Red flag for a new friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a short term arrangement until a daycare space opens up? Something is off with both of them.

Op here. No. This is what I was thinking too. The other mom works in a restaurant and apparently can't afford daycare expenses.

People here are so judgemental! no wonder you often see posts on DCUM about how someone doesn't have any friends! What it sounds like is the SAHM is a kind hearted person and wanted to help a struggling mom out and is now clearly being taken advantage of. She needs to work herself out of that situation. But I would still be friends with her.

She clearly has mental health issues if she agreed to this. Op did not say that the mom is a struggling mom. We don't know if she's even a single mother.

[Anonymous]

It's a red flag for sure. That doesn't mean end the friendship necessarily, but it's worth looking into in more depth if you want to continue the friendship. Have you told your friend how completely bizarre this arrangement seems from an outsider's perspective?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have boundaries, and then she resents the results. Unhealthy pattern.

Be acquaintances at most, and watch your boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a red flag for sure. That doesn't mean end the friendship necessarily, but it's worth looking into in more depth if you want to continue the friendship. Have you told your friend how completely bizarre this arrangement seems from an outsider's perspective?

Yes. I have asked her how her husband feels about this arrangement and she says he doesn't mind. I assumed she knew this other mom for years and she was doing a huge favor.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't distance myself from the friend unless either (1) you somehow get dragged into the drama or (2) she starts getting nasty with you over all this. If it's just plain vanilla "ask for advice and ignore it" sort of thing, let that just be an other aspect of the friendship.

Or maybe you can get some free babysitting? >

[Anonymous]

Is she providing food and activities for the child? If so it is costing her to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't distance myself from the friend unless either (1) you somehow get dragged into the drama or (2) she starts getting nasty with you over all this. If it's just plain vanilla "ask for advice and ignore it" sort of thing, let that just be an other aspect of the friendship.

Or maybe you can get some free babysitting? >

Haha! Yes, here’s your answer OP! Before distancing yourself, get some free babysitting out of her. Then when she finally wipes up, burn the bridge, like you want to do anyways. Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently became friends with another mom in our neighborhood. She's a SAHM and I work PT. She takes care of another baby ( 10 month old) full time for another friend. I assumed the friend paid her. I found out this week her friend doesn't pay her and they have only been friends for a few months. None of this is anyway of my business but she has been complaining about the other friend lately. She says ever since the other friend started working she never wants to spend time with her. I asked her how she can work full time without getting paid. This seems very bizarre and I am wondering if it's a red flag that someone may be off with this lady.

If she is in Maryland and taking care of the baby in her own home it is technically illegal. Unless she is licensed to run a daycare in her home, she cannot provide childcare for a non-relative’s baby for more than 20 hours per week in her own home. Regardless of money exchanged.
So if she wants out of the arrangement, she can always blame the government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently became friends with another mom in our neighborhood. She's a SAHM and I work PT. She takes care of another baby ( 10 month old) full time for another friend. I assumed the friend paid her. I found out this week her friend doesn't pay her and they have only been friends for a few months. None of this is anyway of my business but she has been complaining about the other friend lately. She says ever since the other friend started working she never wants to spend time with her. I asked her how she can work full time without getting paid. This seems very bizarre and I am wondering if it's a red flag that someone may be off with this lady.

If she is in Maryland and taking care of the baby in her own home it is technically illegal. Unless she is licensed to run a daycare in her home, she cannot provide childcare for a non-relative’s baby for more than 20 hours per week in her own home. Regardless of money exchanged.
So if she wants out of the arrangement, she can always blame the government.

NP. Wow, not saying this lady's not weird for doing this, but seriously, illegal? That can't be right. Otherwise it's ridiculous.