Funding a Bar Mitzvah or Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as people cover their plate it is break even. Those parties are cash gifts only and traditionally a much larger gift than a communion or confirmation or baptism.

One kid I went to school with bought a condo cash in Manhattan at 30 with his money. Parents threw it in stocks and bonds and hit a good streak

Wtf? People don’t give gifts to the bar mitzvah boy in order to pay their way. Not evryone gives cash gifts. My kids’ gifts, if we had used them to cover the cost, would not have come close to what we spent. You think we live in Beverly Hills? Not everyone has a fancy affair the costs thousands and thousands of dollars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents saved for my wedding like it was part of my college (meaning of same importance.). We are Italian/catholic and from NJ and your daughters wedding is the biggest affair you will ever throw. Things like first communion, graduation, and confirmation are all parties that can be done for a couple thousand and not something you need to save for. My one sister never married and when my parents die she will get her wedding fund...its up to about 110k. She's 47 but my dad is still a little hopeful. LOL

Gross. I’m also Italian and from NJ and people like you are the reason I am so glad to be out of there! I paid for my own wedding.

[Anonymous]

Why is this gross? It’s not my culture (and I paid for my own wedding) but I don’t understand what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? It’s not my culture (and I paid for my own wedding) but I don’t understand what the problem is.

It’s vulgar and ostentatious. Something many people on this board with defend to their last breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? It’s not my culture (and I paid for my own wedding) but I don’t understand what the problem is.

It’s vulgar and ostentatious. Something many people on this board with defend to their last breath.

It’s gross for adults to expect their parents to pay for a big party.

One of the weddings I went to, there were over 200 guests- and the bride and groom only had about 24 of their friend’s there- everyone else was the dad’s partners in business, friends from church, etc. it really is a way to impress your friends.

DH is going to a wedding Memorial Day weekend (ugh already) and the bride and groom are 35 and her parents are paying for 100% of the cost. It’s ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

I don't think you understand how offended some fathers would be at the notion of their daughter paying for her own wedding. It's fine that its not tour culture and tradition but it's hardly worth calling gross.

[Anonymous]

http://luluandlattes.com/2016/09/11/updated-mitzvah-gift-giving-guide/

Always cash at Bar Mitz. And there are recommended amounts to give.

I $500 when invited as my wife and kids invited.

$1,000 gifts from closer family members.

Thing cost $35,000. And yes the Mom usually kvetches with cost and details for the year leading up. So most folks know cost and if don't pay just send kids. A kid can get away with as little $36.

My brother and wife gave $1,000 he got invited to EVP in his company kids party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://luluandlattes.com/2016/09/11/updated-mitzvah-gift-giving-guide/

Always cash at Bar Mitz. And there are recommended amounts to give.

I $500 when invited as my wife and kids invited.

$1,000 gifts from closer family members.

Thing cost $35,000. And yes the Mom usually kvetches with cost and details for the year leading up. So most folks know cost and if don't pay just send kids. A kid can get away with as little $36.

My brother and wife gave $1,000 he got invited to EVP in his company kids party.

WTF. No. The most our wedding was $180, from aunts, uncles, etc. We are not raising our kids religious, don’t belong to a temple, will not do mitzvahs, etc. But for upcoming nieces and nephews we’ll give $360 and even that I feel is absurd. Even the parents of the child want to call us cheap behind our back, I don’t GAF. It would be different if these people were religious but it’s totally social for them. What a charade!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this gross? It’s not my culture (and I paid for my own wedding) but I don’t understand what the problem is.

It’s vulgar and ostentatious. Something many people on this board with defend to their last breath.

It’s gross for adults to expect their parents to pay for a big party.

One of the weddings I went to, there were over 200 guests- and the bride and groom only had about 24 of their friend’s there- everyone else was the dad’s partners in business, friends from church, etc. it really is a way to impress your friends.

DH is going to a wedding Memorial Day weekend (ugh already) and the bride and groom are 35 and her parents are paying for 100% of the cost. It’s ridiculous!

+1

[Anonymous]

We paid for our own wedding, but it is well within traditional standards for parents to pay. It’s not any grosser than paying for college. It’s an opportunity for parents to spend their wealth on welcoming a new addition to the family and helping pay towards the furtherance of that family. As for OP, I see the dilemma of borrowing for a party that celebrates the future financial success of a recent adult. I personally feel a slightly extravagant party is fine. Investments in one’s l is perhaps the best deal a parent can make. It certainly has the potential to pay off big later.

[Anonymous]

progeny

[Anonymous]

I'm a parent and I would love to pay for a wedding. The wedding fund is there. There is nothing else I would rather spend it on. Young people who save-and save, when their parents *could* pay ... I don't understand .. they wait .. grow older... and then are stressed about paying even more money because now they need fertility treatments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...as we've tried to save, I still feel like I need to pull money from my investments and/or savings accounts (not retirement accounts) to fund the event ...

So you have saved, you just don't want to spend that savings. There's no magic answer; you use up more of your savings or spend less.

[Anonymous]

I got married in 1998 and all most uncle and aunts gave $500 to $1,000 and all my brothers and sisters $1,000.

I had the usual deadbeats.

In the end I broke even. Which I was happy with.

I watch costs like crazy to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An alternative view: you do not HAVE to have an event that costs thousands and thousands of dollars. You really, really don't. I know weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs are special but I do not think it's the price tag that makes them so.

+1