Suggestions for appropriate/effective consequences--11 yo girl bouts of rage

[Anonymous]

My DD sounds just like yours. All of the above mentioned pusnishments did not work to change the behavior. We sought professional help. Therapist worked with her for 3 months. Turns out my DD is very anxious and trying to control her environment. TherPist gave her strategies for anger management as well as anxiety. She also taught me better ways to handle it (punishment doesn’t work).
We haven’t seen a tantrum in a year. Before she was having them twice a week. Seek professional help. Your child feels completely out of control, something is wrong, and her behavior is trying to get your attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No electronics, no activities, no going out to eat, no crafts, restricted to her room, lock your room/cannot go in. No chores. Ok, if she cannot help the family then she needs to do her own laundry, pack lunch, etc. Slam door, lose door.

+1 but stop giving your son a free pass when he deliberately antagonizes her. He needs a punishment as well

Yeah--is the biting/hitting/punching because her little brother will not leave her alone, and she's at the end of her rope trying to deal with it? He needs to stay out of her room. Period. He's antagonizing her and then playing victim, when I'd bet my house that he's feeding the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

DD, now 13, was snapping at us practically everything we said. Extremely unpleasant and would scream, occasionally throw things in a way that wouldn't break them or damage anything, but still not on the right path. She got her period and in the months leading up to that it got worse and worse. Turns out she has anxiety, which runs in the family so badly I joke we all need Zoloft in our water, and panic attacks. A low dose of Zoloft coupled with a return to therapy (she had stopped because she had kind of outgrown her therapist) with a new, cognitive behavioral therapy, has done a world of good. Very cooperative now, very rarely yells or has fits. She has her moments, as do the rest of us, but it turns out her brain was just a swirl of anxiety which we saw when she exhibited it in a "I'm anxious" kind of way, but didn't recognize when she was yelling at us. Even without the meds just recognizing the situation and working with it through therapy and household changes would have helped. School is onboard too and that has helped as well.

[Anonymous]

She needs professional help.

[Anonymous]

Another mom whose DD had outbursts and anxiety. It might not be the cause for your DD, but I'd definitely read a little to see if you see the signs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No electronics, no activities, no going out to eat, no crafts, restricted to her room, lock your room/cannot go in. No chores. Ok, if she cannot help the family then she needs to do her own laundry, pack lunch, etc. Slam door, lose door.

+1 but stop giving your son a free pass when he deliberately antagonizes her. He needs a punishment as well

Agree with both of these posters. Whenever DD & DS fight, give them both the same consequence. That will hopefully give them incentive not to antagonize each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No electronics, no activities, no going out to eat, no crafts, restricted to her room, lock your room/cannot go in. No chores. Ok, if she cannot help the family then she needs to do her own laundry, pack lunch, etc. Slam door, lose door.

+1 but stop giving your son a free pass when he deliberately antagonizes her. He needs a punishment as well

Agree with both of these posters. Whenever DD & DS fight, give them both the same consequence. That will hopefully give them incentive not to antagonize each other.

^I also agree with the posters who suggested getting professional help to find out what (if anything) is causing her to have such strong reactions. Her pediatrician should be able to give you some resources .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD sounds just like yours. All of the above mentioned pusnishments did not work to change the behavior. We sought professional help. Therapist worked with her for 3 months. Turns out my DD is very anxious and trying to control her environment. TherPist gave her strategies for anger management as well as anxiety. She also taught me better ways to handle it (punishment doesn’t work).
We haven’t seen a tantrum in a year. Before she was having them twice a week. Seek professional help. Your child feels completely out of control, something is wrong, and her behavior is trying to get your attention

PP I'm a new poster- if you have someone you'd recommend in NOVA, please do- punishments don't work here, and I know we need outside help. I could take all her possessions away and she wouldn't care.

[Anonymous]

Take meds for yourself. I have a child like this and it’s exhausting (DD is 10). My son just diagnosed with ADHD is becoming a challenge too (9)

[Anonymous]

This was me as a kid. And even now I am still prone to outburst...definitely worst when I am tired and hungry. Hormones also play a major role. It’s nearly all anxiety-driven.

Pretty sure my 3 year old DD is following in my footsteps...

I will say in the moment, work on getting her calm. Get her to a safe-space. After the intensity has passed then dole of the consequences...don’t pile them on while she is mid-outburst b/c it feeds the feeling of being out of control.

Also when calm, talk about the the emotions. Talk about how it makes you feel, etc. Name emotions..if you can names them then you are aware and awareness you can eventually
Change them.