-Button-Seersucker-Junior-Jacket/BM00025,default,pd.html

https://m.macys.com/shop/product/tommy-hilfiger-seersucker-blazer-big-boys?ID=5729494&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&CAWELAID=120156340022126335&CAAGID=19788313749&CATCI=aud-374536321189:pla-379834077027&cm_mmc=Google_Kids_PLA-_-Kids_Tommy+Hilfiger+-+GS_Jackets-_-67042972749-_-pg1971502_m_kclickid_2e890573-05a5-4b70-b0af-f7e77892a0e5&trackingid=413x1971502&catargetid=120156340018339573&cadevice=m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9dn79vOZ3AIVHrjACh0MIgLqEAQYBiABEgKD4_D_BwE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No additional suggestions, but I LOVE that you are letting her be herself and supporting her in her clothing choices! Go you!

Thanks. We’re fortunate to have a child who has been patient with us as we learned about gender expression. Also lucky to live in a community that isn’t intolerant. Sometimes I really wish she had a lesbian fairy godmother to help navigate some things we’re clueless about.

I am the PP who said that I loved that you were letting her be herself. I am a lesbian and would happy to be in fairy godmother, but I am more of the Talbots dress and cardigan-wearing lesbian.

[Anonymous]

What about the school section of Lands End? They have blazers and button downs galore. Add in pair of pixie pants and I think it could be a cute look.

[Anonymous]

Definitely stick with girls/women for pants if she is at all curvy--the male stuff is really unlikely to work.

Also for a summer wedding that might be HOT, how would she feel about flowing pants/top? Good look, easy to fit, more comfortable in hot weather.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all.

It is a daytime wedding in an arty space. We looked at a few boys’ shirt and bow tie combos in Macy’s yesterday. She can wear a boy’s 12 it turns out. She wasn’t crazy about any of the available colors, but was so, so happy with the look itself. We will keep looking for the right color and pattern, but you all have been so helpful! Nordstrom’s personalshopper serms like the next step, especially with pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former Nordstrom personal shopper here. No pressure to buy anything, no pressure to buy just a minimal piece or two. They are there to help and will be happy if you buy everything they pull, or nothing. I promise! Good luck.

Thank you!