MIL demanding monetary gift for Father's Day from every child

[Anonymous]

How much money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband's family is very open and "sharing" about money, so whenever someone floats a joint gift idea for MIL or FIL, everyone pitches in.

However, that only works because it doesn't come across as an imperious demand. It's more of a : "I have this joint gift idea, what do you think?" Yet it always works and nobody ever takes it the wrong way. We are the poor ones in the family, BTW, so we are most affected by the price of the chosen gift.

In your case, though, your MIL does sounds quite demanding. I would leave it up to your husband.

nothing wrong with that, especially if one sibling floats the idea to others, and asks, not demands. very weird of MIL to even be planning the gift, much less demanding money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much money?

It is not that much money per se($100) but we were planning to take the whole family for brunch/lunch for Father's Day plus we 2 baby showers this month and a nephew graduation.

[Anonymous]

"That's a great idea! We can't make it work right now, so we'll be doing something else, but I'm sure he will enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

Well, now the lunch is off. Hope Dad enjoys his faux gift.

[Anonymous]

In my family we'd be thrilled to have an idea that is likely to go over well & that he'd enjoy and BONUS - someone else willing to do the coordinating and work. We'd fork over that money without a second thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money?

It is not that much money per se($100) but we were planning to take the whole family for brunch/lunch for Father's Day plus we 2 baby showers this month and a nephew graduation.

That's difficult, but none of those things was a surprise brought on just this week. You had time to plan and save, or if your budget is that tight you shouldn't be hosting when you can't afford to do so.

[Anonymous]

She can ask for the money all she wants. Or "demand," as you say. You don't have to participate.

Say "no thank you, we have our own idea for a gift for FIL" and move on.

[Anonymous]

I’d be relieved. It’s probably cheaper all in than taking your whole brood to brunch.

[Anonymous]

Let your DH manage his relationships with his mother and family. He should be allowed to buy a gift for his father.

Do you know if your DH had prior discussions with his mom and or siblings about this gift? Beccause a comment from MIL like, “I got the Behemoth Premium XL grill for your dad for Father’s Day. It’ll comes out to $100 for each of you,” may sound demanding to you if you didn’t know there was a prior discussion and agreement about it. But if there was prior discussion and agreement, it’s just passing along the information that the purchase was made and how much each now needs to pay.

If that amount is a real budget buster for your family, you can discuss that issue with your DH. But each of you should have some money each month that you’re allowed to spend independently — he does work for it after all, plus you wouldn’t be happy if he made you account for every penny, either.

[Anonymous]

Is this a way for them to get out of brunch with you all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your DH manage his relationships with his mother and family. He should be allowed to buy a gift for his father.

Do you know if your DH had prior discussions with his mom and or siblings about this gift? Beccause a comment from MIL like, “I got the Behemoth Premium XL grill for your dad for Father’s Day. It’ll comes out to $100 for each of you,” may sound demanding to you if you didn’t know there was a prior discussion and agreement about it. But if there was prior discussion and agreement, it’s just passing along the information that the purchase was made and how much each now needs to pay.

If that amount is a real budget buster for your family, you can discuss that issue with your DH. But each of you should have some money each month that you’re allowed to spend independently — he does work for it after all, plus you wouldn’t be happy if he made you account for every penny, either.

That's a good point, thank you.
No I have no idea if that was discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a father no way. Now if it’s a gift for the mother yes.

This is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a way for them to get out of brunch with you all?

No they still want brunch lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a way for them to get out of brunch with you all?

No they still want brunch lol

Make it clear that it’s a one or the other. “Well we were going to offer to take you both to brunch but if you think he will like this instead, we’ll just skip that and contribute to this gift instead. Should we still come by on Father’s Day - to see the XYZ, or just call in the evening to see how he likes it?”