Friendship between Aspergers/non-Aspergers kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs about not forcing anything. If I could tell her anything though, it would be that she needs to be kind but very plain spoken to the other child. The other child will miss many social cues and, as a result, do things that may be considered rude. This can often be avoided if the NT person speaks plainly instead of dropping hints, expecting the ASD person to pick them up. And the other thing is that sometimes someone with ASD will over-react to things that don't seem like a big deal. It's because they have a hard time moving past the initial emotion to reframe the situation. In cases like that, just being understanding at letting them express their emotion is often enough to help them move past it (obviously there should be limits to HOW someone expresses their emotion, but I think you get what I'm saying).

On the plus side, people with ASD tend to be straightforward to a fault. They're not going to play middle school manipulation games.

And I wanted to add, that in my experience plain speaking such as "forcibly" redirecting a conversation that would come across as rude to a NT person is likely to be well received by someone with ASD. Not rudeness, of course, just really saying what you mean. If they are only talking about Minecraft, it's perfectly fine to just say, "I'd rather talk about something else now. What do you think about X?"

This. It's actually helping the kid with ASD to be explicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are doing great, OP.

My child, who has a lot of characteristics of ADHD but did not meet the diagnostic criteria, is friends with a child with Asperger's and it has been great for both of them. My DS is kind of all over the place which really challenges his friend to keep up with him. DS is constantly running late, talking a mile a minute and talking about a diverse range of topics which has helped with his friend's flexibility and rigidity.

The child with Asperger's is very organized and likes to plan things in advance. He uses a lot of visual schedules and my child sees him as a role model in this regard. He has also come to appreciate his friend's intense interests and has learned a lot as a result. The two are close enough that if the friend talks too much about those interests, which are not at all DS's interests, DS will call him on it.

I have to admit that I really encouraged DS to be friendly with this child in the beginning about three years ago because I saw the other child struggling. But once DS gave him a chance he saw how cool his friend is and he feels really lucky to have him as a friend.

I was just reading the new comments and they are right on target in their advice. One thing DS has learned to do with his friend with Asperger's is to be very direct and how being very direct is not being rude. He has occasionally told the friend that he can only talk about his preferred subject up to 3 times in a get together or points out instances where the other child is being inflexible. He does not speak this bluntly to other friends but has learned that this friend appreciates honesty. They sometimes laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

No new advice here but as a mother of a HFA kid i thank you, OP for your kindness.
My son doesn't come across as an autistic kid or an aspie, but as an obnoxious child. I found out late in elementary school that he had developed quite a reputation for himself among the other parents. He was picked-on and shunned (and i,myself, was dropped from the mommy social club). By the end of his last year of elementary school he was trying to harm himself frequently.
He is doing great now, but having someone show him kindness back then would have made a huge difference in his life.
Thank you!