What would be best for this 16-yr old boy?

[Anonymous]

Get in touch with Montgomery County Schools ESOL/Bilingual Programs (http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/curriculum/esol/index.shtm). You want to ask specifically about "newcomer" students--the term usually used for HS students who enter school without much English. You should stress that this boy has had uninterrupted formal schooling and some English instruction in his home country. You should also ask about whether he can spend an extra year in HS if it's necessary, and definitely ask about what sort of instruction in the subject areas the school you are looking at will provide. If it's a diverse school (i.e. with lots of different languages), they will probably provide some sort of "sheltered instruction" which is a program where students are given specially designed instruction in science, math, etc, which is intended to help them keep up with grade-level coursework even though they have a language barrier.

You also might want to look into Montgomery College's ESL programs, which are also excellent.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I can understand that. Thanks. At the same time, a variation of the same peer pressure might be at work here, his friends might think it's amazingly cool that he'd get to live in the States, heck the very possibility might be elevating his social status. All of this is to be expected, I'm just trying to put this in perspective, teenager are not known for long-term planning! Is this his second to last year and his final year is 2010-2011? that is a long time to wait, but I keep thinking of getting that credential. I think several visits during this school year will help everyone decide. Could he live here next summer? Have you met him? It's a tough one. I sympathize!

[Anonymous]

OP, you mentioned that your stepson is in a developing country, but not which one--it is somewhat relevant. The DC area has very large immigrant communities of some developing countries, but not of others--which means that some resources are much more available than others. It also means that some of the posters here could potentially give you much better insight than others. For instance, I'm not a native born American (although I'm European, not from a developing country), but I've spent many years in developing nations, so I might be able to offer a bit more insight. Anyway, for some reasons your posts just struck me as somewhat reticent in that regard, but perhaps that was unintentional. It is a difficult situation for you, and it will undoubtedly completely change the dynamic of your current situation. I wish you the best of luck, as I suspect it will be a very challenging time for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you mentioned that your stepson is in a developing country, but not which one--it is somewhat relevant. The DC area has very large immigrant communities of some developing countries, but not of others--which means that some resources are much more available than others. It also means that some of the posters here could potentially give you much better insight than others. For instance, I'm not a native born American (although I'm European, not from a developing country), but I've spent many years in developing nations, so I might be able to offer a bit more insight. Anyway, for some reasons your posts just struck me as somewhat reticent in that regard, but perhaps that was unintentional. It is a difficult situation for you, and it will undoubtedly completely change the dynamic of your current situation. I wish you the best of luck, as I suspect it will be a very challenging time for you.

Same poster, just adding something I forgot....

I think you have to do not only what is good for the 16 yr old boy---it may sound harsh, but I think your first allegiance should be to do what you think will be best for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Does he play sports, soccer for instance?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Former teacher again: One reason he should stay at home is the credentializing in his home country. What if he doesn't like it here? Without that diploma, he has nothing.

Yeah, learning english at NOVA may be depressing, but we're not talking about an exchange student here. We're talking about a young man without great grades (you implied that) who is about to start his ADULT life. He needs to be careful to hedge his bets.

[Anonymous]

I personally think that any discussion of him attending college here is getting way ahead. If he does not have adequate English skills right now, then he s going to have great difficulty passing the TOEFL exam, which he will need if he is going to finish high school abroad. And this doesn't even consider how he will do on the SAT's. It seems to me, as a PP has mentioned, that his best route to college is through community college. Whether or not he comes for his last year of high school or not, my estimation is that his only route to college is likely going to be through the Montgomery College ESL program and then an AA from Montgomery College followed by a transfer to UMCP.

[Anonymous]

If hes a good student i think he will do well, coming here for his senior year maybe hard but a great experiance and a great way to learn english fast, i have seen many kids do that , give him a chance and having a highschool diploma from montgomery county is much better.

[Anonymous]

1:57 Not if he only gets B's and C's. I vote for finishing his school for the credential. Then he'd be free to take courses at community college or to spend a full year learning English intensively. He could visit next summer, no? Every student is different when it comes to language. Maybe he'll soak it up but then again maybe he won't. Also OP his dreams about the States, and his friends', most certainly do not involve classrooms, textbooks, tests, papers! Rather it's iPods, Notebooks, etc.
What are his academic strengths, what does he see himself studying -- liberal arts? engineering?

