DD rooming with friend at flagship U setting up high school 2.0?

[Anonymous]

After some disastrous roommates my DCs have had (whom they didn't know) and great experiences with roommates from high school - some two years in to college - I would go with the person you know. At least then you don't have to worry about roommate issues and your DC can focus on clubs, ECs, studies and finding new friends

[Anonymous]

Go with the friend. My first yr I roomed with someone who was never there, so it's not as if I had a friend to do things with. Second yr I was roomed with a nut case who slashed all of the mattresses and poured coke and baby powder all over the room and she and a couple of her friends said I did it - so, I got kicked out of the dorm! I was homeless! It made no sense to me then and it makes no sense to me now why they believed the new girl and not the person who was in her second year, but they did.

[Anonymous]

"As in, it's going to wed her to high school everything. Isn't it too safe, isn't college supposed to be about getting out of your comfort zone? She has a pair of top 20 options and is leaning towards flagship. I hate to say it but we think she's taking the easy path and will come to regret it."

It really depends on what she wants to study. If it looks like she will need to go to grad school, then the odds of regretting it are low.

Most flagships have a few really strong departments or schools that are really good stepping stones. Is the flagship a good fit for what she wants to study?

It also depends on her HS experience. If she went to a small HS or an easy one, the flagship will be plenty far out of her comfort zone.

If she went to a really competitive HS, she may NEED a big fish experience to build her confidence for grad school or for launching her career.

[Anonymous]

I went to a big flagship with probably 30 of my high school classmates. It was actually a nice comfort for the first few weeks, and then we branched out and did our own thing. College is SO new and so different from high school that I wouldn’t be worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"As in, it's going to wed her to high school everything. Isn't it too safe, isn't college supposed to be about getting out of your comfort zone? She has a pair of top 20 options and is leaning towards flagship. I hate to say it but we think she's taking the easy path and will come to regret it."

It really depends on what she wants to study. If it looks like she will need to go to grad school, then the odds of regretting it are low.

Most flagships have a few really strong departments or schools that are really good stepping stones. Is the flagship a good fit for what she wants to study?

It also depends on her HS experience. If she went to a small HS or an easy one, the flagship will be plenty far out of her comfort zone.

If she went to a really competitive HS, she may NEED a big fish experience to build her confidence for grad school or for launching her career.

This is my DD. Went to a very competitive high school magnet. She’s not looking an easy college experience, but one where you learn for learning sake. Not to be always competing with your peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

which flagship? UVA is one thing, UMD another ...

In what way PP?

Yes, in which way PP? I'd advocate for UMD over UVA any day.

It sounds like rooming with her friend will offer a secure transition for her from high school to university. Big state universities can be intimidating to navigate, why not let her pull on the social resources she needs to be successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a big flagship with probably 30 of my high school classmates. It was actually a nice comfort for the first few weeks, and then we branched out and did our own thing. College is SO new and so different from high school that I wouldn’t be worried.

So did I but my roommate was from a completely different area. The school was large so I rarely ever ran into the people I went to HS with.

[Anonymous]

Or she could end up with a bunch of pot heads....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

which flagship? UVA is one thing, UMD another ...

In what way PP?

Yes, in which way PP? I'd advocate for UMD over UVA any day.

It sounds like rooming with her friend will offer a secure transition for her from high school to university. Big state universities can be intimidating to navigate, why not let her pull on the social resources she needs to be successful?

I do too, but I have to admit that UMD is becoming as snotty and nasty about admission as UVA, maybe worse. Is there even a quota for how many in state students they have to admit? I wouldn't even live in racist NoVA, god forbid send my kid to racist Charlotte/UVA.

[Anonymous]

Really, I would be delighted if my kid wanted to room with a friend from HS. It would be relieving to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

which flagship? UVA is one thing, UMD another ...

In what way PP?

Yes, in which way PP? I'd advocate for UMD over UVA any day.

It sounds like rooming with her friend will offer a secure transition for her from high school to university. Big state universities can be intimidating to navigate, why not let her pull on the social resources she needs to be successful?

I do too, but I have to admit that UMD is becoming as snotty and nasty about admission as UVA, maybe worse. Is there even a quota for how many in state students they have to admit? I wouldn't even live in racist NoVA, god forbid send my kid to racist Charlotte/UVA.

WTF? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

-POC who lives in NoVA

[Anonymous]

First off high school is nothing but a pressure cooker. Nothing like when we went. I honestly think kids who pick a safety school are doing a good thing as long as they want less pressure but can still self advocate and stay focused.

Two, the roommate situation all depends on the friends. Are they open and positive with each other. Do they appreciate each other’s differences? Are they both going to different programs and potentially different clubs and such? If so, then it is a great match and a lot less stressful. If she is using the girl only as a crutch. Meaning the compatibility is not there. Studying skills, cleanliness, sleep hours, respect for space, she was a partier, etc... then maybe not and it can be a more awkward situation than being with a stranger you can opt out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really, I would be delighted if my kid wanted to room with a friend from HS. It would be relieving to me.

That truly depends on the friend. I would think only a handful of my daughters friends would be good roommate material for each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or she could end up with a bunch of pot heads....

They tend to live off campus in shared group houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or she could end up with a bunch of pot heads....

They tend to live off campus in shared group houses.

Actually, I'm surprised that my DCs' dorm monitoring is way stricter than anything I experienced in school in the late 70's.