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks so much for all your advice. To answer some further questions, my stepson lives in Brazil. He lives in a pretty sketchy, what I would consider "poor" area of a massive city, but we've been fortunate to get him into good schools. I have met him about 8-9 times over the 7 years of our marriage. While there isn't a huge Brazilian expat community here, there definitely is a community, and we do have Brazilian and Portuguese friends, as well as many more Latino friends--including teenagers--who I'm sure would be very welcoming. Hospitality and the ability to make friends quickly are two aspects of Latino culture that I really love. Regarding SS's hobbies, he (much to DH's chagrin) doesn't really like soccer, but he's into basketball and volleyball, and we know how to get him involved in those if he comes here. He also really likes drama, which could be trickier to get involved in, but going to plays would be great for his English.

I appreciate the PP who recommended that I need to think first of my DD. I agree with that, but also agree that DH needs to think of both children equally. The good thing is that his son and our DD (14 MO) adore each other (though granted, they've never lived together). We try to have "family dinner" every night by talking to my SS online over dinner using the webcam. DD is always begging to talk to him. He is very good with kids, as his grandmother (whom he lives with) runs a daycare in her home. I don't think his coming to live with us would adversely affect my DD; rather, I would like her to have as much interaction with him as possible. I should also note that our family is bilingual, meaning DH and I are fluent in both English and Portuguese and are raising DD bilingual (we mostly speak Portuguese at home, and she has a Portuguese nanny--if SS came to stay with us, we'd make a point to speak more English at home).

In discussing this more with both DH and my SS, I think what we are going to do is definitely have him come here for his "summer break," which goes from mid-December through late February. During that time, we will meet with the local high school to discuss that option, but we'd also like to take him to visit some colleges (especially community colleges, as I agree that will probably be his best option starting out) so he can get a better sense of entrance requirements and which ones he'd like to apply to. We'd also like to enroll him in an English class during his stay here, and maybe try to find some other activities (either part-time work, other classes, or volunteering) to keep him busy and learning English. He will be bored otherwise, since DH and I both work full-time. Most likely, he would then return to Brazil for his senior year of high school, which goes from March through December, coming here during his "spring break" for two weeks in July. We would then decide whether it makes sense for him to come and live with us. I think we're starting to get on the same page about not moving during his last year of school. Plus, he could finish sooner in Brazil than he would here, and could then really focus on learning English and becoming an adult (i.e., working, establishing credit, becoming more independent).

[Anonymous]

He is so very lucky to have you. That sounds like a terrific plan. There is a community here! (Brazilian and not loving soccer, oh my! Maybe after a few DC United games, he will warm up to the game.) Imagination Stage in Bethesda offers drama classes for teens, I think upper teens as it were. So great that you are bilingual, I was thinking DH and his son might speak in their native tongue and without meaning to leave you feeling left out. (This happens with linguistic disparities.) Good luck. Keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

OP another angle to consider is his immigration options. It may be much easier for two US citizens, one being the paternal father to bring in a minor and gain citzenship than it would be for an 18 year old adult from Brazil. If the boy will benefit from the opportunities here in the long run forget about the social aspects of being a high school senior in a foreign place!

[Anonymous]

OP again. We have already requested citizenship for my SS, and we just received a letter saying the request has been approved. Now we're just finishing up some paperwork, but the letter says his citizenship should be finalized in 90 days. Yes, it is easier to request citizenship for a minor child, and yes, being a citizen will make many things easier if he moves here (going to college, getting a job, participating in gov't-funded programs, etc.). Thanks again to all of you for your help.

[Anonymous]

You can think of this as:

1) exciting year abroad in a supportive host family
2) the host family loves him -- he's with his dad!
3) an amazing opportunity as a young person to reconnect with his father (which might be more difficult than he thinks)

And, if economically feasible, bring him to the US as often as possible, enroll him in English classes. It could be a wonderful, wonderful experience. Hard, too. But ultimately wonderful!

If he loses a year of schooling in his home country because he was here, can't he just stay there for another year to get his degree?

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, remember that the process of bringing a child to the U.S. will be different depending on how old he is. If he's less than 18 when he comes here, he'll automatically be a citizen. If he's between 18 and 21, he'll be able to come relatively quickly, but he'll have to be a permanent resident for 5 years before applying for citizenship. And if you wait until he's over 21, it will take much, much longer.